352: Do you ever feel collapsed or hopeless? (Like nothing’s working) (ft. Jason Lange)

Does a part of you ever feel like just giving up? It's too much, it's too heavy, it's too complicated, it's too hard. Or has it ever felt like, "What's the point?"

The truth is, we all have points in our lives when we feel overwhelmed. This can also show up in the, "Here I am again… I’m in the SAME SPOT. I always circle back to this.'"

If you're single, perhaps it's: "Nothing's working in dating." If you're partnered, it could be: "I'm trying and trying, but nothing’s working to get us reconnected."

Or as Jason says, "In my relationship, it would be anytime that I would get activated into feeling like I’m not enough."

Here we go into what's happening on a physiological level when this part is showing up for you -- the two poles. These are dorsal shutdown — disassociation/sleepy/collapsed/yawning; and sympathetic overdrive — hyper/activated/manic/wired/anger.

We talk about how to recognize these states, and what to do it when you do. Hint: "Connection and movement are two of the most important things. And sometimes to shift our mindset, we have to shift our body first."

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Memorable quotes from this episode:

• "Our whole system just shuts down, and we’re frozen or disassociated."
• “What’s the point of trying? What’s the point of getting angry? What’s the point of connecting with someone online? It’s not going to change.”
• "It’s a deep place of suffering when we don’t feel like we have agency over our own life."
• "Rumination — our mind is racing but our body isn’t moving."
• "The optimal place is in the middle: We’re engaged, and we’re relaxed."
• "One of the ways we get back to that relaxed state is through social connection."
• "One breath, one step."
• “If we can be with it, we can be free from it.”

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Mentioned on this episode:

• Dear Men 196: Were you a child of emotional neglect?