ERP 144: How to Increase Relationship Satisfaction with Mindfulness - Part Three

If you missed part one, you can check it out here ERP 142, where I give practical explanations and examples of mindfulness. In episode ERP 143, I talked about important research that is showing higher levels of mindfulness contributes to happier, more satisfying relationships. In this episode, I also give you the first 3 ways that mindfulness benefits you and your relationship.

1. More Attentive

2. Able to respond Rather Than React.

3. More Emotionally Regulated

(Please listen to the podcast episode or read the transcript to hear explanations, stories and examples.)

7 WAYS MINDFULNESS BENEFITS YOU AND YOUR RELATIONSHIP.

4. Increased Self-Awareness

• As we develop skill in mindfulness, the anterior cingulate cortex in our brain changes. This area is associated with impulse control, attention, emotion, as well with our sense of self.
• Mindfulness helps us control the impulse to act out in destructive and manipulative ways, as well as redirect our attention towards our higher intentions, goals, and values.
• With more self-awareness, we can observe our emotions and behaviors and recognize when we are going down a path of doing and saying things from a hurt place.
• With self-awareness, we can recalibrate when we have gotten off track.

5. Clearer Communication

• "Communication issues" are a frequent complaint couples have when seeking help.
• Most often it is not about needing better communication, but it is about developing the awareness and understanding of what is going on underneath that is important.
• Typically, we will attack, blame, turn away or protest in the hopes that our partner will recognize our hurt and offer reassurance, love, and support. But often this does not work.
• However, if we have clear insight into our vulnerability and pain, we are in a much better position to communicate clearly with our partner. In this case, they are much more likely to be able to understand, empathize and want to help.

How Mindfulness Techniques Can Help Your Relationship, By Erica Turner "One of the biggest benefits of mindfulness is its ability to help us slow down intense emotional processes. Often, when we are upset or disappointed or frustrated with our partner, our brain is in hyperdrive. We are on high alert in trying to get our needs met and express ourselves. Unfortunately, this high anxiety status can impede us from being able to clearly tell our partners what we're looking for from them. Approaching your partner mindfully can help you slow down so that you can have a more productive conversation."

• With mindfulness, we can develop the ability to be more clear and direct with our communication. We can be more tactful and kind, as we assist our partner in meeting us.

6. More Empathy

• With mindfulness, the insula, the part of the brain that is associated with empathy and compassion changes.
• As we develop mindfulness, we have more capacity to understand our partner's perspective.
• We can identify with their emotion and feel empathy, compassion, and the desire to help.
• This is a major turning point in any difficult conversation, as this is where connection can occur and possibilities start to open up.
• The more we practice, the more care and empathy we can bring to a difficult conversation.
• When our partner feels our care and consideration, they are more likely to open up and engage in a productive way.
• With a climate of more compassion and warmth, partners feel more love, support, and intimacy, which strengthens their bond and connection.

7. More Acceptance

• In the series about pain, I talked about how life involves some degree of pain.
• When we worry about the pain, try to avoid the pain, or try to make it different, we create a lot of suffering.
• Often times, when couples seek help, they have been in pain for a long period of time. Unfortunately, it is actually the way they have tried to avoid the pain that has created much more damage, problems and suffering than the initial pain itself.
• Mindfulness increases our ability to be present with what is.
• As we become more mindful, we achieve a greater sense of inner peace.

HOW TO PRACTICE MINDFULNESS

Here are some links to some great mindfulness resources and exercises to get you started:

• 22 Mindfulness Exercises, Techniques & Activities For Adults (Article)
• 6 Mindfulness Exercises You Can Try Today (Article)
• How Mindfulness Techniques Can Help Your Relationship, By Erica Turner (Article)
• Guided Mindfulness Meditation Series 1: A Complete Guided Mindfulness Meditation Program from Jon Kabat-Zinn (Audio)
• Guided Mindfulness Meditation Series 2 (Audio)
• Guided Mindfulness Meditation Series 3 by Kabat-Zinn, Jon (2012) Audio CD (Audio)

MENTIONED:

• ERP 143: How to Increase Relationship Satisfaction with Mindfulness – Part Two (podcast)
• ERP 142: How to Increase Relationship Satisfaction with Mindfulness (podcast)
• ERP 140: How Pain and Suffering Increase & What to Do about It (podcast)
• ERP 141: How To Decrease Relationship Pain and Suffering (podcast)
• The Value in Pain and the Pain in Value, by Lode Dewulf (TED Talk)
• Photo by Jared Rice on Unsplash

TRANSCRIPT:

Click on this link to access the transcript for this episode:

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If you are interested in developing new skills to overcome relationship challenges, please consider taking the Connected Couple Program or doing relationship coaching work with me.