#701 - Alex DatePsych - Why Is Everyone Choosing To Stay Single?
Nov 2, 2023
01:43:19
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Neuroscience researcher Alex DatePsych discusses the struggles of modern dating, risk aversion in approaching women, the significance of intellectual compatibility, online dating myths and gender imbalance, hidden signals of physical condition, preferences for 'dad bods', exploring the libido gap, reasons behind women initiating divorces, mismatch between modern expectations and evolutionary predispositions, impact of beliefs on relationships, taboos in age gap relationships, and data on OnlyFans.
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Quick takeaways
Men's fear of rejection and social consequences hinders their willingness to approach women, regardless of confidence levels.
Women prefer men to take the initiative in dating and feel uncomfortable when they approach men.
Women prioritize intellectual compatibility in their search for a partner, desiring a deep connection beyond physical attractiveness.
The preference for dad bods in women represents a desire for stability, emotional connection, and safety in relationships.
Deep dives
Risk aversion and men not approaching women
Men who are more risk averse are less willing to approach women due to fears of social rejection and consequences, such as damage to reputation. This fear of rejection is universal among men, regardless of confidence levels. Exposure therapy, as practiced in pick-up artist communities, can help reduce this fear, but most men do not engage in enough approaches to see a significant decrease in their anxiety.
Women's desire for men to approach them
The majority of women, especially younger women, express a desire for men to approach them. Women rarely approach men themselves, as doing so goes against traditional gender roles and societal norms. Women prefer men to take the initiative in dating and feel uncomfortable or break social norms when they approach men.
Preferences for intellectual compatibility in dating
Women are increasingly prioritizing intellectual compatibility in their search for a partner. Many women express the desire to find someone they are emotionally and intellectually attracted to, and feel frustrated when they struggle to make an intellectual connection. This preference for intellectual compatibility is higher among younger women and indicates a desire for a deep, meaningful connection beyond physical attractiveness.
Implications of the dad bod preference
The preference for dad bods in women may stem from various factors. Women perceive men with dad bods as less threatening, more nurturing, and more committed to long-term relationships. These men are seen as more comfortable and relatable, and less likely to engage in infidelity. The dad bod preference represents a desire for stability, emotional connection, and safety in relationships rather than a focus on purely physical attractiveness.
Attitudes Towards Age Gap Relationships
People have varying attitudes towards age gap relationships, with some individuals disapproving of them. Age gaps can be seen as a potential threat to the dating pool or as a violation of social norms. Women generally do not desire highly promiscuous men, as it can raise concerns about disease transmission and lack of investment. The taboo around age gaps can stem from a visceral feeling of discomfort or ick, which can lead to rationalizations about power imbalances or manipulative behavior. However, individuals who have been in age gap relationships tend to be more accepting of them.
Clinginess as a Red Flag
Clinginess is often considered a red flag for women in relationships. Women may prefer men who are emotionally stable and independent, rather than someone who is overly dependent or needy. Clinginess can also be seen as a potential threat or reflect an aversion to potential stalking behavior. However, perceptions of clinginess may vary depending on relationship stage, as what may be seen as inappropriate early on could be more acceptable later in a committed relationship.
Main Factors Influencing Mate Preferences
Several key factors influence mate preferences. Neediness and clinginess are often undesirable traits as they can signal low status, limited options, and a lack of independence. Men and women generally prefer partners who are kind, healthy, and attractive for both short-term and long-term relationships. Promiscuity is typically seen as less desirable in short-term partners for both men and women. However, women tend to disapprove of highly promiscuous men in short-term relationships more compared to men. Overall, individuals look for partners who possess desirable traits and align with their own values and preferences.
Exploring Attitudes Towards OnlyFans
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Alexander DatePsych is a Neuroscience and Behavioural Science researcher whose work focuses on attractiveness and dating.
The modern dating world is a difficult universe to navigate, which has led a lot of people to check out of it completely. But does this make people happier to elect loneliness rather than risk heartbreak?
Expect to learn why 50% of men have not approached a woman in the last year, the biggest struggles everyone faces when dating, what misconceptions the world has when it comes to dating apps, whether women actually prefer dad bods, why women initiate more divorces, why the normal guy is actually more likely to get the girl and much more...
