Keep Talking Episode 144: Orna Donath: The Last Taboo - Women Who Regret Motherhood
Feb 28, 2025
Orna Donath, an Israeli sociologist and author of 'Regretting Motherhood,' dives into the complex feelings women face about motherhood. She discusses the distinction between regret and ambivalence, shedding light on societal pressures influencing these sentiments. Orna explores the taboo around regret, revealing how silence perpetuates it. She outlines three groups of regretful mothers and argues that stigma can be reduced through openness. Reflecting on her own choice to be childfree, she emphasizes the importance of personal agency in family decisions.
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Episode notes
Regret Is Different From Ambivalence
- Orna Donath distinguishes regret from ambivalence and centers the retrospective judgment that motherhood was not worthwhile for some women.
- She argues many mothers may love their children yet still feel becoming a mother was a mistake and would not choose it again.
How The Study Began
- Donath describes her PhD origin: a prior study on people who don't want children and the persistent societal promise that they will regret it.
- That curiosity led her to conduct the first qualitative study interviewing women who explicitly said becoming a mother was a mistake.
Two Criteria To Identify Regret
- Donath sets two criteria for regret: a negative answer to 'would you become a mother again?' and seeing no net advantages to motherhood.
- She excludes ambivalent mothers who have hardships but still find motherhood worthwhile from her regret study.
