Explore the idea that while you can't choose your parents, you can choose the person you want to become as a parent. This discussion highlights how adopting traits from ideal role models can create a positive legacy. Drawing inspiration from Seneca, it encourages listeners to reflect on the qualities they'd like to embody rather than using their upbringing as an excuse. The conversation prompts a deeper look into who has influenced us, whether fictional characters or mentors, and how we can actively shape the future.
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Choosing Parental Influence
We cannot choose our biological parents, but we can choose our role models.
This concept held particular relevance in ancient Rome due to the prevalence of adoption.
question_answer ANECDOTE
Seneca's Brother's Adoption
Seneca's brother, Lucius Annaeus Novatus, was adopted by Gallio and took his name.
This historical example highlights the practice of choosing one's family influences.
volunteer_activism ADVICE
Choose Your Parental Role Models
Instead of focusing on your parents' shortcomings, consider who you wish they were.
Emulate those ideal parental figures to become the parent you aspire to be.
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One of the best lines from Seneca is that while we can’t choose our parents, we do have the ability to choose whose children we will be. In ancient Rome this was even more true than it sounds, because it was common for people to be adopted into families. Seneca’s brother, Lucius Annaeus Novatus, for instance, was adopted by a man named Gallio, whose name he eventually took (and if that name sounds familiar, it’s because Seneca’s brother is in the Bible).
In any case, this idea is worth thinking about now that you’re a parent. Instead of thinking about how you parents were, and using that as an excuse for whatever type of parent is easiest and most natural, why don’t you think about who you wish your parents were. Maybe that’s a specific person or maybe that’s just an ideal that you’ve seen in a movie or read about in a book. Maybe it’s a combination of the mother of one of your friends, and then someone else has become a father-figure and mentor to you since. Or maybe it’s Mr. Rogers and Ms. Frizzle from Magical School Bus. Or maybe it’s Socrates and Oprah. It doesn’t matter. What matters is that you try to live as if that is whose child you were and are.
We want to eliminate the excuse of “Oh that’s just how I was raised” and “It’s what I saw growing up.” Instead we want to flip it from a rationalization to an encouragement. I am this way because it’s what my “parents” taught me to be. I’m a great dad because I had a great dad (or dads). I am carrying on the tradition. I am passing along the love and the lessons I got.
You can’t choose your parents. They did the best they could. But you can choose whose footsteps you’re going to follow in, and in so doing, what kind of parents your kids are going to have.
The Daily Dad