Ashley Stahl: Driven By Childhood Trauma & How To Know If Your Motives Are Authentic
Sep 6, 2024
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Ashley Stahl, a strategist with a Master’s from King’s College London and a psychology background, shares her journey shaped by childhood trauma. She recounts a pivotal moment when her father's panic about money influenced her life path. The conversation dives into the impact of fear versus passion in motivation, the significance of childhood experiences on identity, and the quest for authentic self-discovery. Stahl emphasizes aligning one’s career with innate talents while navigating the shadows of past traumas.
Ashley Stahl's childhood trauma, particularly her father's panic attack about money, profoundly shaped her motivations to save others through wealth accumulation.
The podcast highlights the complex interplay of nature and nurture, as Stahl reflects on how her upbringing influenced her empathy and career aspirations.
Stahl's experiences illustrate how childhood lessons about money can impact adult perceptions of financial success and personal value.
Deep dives
The Impact of Childhood Trauma on Drive
Childhood trauma can significantly shape an individual's motivations and life choices. For instance, Ashley Stahl recounts a pivotal moment when her father experienced a panic attack linked to financial stress, which led her to vow that she would amass wealth to ease his suffering. This formative event influenced her lifelong drive to save and support others, connecting a personal history of fear and responsibility to her current pursuits. Reflecting on such experiences can offer insights into one's authentic motives and help distinguish between genuine aspirations and those shaped by past trauma.
Understanding the Nature vs. Nurture Debate
The nature versus nurture dynamic is central to personal development and career choices. Stahl reveals her feelings of being an anomaly in a family of real estate professionals, suggesting that her unique perspective emerged from both her upbringing and inherent qualities. She attributes her empathy and desire to help others to her childhood experiences and environment, yet she also identifies her core traits as unchangeable. This interplay between innate characteristics and external influences highlights the complexity of personal identity and career motivations.
The Influence of Money Mindset
Money perceptions formed in childhood can have lasting effects on adult behaviors and choices. Stahl describes a formative birthday incident where her father revealed financial limitations, creating a lasting association between money and emotional well-being. This early lesson instilled a belief that financial success is tied to personal value and the ability to protect loved ones. Such entrenched mindsets can drive individuals toward conflicting goals, leading them to chase wealth out of fear rather than joy, sometimes culminating in feelings of emptiness even upon achieving financial success.
Trauma and Personal Growth
Experiences of trauma, both big 'T' and little 't', play crucial roles in shaping personalities and career paths. For Stahl, a significant traumatic event from her past resurfaced during therapy, allowing her to confront deep-seated anxieties that affected her relationships and life choices. This realization was pivotal to her healing process, underscoring the importance of addressing unresolved trauma to reclaim personal agency and emotional stability. Recognizing and processing these experiences can illuminate how they influence current decisions and pave the way for healthier motivations in both personal and professional contexts.
The Concept of Life as an Experiment
Viewing life and career as an experiment allows individuals to embrace growth without self-judgment. Stahl emphasizes the significance of self-acceptance over constant self-improvement, suggesting that recognizing and valuing one’s authentic self is vital. She advocates for a flexible approach to career development, where embracing new directions is seen as a natural part of personal evolution. This mindset alleviates the pressure of perfectionism and facilitates positive shifts away from unhealthy patterns toward more fulfilling choices.
Following is a story that is far more common than we realize. A childhood trauma that directs our lives, for better and/or worse. When I first started focusing on drive and researching for my book, this is one of the earlier conversations I had with an influential person, digging into their personal story of drive. Ashley got a Master’s degree from King’s College London’s Department of War Studies, as well as a Master’s in Psychology from University of Santa Monica. She started her career in counterterrorism under the Obama administration and learned speech writing while working for the government. She went on to write a bestselling book that put her on the map as an influencer, YOU TURN: Get Unstuck, Discover Your Direction, Design Your Dream Career. Today she runs the Wise Whisper Agency where she helps people create their signature talk and get on big stages. There is the fancy, public bio. My interest however was in her deeper story. The one where at age 10 her Dad had a panic attack about a business turned bad and he exclaimed to Ashley that money was going to kill him. Right then and there Ashley vowed, “I’m going to make a lot of money so that life is easy and I can save my dad from dying." I pulled on this thread and we discussed how it influenced her lifelong quest to save and rescue and help people. What is true to who she is and how much was errant from that early experience with her dad? It will bring up your motives and which are authentic to you and which are influenced by life experiences that could take us down a wrong path. You can find Ashley at ashleystahl.com and tune in to her You Turn podcast.
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