122: How Emotional Sobriety Has Changed My Life (And Could Change Yours Too)

In this episode, I talk about how what we call love can actually be an addiction.

I share how I began questioning the way we label addiction as a disease and why abstinence models often keep people stuck. I look at how patterns of chaos, stimulation, and emotional highs and lows show up not just with substances but in love, work, and conflict. I talk about what the rat park studies and early attachment teach us about why we reach for these patterns, and why real intimacy can feel unbearable when our nervous system is wired for drama. I also share the four questions I use to examine any addictive habit so we can start finding what’s on the other side.

You’ll Learn:



• The real reason intensity can feel safer than peace
• What happens when your nervous system is addicted to chaos
• How love addiction mimics substance abuse patterns
• Why you might unconsciously choose partners who can’t meet your needs
• The surprising link between childhood attachment wounds and romantic drama
• What it feels like to reclaim your inner “little no” and trust your gut
• How to identify the upside you’re secretly getting from addictive habits
• The quiet damage of ignoring subtle inner signals
• Why true sobriety goes far beyond quitting alcohol
• A 4-step framework to examine your relationship with any addictive pattern

Timestamps:

[00:00] Introduction

[05:02] How addiction patterns mirror emotional avoidance

[07:12] The victim triangle and nervous system conditioning

[09:18] Love addiction and the fear of true intimacy

[11:58] Reclaiming neuroception and seeing reality clearly

[14:42] Taking yourself off the market to break patterns

[16:15] How drama and chaos feed the addiction cycle

[18:02] Four questions to uncover the roots of addictive behavior

[21:00] What quitting actually gives you beyond abstinence

[23:12] Learning to embrace stability and the liminal space

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Resources Mentioned:

Rat Park Studies by Bruce K. Alexander | Research

The Continuum Concept by Jean Liedloff | Book

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