Life, Mastered with Molly Claire 187. Navigating Emotions: A Guide for Moms Raising Boys with Heidi Allsop
When I first began my own motherhood journey, surviving each day seemed to be the goal. Can you relate? As women, the degree to which we can feel spread thin and overwhelmed by the emotional overload of becoming a mom can seem unbearable. And yet, I’ve come to learn that while “survival” mode can serve us from time to time, ultimately leaning into thriving is not only possible, but an incredible opportunity to expand our ability to impact our kids.
I love supporting women in my work and have a special place in my heart for motherhood. This began early in my career when I wrote, The Happy Mom Mindset, and today I’m excited to share about a conversation I had with one of my very own Master Coach training clients, Heidi Allsop, on her podcast Raising Boys, Building Men. Heidi is a mom of five boys, and her podcast provides incredible insight into the challenges (and joys) of parenting, specifically when it comes to raising boys. I'm thrilled to rebroadcast this podcast episode and share some of the tools we discussed in this blog.
Personally, I'm a mom to three amazing kids–two young adult boys and a teenage girl. Not only have I coached many women through their parenting challenges, but I have experienced my own firsthand. I know what it's like to navigate boys and their teenage years and all the emotions that come with it. Because of my holistic approach to coaching, I also know how vital understanding emotions is–in general for all of us, but especially when it comes to being there for our kids.
So today, we are diving into all things emotions and teenage boys–a subject that touches many moms in a unique way. Every mom experiences her teenage son differently, so when we talk about teenage boys and their emotions, this can mean a few different things. Sometimes, it's big, loud emotions that present themselves in angry outbursts–an easy emotion for teenage boys to express. On the opposite end of the spectrum are boys with a lot of emotions coming up, but they stay silent and we don't know what they're thinking. The variety and unpredictability of emotions can make navigating raising boys–or any child–as a mom so difficult. So what do we do? How do we help them learn and navigate those emotions so they can keep developing through the years and become great people? After reading this blog, you'll take away strategies to help you.
Whether you're a mom or not–and whether you have boys or not– this conversation will give you incredible insights into our emotional world as human beings–something that every coach needs to be aware of.
Why emotional regulation is essential for moms
As moms, we often have the idea that we must gauge the emotions of the people around us: Where are we today? Are we up? Are we down? We believe there's a certain thing that we should do depending on what mood our kids are in. We end up focusing so much on trying to be a detective about something happening outside of us, and it's not a useful way to direct our time and energy–it's anxiety-producing, and it's not the answer or the solution.
A better question to ask ourselves is, where am I today? When you wake up in the morning, take the time to say, what's my temperature? How am I doing? It is essential to pay attention to how we feel and ensure we're attending to our needs. Creating practices for better emotional regulation for ourselves is the foundation we need to be there for our kids no matter what mood they're in.
How to create safety in your relationship with your kids
I train coaches and have completed several different training programs. At the beginning of every single one of my training sessions, first and foremost, I teach that the number one indicator of success in terms of what their clients will experience or achieve with them is the relationship and connection between client and coach. That's not to say that the methods and modalities aren't necessary, but a sense of safety is the most essential because it allows people to have trust in their coach.
This is highly relevant to us as moms. As a mom, you are hoping that your child will be receptive, that they will desire to come to you, and that they will trust and rely on you. In order for that to be possible we need to be a safe space for our kids. One of the most important ways we can create that safety is to meet them where they are. This may mean physically–going to where he's playing Xbox to just sit by him, pop some popcorn and watch him play. We also need to meet our kids where they are emotionally–not guessing where they are, but really meeting them where they are.
All moms are doing their best
After listening to the podcast episode, I want you to have hope about overcoming parenting challenges and modeling emotional regulation for your kids. This is something I teach, but it's also something I still have to practice, and I will be practicing this for the rest of my life the same way you do. This is an ongoing journey of working with our emotions and ourselves. All moms are doing our best, and your best may be better than you think.
You can read the full show notes here.
About Heidi Allsop
Heidi Allsop is a Certified Life Coach, Social Worker, and proud Mom of five sons. Known as the Boy Mom Coach, Heidi specializes in empowering moms to strengthen their relationship with their sons, so they can truly enjoy him at every age. With nearly three decades of experience, Heidi understands the challenges of raising boys in today’s world. Her Strong Moms, Strong Sons philosophy has transformed families, helping moms navigate the tumultuous years from middle school to manhood, fostering a lifelong bond with their boys.
Website: https://www.heidiallsopcoaching.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/heidiallsopcoaching/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/heidiallsopcoaching/
The ‘BoyMoms” Blueprint: https://heidiallsopcoaching.myflodesk.com/boymomblueprint
Connect with Molly Claire
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