#101: Why Women Ask Details

Welcome to episode #101 of RL Radio! I don't know about you, but it is SO cool being in the hundreds, and we are so glad to have you all here with us! In this episode, we discuss why women ask for details in recovery. Women often get a bad rap for asking for more information; even well-meaning supporters and counselors try to convince her that she doesn't need to know everything, thinking this is helpful. We discuss at the beginning of the episode how wives are already voiceless in this process, so anywhere in recovery that we can give her her voice back is HUGE. How much information a wife does or doesn't want should ALWAYS be her choice. Here are just some of the reasons that wives ask for details: 1 - To piece together her timeline. 2 - Helping herself not feel crazy / making sense of her story. 3 - Trying to reconcile/recalibrate her gut. 4 - To figure out and assess: how much did I mean to you? 5 - Knowing if there was anything sacred in the relationship. 6 - To understand the level of danger - Asking: Am I safe intellectually, emotionally, spiritually, and physically? 7 - To reconcile her concept of her husband. 8 - To take the edge off the pain (by gathering information). 9 - Knowing all of the details can give a sense of control and safety. 10 - To understand what she is forgiving. 11 - In the thick of the trauma, getting carried away and asking things that maybe she doesn't even want answers to. 12 - Fact Checking. 13 - Gaging willingness and brokenness in him. 14 - To pursue intimacy with him - I want to know YOU, is what she is essentially saying. 15 - Trying to figure out which locations, experiences, and people are tainted (or not). We are so glad YOU are here. Thanks for joining us for Season #8.

• Ladies, would love for you to consider one of our support groups in the New Year! We have several starting, and you can snag all the details here.

• The Worthy of Her Trust Workshop for men, outside San Antonio, TX, is right around the corner in January 2026. Click here for all the details.

• We will be uploading the video portion of the podcasts to the WOHT Academy website. If you scroll to the bottom of this page, you'll find the signup button for our Public Content Section. If the content is helpful, you might consider joining the Academy membership to access more teaching videos and weekly live teaching with our team.

• Make sure you download the Podcast Freebies! You can do that here.

• For more information on RL Academy, click here.

• Join the community on Instagram - @shelley_martinkus.

• We offer 1:1 coaching, couples recovery coaching, support groups, MasterClasses, and online courses - check out our websites: redemptiveliving.com and rlforwomen.com for the full scoop!

• Click here to subscribe to Shelley's {almost} monthly letter + announcements. Click here to subscribe to Jason's list.

• Questions for the Podcast? Email us with the subject line: Podcast