Savage Lovecast Episode 971

7 snips

Jun 10, 2025

Nico Carney, a Brooklyn-based comedian and trans man, uses humor to tackle serious topics in the LGBTQIA+ community. He discusses the importance of laughter in understanding trans experiences, shares anecdotes about navigating dating post-transition, and examines genital preferences. The conversation also explores intimacy issues, including a woman's struggle with anxiety around bodily functions during sex and a man questioning compatibility in a polyamorous relationship. Nico’s journey highlights comedy as a bridge for connection and activism.

Ask episode

AI Snips

Chapters

Books

Transcript

Episode notes

ADVICE

Pelvic Floor Help for Orgasm Anxiety

See a pelvic floor specialist to improve muscular control and relax before orgasms.
Accept you may need to pee before sex and manage it to maintain spontaneity safely outdoors.

ADVICE

Addressing Tumultuous Polyamory

If your partner unilaterally changes relationship terms, consider leaving to end the drama.
Decide if emotional costs are worth staying; accept the price of being in the relationship.

INSIGHT

Comedy as Trans Activism

Humor humanizes trans experiences and fosters understanding better than scolding.
Comedy breaks down barriers by sharing relatable, personal stories about identity and challenges.

Get the Snipd Podcast app to discover more snips from this episode

Get the app

When she was in high school, she surprised herself and delighted her boyfriend by squirting all over his face. But the incident alarmed her enough to set off a neurotic need to pee before every sexual encounter. How can she get out of her head about it, and allow for spontaneity in her current, awesome sex life?

A woman is in an in a polyamorous, fantastic, committed relationship full of compersion. Sounds great right? The problem? When they get "activated" he tells her he needs to be with someone who is more intellectually aligned with him. Because you see, he has a Phd in engineering, and she has a mere bachelor in fine arts. When he says things like this, is it just an "avoidant deactivation tactic?"

Let's move on. We are so excited about our guest this week! Nico Carney is a Brooklyn based comedian whose stand-up covers his experiences as a trans man from the South. He and Dan talk about how using humor works so much better than scolding to bring people in to understanding of trans experiences. They talk about genital preferences, and the benefits of interrogating your desires. And, FYI, after coming out in college, Nico still bagged hot chicks. Not a problem. A little is on the Micro, and all of it is on the Magnum.

And, do you have problems? Serious ones? This gal's problem is that her boyfriend loses her lighter sometimes.

Q@Savage.Love 206-302-2064

This episode is brought to you by Squarespace. They make it easy to build a website or blog. Give it a whirl at Squarespace.com/Savage and if you want to buy it, use the code Savage for a 10% off your first purchase.

This episode is brought to you by Helix Sleep. Right now, Helix is offering 20% off site wide. Go to HelixSleep.com/Savage. With Helix, better sleep starts now.

This episode is brought to you by Liberator: makers of pillows, shapes and furniture for new exciting sex. Go to Liberator.com/Savage or type “Savage” into the search bar for private VIP access to deals that are too good to announce on this podcast!

Dan Savage is a sex-advice columnist, podcaster, animal lover, author, and creator of the It Gets Better Project. From squirting, to sexting, kissing to kink and with a dose of progressive politics, Dan Savage has been cultural force for sex positivity since you were a little, bitty baby.