Explore the influence of emotions and communication style on productive conversations. Understand the interconnectedness of knowledge, experience, values, and power differences in shaping conversations. Discover the factors influencing interactions and dynamics of authority, privilege, mood, and physical/emotional state. Learn about the factors affecting conflict resolution and strategies for deescalating tense situations. Connect with the speaker and support the podcast.
The elements that influence conversations include the individual's knowledge, values, privilege, mood, and physical and emotional state, as well as the other person's knowledge, understanding, authority perception, mood, and background experiences.
Viewing conversations as systems can promote empathy, cooperation, and understanding, as each element within the system, such as the people involved, their knowledge and values, past experiences with the issue, and the physical and emotional context, plays a role in shaping the conversation.
Deep dives
Elements that influence conversations
In conversations, there are several elements that influence the direction and outcome. The first element is the individual, including their knowledge, values, privilege, mood, and physical and emotional state. These factors greatly impact how they show up and communicate. The second element is the other person, with their own knowledge, understanding, authority perception, mood, and background experiences. Both parties bring their own unique perspectives to the conversation. The third element is the issue itself, which can range from short-term circumstantial matters to long-standing conflicts. The nature of the issue and past experiences with it shape the conversation. Lastly, the environment plays a crucial role, such as whether it is public or private, in person or over digital platforms, and the presence of witnesses. The environment sets the stage for the interaction and can greatly influence its productivity. Understanding these elements can help navigate and improve challenging conversations.
Viewing conversations as systems
A conversation can be seen as a system, where various independent elements come together to produce an outcome. This perspective highlights the interdependence and interconnectedness between individuals, the issue, and the surrounding environment. Recognizing the system-like nature of conversations can promote empathy, cooperation, and understanding. Each element within the system, including the people involved, their knowledge and values, past experiences with the issue, and the physical and emotional context, plays a role in shaping the conversation. By acknowledging the complexity of the system, individuals can work towards more productive and effective interactions.
Taking a curious and empathetic approach
To navigate challenging conversations, it is important to approach them with curiosity and empathy. By considering the conversation as a system and recognizing the various contributing factors, individuals can take a step back and ask themselves, 'What else could this mean?' This simple question can help deescalate tension and create space for understanding and finding common ground. It is essential to be aware of and communicate personal influences, such as mood, physical state, and past experiences, as it can foster vulnerability and facilitate a more constructive dialogue. Additionally, being open to learning, seeking additional resources, and exploring partnerships can further enhance communication skills and conflict resolution.
How many times have you been in a conversation and the other person says or does something unexpected or hostile, and you think to yourself – where did THAT come from!? In fact, you might have thought that very thing about yourself! We might think that frustration, anger, confusion, or other emotions that block productive conversations “come out of nowhere,” but the truth is that they always come from somewhere. Our question this episode: what influences our capacity for connection with others besides what we say and how we say it?