103. Finding the "Living Up to Your Potential" Concept Troubling

Today’s episode is a little different. I’ve been turning over the idea of “living up to your potential” for years, and I’m finally putting words to why it bothers me so much. If that phrase has ever driven your decision-making—or weighed on you in a way you couldn’t quite articulate—I think it's worth examining and challenging it.

I’m not saying you shouldn’t want more or chase goals. But I believe this phrase often leads us away from what we actually want – to choices that are disconnected from our happiness and real desires. And ironically, it can even block us from having the real impact we might be seeking in the first place.

In this episode, I share:

• Why the phrase “fulfilling your potential” feels made up 

• How it shows up in conversations and decision-making, especially among ambitious women

• Why this framing often leads us to dismiss our own happiness, joy, and satisfaction

• A story about how, if I’d used “potential” as a decision-making guide, I might never have left law—and never started the business I love (and arguably is me "fulfilling my potential" "more," if that makes sense)

• A powerful quote from a podcast that hit me hard: “I guess I’d rather be special than happy”

• Why none of this is about shaming ambition—but about grounding our goals in what we want

• The danger of measuring life through a blurry concept that doesn’t actually have a finish line

• A reminder that we can want what we want—and that can be enough

If you’ve internalized the "fulfilling your potential" message, I hope this episode helps you question the story behind that phrase. What if there is no fixed “potential” you have to live up to? You get to want what you want—and build your life around that.

Let me know what you think.  

Mentioned links:

• The post about the Atlantic quote: “I guess I’d rather be special than happy”

• My earlier post about ego and decision-making

Other links you might enjoy:

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