In this enlightening discussion, psychology professor Nick Epley and writer Mandy Len Catron share insights on meaningful communication. Epley reveals how deep questions can create strong connections and transform conversations. Catron reflects on her viral New York Times article about love and the power of structured queries. They explore how thoughtful engagement can foster intimacy, even among strangers. Listeners learn practical tips to enhance their relationship-building skills through genuine, transparent dialogue.
Asking deeply personal questions can transform initial apprehension in conversations into meaningful connections and understanding between individuals.
The shift from admonition to inquiry in communication can catalyze personal growth and enhance relationships in both formal and informal settings.
Deep dives
The Power of Deep Questions
Asking deep questions can significantly enhance communication and connection between individuals. This concept is exemplified by Nick Epley's experience at a hedge fund conference, where he prompted attendees to share personal stories about their emotional experiences, such as the last time they cried. Initially met with apprehension, this exercise transformed into a lively exchange, leaving participants feeling closer to one another. Epley emphasizes that the right types of questions, known as deep questions, facilitate meaningful interactions that can lead to unexpected connections.
The Impact of Parental Questions
Nick Epley reflects on a pivotal moment in his teenage years when the way his parents communicated with him changed his perspective on life. After being caught drinking and driving, his parents' initial lectures failed to resonate, leaving him disengaged. However, when they shifted to asking him probing questions about his motivations, Epley began to reflect and confront his behavior more deeply, illustrating the effectiveness of inquiry over admonition. This realization sparked his interest in understanding why certain questions can catalyze personal growth and social connection.
Applying Deep Questions in Everyday Life
The ability to ask deep questions is not limited to formal settings; it can be practiced in everyday interactions to foster connections. Mandy Lynn Catron's popularization of the Fast Friends Procedure reveals that intimate questions can lead to unexpected bonds, even on dates with strangers. It is essential to approach these conversations with genuine curiosity and openness, as this fosters a safe environment for self-disclosure. Epley underscores that although it might initially feel awkward, asking deeper questions can transform mundane interactions into profound connections.
Why are some people able to talk with just about anyone—about almost anything? One answer may lie in the questions we ask—and how deeply we ask them. Stick with us here…
In this episode, host Charles Duhigg examines why deep questions are so powerful and how to ask them in everyday life.
He talks to Nick Epley, psychology professor at the University of Chicago and lifelong researcher of deep questions. And we catch up with Mandy Len Catron, 10 years after she wrote the viral New York Times article “The 36 Questions That Lead to Love.”
This Slate miniseries dives into the art and science of meaningful conversations, inspired by Duhigg’s bestselling book, Supercommunicators.
Supercommunicators was produced by Derek John and Sophie Summergrad.