Breaking the Likability Trap: Overcoming Gender Double Standards | E468

Have you ever felt like you just can’t win? If you’re too nice, people don’t take you seriously. If you’re too direct, suddenly you’re “too much.” For so many women, this double bind — rooted in gender double standards — is exhausting.

My guest, Dr. Kate Mason, calls this out for what it is: a trap. We’ve been sold the lie that you can either be likable or powerful, but not both. And we’re here to burn that old playbook and create something better.

Kate shows us how likeability isn’t weakness at all — it’s actually a form of power. But when it tips into people-pleasing and what she calls “imposing syndrome,” we start shrinking ourselves, downplaying our ideas, and apologizing for existing. On the flip side, many women hold back for fear of being labeled aggressive, bossy, or difficult. So how do you walk that tightrope without losing yourself?

That’s what we’re unpacking in this conversation. You’ll learn how to recognize the subtle ways you undermine your own authority, how to communicate with both warmth and strength, and how to create a personal style of relating that feels authentic to you. Because the truth is, you don’t have to choose between being liked and being respected.

As you listen, I’d love for you to reflect:

🌱 When do you catch yourself softening your words so you won’t “impose”?

🌱 Where are you still carrying old stories about what power “should” look like?

🌱 And what might change if you gave yourself permission to claim both likability and authority on your own terms?

Episode Breakdown:

00:00 The Likability Trap and Gender Double Standards

01:54 Kate Mason’s Story and the Myth of Two Options

05:01 Likability as Power vs. People-Pleasing

06:05 Imposing Syndrome and How We Minimize Ourselves

13:05 Practical Tools: Personal Audits and Self-Awareness

20:00 Breaking the Binary: Authentic Relating Beyond Gender Roles

34:01 Case Study: Transforming Voice, Posture, and Confidence

43:05 How to Develop Likable Power in Everyday Life

If you’d like more support beyond this episode, you’re welcome to book a free consultation with me or a member of my team. We’ll connect you with the right expert for your goals and send you a personalized set of free resources to help you move forward in your career, relationships, or personal growth.

You can also stay connected with me between episodes on Facebook, Instagram, and YouTube, where I share new tips and encouragement every week. And I’d love to hear from you — your questions, feedback, and ideas for future episodes always help shape these conversations. Let’s talk!

And if you’d like to connect with Dr. Kate Mason, you can find her on Instagram and LinkedIn. Be sure to check out her new book, Powerfully Likeable, coming September 9th — you can pre-order your copy now to dive even deeper into the ideas we explored today.

I'd also like to give a very special thank you to the sponsor of today’s episode: Headway.

I love reading and learning, but finding the time to sit down with a book can feel impossible. That’s why I’m such a fan of the Headway app. I use it almost every day, and it’s been a true game-changer for my personal growth. With Headway, I’m able to absorb the key insights from incredible books in minutes, instead of weeks.

If you want to keep learning and growing right alongside me, I have an exclusive offer for you! Save 25% when you go to makeheadway.com/lhs and use the promo code LHS.

Let’s keep learning and growing together. 🌱

xoxo,

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

Growing Self