The Daily Dad

Don’t Let Them Get Discouraged

Mar 10, 2020

03:10

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Learn why it's crucial for parents to provide support and encouragement when children face difficulties in learning new skills. This chapter discusses the concept of a 'plateau of latent potential' and offers strategies for fostering grit and perseverance in kids.

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Quick takeaways

Consistent encouragement and recognition of even small progress are crucial in helping children persist and understand the value of effort in achieving long-term success.

Dads play a crucial role in guiding children through challenges, teaching them the significance of small steps, and instilling perseverance for success in life.

Deep dives

The Importance of Encouragement and Persistence

When learning new skills or facing challenges, it's common for people to get discouraged and give up. This happens because they lack encouragement or fail to see visible progress. However, just because something takes longer than expected doesn't mean efforts are wasted. In his book 'Atomic Habits', James Clear talks about the 'plateau of latent potential', where progress may not be immediately noticeable. As dads, it's crucial to provide consistent encouragement, help kids recognize even the smallest progress, and manage their expectations. By doing so, dads can influence their children to persist, develop grit, and understand the value of effort in achieving long-term success.

Don't Let Them Get Discouraged

3min

We’ve all done it. It’s happened to almost all of us. We see a thing. We want to try it. It’s hard. And…we give up. Whether it’s karate, business, piano, reading, learning another language...every new skill has a “pain period” and, most of the time, we never get over it.

Because we lack encouragement or any visible progress, we quit. In a way, this is a kind of costly cognitive error. In his book Atomic Habits, James Clear talks about something he calls “The Plateau of Latent Potential.” This plateau can be likened to bamboo, which spends its first five years building extensive root systems underground before exploding ninety feet into the air within six weeks. Or to an ice cube, which will only begin to melt once the surrounding temperature hits thirty-two degrees (or the resulting water that only boils at two hundred and twelve degrees).

Just because it sometimes takes longer than we’d like to see the results of our efforts doesn’t mean that our efforts are going to waste. In fact, most of the important work—the build up—won’t seem like it’s amounting to anything, but of course it is. We struggle with realizing this as adults...so imagine being a kid. They’ve never experienced the elation of suddenly breaking through that plateau. They don’t even have enough experience to understand the bamboo analogy!

Which makes this a key area for a dad to exert important influence. You have to keep encouraging them. You have to help them see even the microscopic progress they’re making. You have to help manage their expectations. It might not seem like doing this piece of homework or trying hard in practice matters. It might not seem like any of it is making a difference, but you can show them how it is. You can show them why it matters.

It’s not that they should never quit things (especially things you forced them to do against their will). It’s that if you want them to get across the threshold, they’ll need your help. They’ll need you to encourage them. They’ll need your help developing grit. They’ll need you to convince them that a payoff is coming.

Because it is. Especially if they can learn this as a general life lesson.

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