195. The "Good Girl" Trap (and How to Break the Patriachy's Rules) with Elise Loehnen
Oct 28, 2024
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In this engaging discussion, Elise Loehnen, a New York Times bestselling author and host of "Pulling the Thread," dives into the societal expectations that keep women confined. She challenges the traditional 'good girl' narrative, revealing how the seven deadly sins have historically impeded women’s ambitions. Elise highlights the importance of reclaiming desires and identities, discussing the double standards women face in entrepreneurship and the cultural pressures shaping their self-worth. It’s a powerful call to break free from patriarchal norms and embrace authenticity.
Women must confront societal pressures to conform to the 'good girl' stereotype in order to reclaim their autonomy.
Embracing feelings of envy can lead to profound self-exploration and clarity regarding personal desires and ambitions.
Building a supportive community among women fosters empowerment, countering harmful narratives that promote competition and scarcity.
Deep dives
Conditioned Subjugation of Women's Desires
Women are often socialized to prioritize the needs of others over their own desires, leading to a lack of self-awareness regarding what they truly want. This conditioning creates discomfort when feelings of envy arise, prompting women to criticize those who trigger these emotions instead of examining these feelings for insights. The podcast highlights the significance of acknowledging and sitting with uncomfortable feelings, such as envy, to better understand personal desires. Such self-interrogation can serve as a pathway to reclaiming personal agency and understanding the transformative power of desire.
The Myth of the Good Girl
The conversation delves into the societal pressures that inform and often restrict women's behaviors, emphasizing the damaging archetype of the 'good girl.' Women are encouraged to conform to a narrow definition of goodness that limits their potential and autonomy, often leading to feelings of exhaustion and disillusionment. The discussion notes that such pressures stem from both patriarchy and internalized misogyny, which dictate how women should behave in various roles. Challenging this paradigm is essential for women to recognize their worth beyond societal expectations.
Understanding Envy and Personal Growth
Envy is presented as a significant emotional response that, rather than being a shameful feeling, can reveal deeper insights about one's desires. The podcast encourages women to embrace their envy, viewing it as a signal for what they want in their lives, rather than simply dismissing it as negative. By reframing envy as an opportunity for self-exploration, individuals can gain clarity on their true aspirations and break away from harmful narratives about competition and scarcity. This shift in perspective can lead to a more fulfilling pursuit of one's own goals.
Redefining Ambition and Success
The episode tackles the notion of ambition and how it is culturally perceived, particularly among women. There's a focus on how societal narratives often paint ambitious women as aggressive or unlikable, which contributes to an internal conflict where women feel guilty for their aspirations. This guilt is further exacerbated by the notion that striving for success may lead to isolation or backlash from peers. The dialogue promotes the idea that women should redefine ambition on their own terms, embracing their successes without fear.
Creating a Supportive Female Network
The podcast emphasizes the importance of building a community of support among women to counteract feelings of competition and scarcity in achievement. It highlights that when women uplift each other rather than undermine, everyone can benefit from shared successes. This sisterhood is vital for breaking down traditional narratives that pit women against each other as rival competitors. By fostering collaboration over competition, women can create an environment that nurtures empowerment and celebrates collective achievements.
Content warning: conversations surrounding disordered eating, sexual assault, rape
Hey Financial Feminists! Today’s conversation is one that’s going to challenge the way you see yourself and the world. I sat down with Elise Loehnen — New York Times bestselling author and host of the "Pulling the Thread" podcast — to unpack how the seven deadly sins have been used to keep women small and compliant for centuries. We talk about the trap of trying to be a “good girl” in a society that often tells us to stay quiet, how Elise looks to the seven deadly sins as a framework for what patriarchy sees as a “good girl” and why it’s all bullshit, and how to reclaim our desires, ambitions, and freedom by breaking the rules.