The Best of You 228. The Surprising Problem With Trying to Be Secure: Attachment, Parts Work & Emotional Honesty with Dr. Marisa G. Franco
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Oct 1, 2026 
Dr. Marisa G. Franco, psychologist and bestselling author of Platonic and Worth, explores why performing security can become self-abandonment. She discusses attachment styles as shifting inner parts, emotional honesty, memory reconsolidation, and the role of grief in empathy. They also explore healing painful memories, accepting imperfect loved ones, and integrating the parts of ourselves we once hid.
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Security Means Making Room For Insecurity
- Security does not require eliminating needy, ashamed, or insecure parts of yourself.
- Suppressing those parts repeats the rejection that made them insecure; healing begins by acknowledging them compassionately.
Attachment Styles Are Parts Not Permanent Identities
- Attachment patterns can shift across relationships because different situations activate different parts of you.
- Naming “a part of me is anxious” creates emotional granularity without reducing your identity to an attachment label.
Use The Feel Heal Do Practice
- Practice “feel, heal, do”: notice and label the feeling, offer yourself care, then decide whether your environment needs a response.
- Marisa paused before reassuring a friend and discovered that rejection had passed before any message was necessary.
