231 The Holiday Survival Guide for Polyamorous People

Nov 22, 2025

Navigating holidays can be a joy and a challenge for those in non-monogamous relationships. Discover how holidays amplify stress and joy while managing complex dynamics with family. Learn the importance of documenting experiences to enhance future celebrations and the extra weight on hinge partners. They share practical strategies like scheduling check-ins and redistributing emotional labor to ease stress. Recognizing personal triggers and co-creating meaningful traditions is key to reclaiming holiday joy.

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INSIGHT

Holidays Are Relationship Amplifiers

Holidays amplify both joy and existing relationship challenges, especially during transitions into non-monogamy.
Expect new conversations, topics, and people to surface tensions you could ignore before.

ANECDOTE

First Fully-Out Holiday Felt Chaotic

Jolie describes her first fully-out holiday season as chaotic and emotionally intense.
She emphasizes that early seasons are the hardest but that it gets better with reflection.

INSIGHT

Outness Levels Drive Hidden Stress

Varying levels of 'outness' with family complicate holiday participation and increase micromanagement impulses.
Attempts to control disclosure raise stress and often backfire.

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Holidays can be a joy-filled time, but they can also become incredibly complicated when you're navigating non-monogamous relationships. How do you balance time between partners, metamours, family members who might not know about your relationship structure, and children who just want to have fun? The stress can quickly overshadow the joy you're hoping to experience.

We've been there! That first holiday season after opening up can feel overwhelming as you try to figure out how to integrate new relationship dynamics into established traditions. The good news is that it does get better with time, especially as you learn what works and what doesn't for your unique situation.

In this episode, we talk about:

— Why holidays act as amplifiers for both joy and challenges in non-monogamous relationships

— The importance of documenting what works and doesn't work during your holiday season so you can make adjustments next year

— How to handle being at different levels of "outness" with different family members during holiday gatherings

— The additional stress that falls on people in "hinge" positions who are trying to balance multiple partners' needs and expectations

— Why non-monogamy often becomes the scapegoat for holiday stress (when holidays have always been complicated!)

— Practical strategies for redistributing emotional labor during the holidays

— The value of scheduling regular check-ins with partners during high-stress holiday periods

— How to identify and honor what brings you joy during the holidays rather than just following traditions out of obligation

— The importance of prioritizing relationships over holiday perfection

— Why reimagining holiday traditions can be a powerful opportunity to align your celebrations with your values

Resources mentioned in this episode:

— Our episode on learning how to spend time together as a polycule

Playing With Fire has been featured at #3 in FeedSpot's list of the ⁠Top 25 Non-monogamy Podcasts⁠!

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Music: Dance of Felt by ⁠Blue Dot Sessions