SPFPP Episode 176: How We Don't Talk About Sex

Group dynamics and violations of boundaries Felt uncomfortable with many personal messages from strangers which felt good initially with positivity turned compliments It took a day or two for this to happen shortly after she posted her introduction Reminder that spaces I invite people into are extensions of me so I need to set expectations THAT ONE GUY IN THE GROUP WHO KEEPS MESSAGING OVER AND OVER Addressing the overwhelm of attention in the group Diagnosed with Genital HSV1 New Year's Day 2019 Was in a relationship 4-5 months when diagnosed and STIs weren’t on the radar. She got her herpes receiving oral from her bf with a history of cold sores which no one asks about because we’re not taught to. Comforting herself with the mantra “This is just a yeast infection”. The side eye from the nurse knocked that mantra out. Presenting lesions that were swabbed, afterwards, she overheard chatter in the hallway “Have you told her?” which was humiliating as a patient. Unaware that cold sores are herpes and could pass on genitally Cried with her boyfriend and they tried to comfort one another Got very sick the day after finding out she had herpes Mom assumed her boyfriend cheated and that wasn’t what she needed, she needed comfort Stayed in the relationship 1.5 years after official diagnosis She received her test results from someone who couldn’t tell her what type of HSV she had for some reason even though she already knew. Speaks volumes to inconsistency Who should deliver a diagnosis? A patient care advocate? On staff sex professional? Delivery of her traumatic diagnosis did not help Herpes brought up past trauma, specifically an assault that had occurred and the shame resurfaced after pretending it didn’t happen and not processing. After her diagnosis this came to the forefront. Was uncomfortable with therapy and attempted to deal alone but it wasn’t working. She became disgusted with her body even in the mirror by herpes and assault. Don’t make excuses or blame yourself and as much as it sucks, you gotta process it. Supporting survivors looks like holding judgment free space for the other person Repressing feelings can show up during alone times Prescribed antidepressants after a follow up appointment gave her an opportunity to plan out her suicide attempt because from her diagnosis. She was gonna down them. There’s no RIGHT way to deliver a diagnosis. It’s all situational Sexual health IS Mental health Realizing she had genital herpes, but her bf had oral herpes, not genital. Look at the stigma and disconnect there in the relationship with jealousy based on location. He broke up with her as the relationship was becoming “toxic” and she wouldn’t entertain the idea of it ending. Elaborate on toxic so we can catch it and call it out. Being single can be isolating when you have herpes so it’s hard to talk to people about it