Conversations from the Heart #87 - Feeling "Undermined"? How to Reclaim Your Power.
Mar 31, 2025
41:30
In this episode, Jaya brings forward a challenge that many of us can relate to - leaving conversations feeling undermined or devalued. She struggles with how to maintain her power and self-worth when people dismiss, invalidate, or fail to recognize her contributions. Her core questions include:
- How do I keep my power when dealing with people who undermine or devalue me?
- What language can I use to defend myself?
- How do I navigate situations where I freeze in response to subtle invalidation?
- Why do some people always take a contrarian point of view, and how can I respond?
- How do I handle accusations of being selfish when I set boundaries or withdraw?
Key Takeaways for Listeners
- Shift Your Perspective - Stop seeing these moments as something being done to you and instead as data about the other person's patterns and needs.
- Break the Victim Cycle - Seeing yourself as prey in a predator-prey dynamic keeps you in freeze mode. Recognizing others' behaviors as their habitual strategies helps reclaim your power.
- Practice Self-Connection - Instead of seeking validation from someone who won't provide it, turn inward and self-attune: What am I feeling? What do I need?
- Ask for What You Want - If someone is dismissing your feelings, redirect the conversation by explicitly asking them to focus on your experience rather than rationalizing the other person's behavior.
- Recognize Their Needs - Many people default to giving advice or taking a contrarian stance as a way of meeting their own needs - to feel helpful, competent, or insightful. Seeing this can help depersonalize their behavior.
- Exit With Grace - If someone is Monopolizing the conversation or invalidating you, set a boundary: "I just realized I need to get going." No justification is needed.
- Selfishness vs. Self-Connection - True self-care benefits everyone. When you act from self-connection rather than obligation, you model healthy relational dynamics.
We Discuss:
- 1:01 Opening thoughts
- 3:05 I feel undermined and I freeze. How can I reframe this?
- 12:17 They're not "doing something to me". They're providing data about themselves.
- 14:28 Asking for what you want as a strategy out of the educating
- 20:51 What can I say if I don't want to listen anymore?
- 28:27 What can I say when someone accuses me of being selfish?
- 31:04 Closing Thoughts
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