Men's ADHD Support Group The Unequal Load in ADHD Partnerships with Dusty Chipura
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Aug 29, 2025 Dusty Chipura, a Master-certified ADHD coach and certified doula from Vancouver, dives into the challenges faced in ADHD partnerships. He discusses how emotional labor often falls unequally on partners, exacerbated by historical gender dynamics. Dusty highlights the dangers of resentment and the misleading notion that 'trying harder' solves relationship issues. He introduces the Fair Play Method to visualize hidden mental loads and offers practical tools for creating more equitable domestic arrangements. A must-listen for those navigating ADHD in relationships!
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ADHD Fuels Unequal Domestic Load
- ADHD increases relationship strain by creating unrecognized patterns like parentification and unequal domestic load.
- This often causes resentment and feelings of being unsupported for both partners, worsening over time.
Small Rejections Become Resentment
- The most common couple fights are sex, money, and housework, and ADHD amplifies these conflicts.
- Small daily rejections (unanswered bids) accumulate into deep resentment over time.
Gender Socialization Shapes Household Roles
- Gender socialization skews domestic expectations; women are often socialized to be tidy and manage the household.
- That creates pre-existing systems women run which make men's late attempts to help feel clumsy or intrusive.
