250. Anxiety and Perfectionism with Clarissa Ong

May 12, 2022

Dr. Clarissa Ong, a clinical psychologist and co-author of The Anxious Perfectionist, delves into the complex relationship between anxiety and perfectionism. She shares her personal journey, revealing how perfectionism can be both socially reinforced and harmful. Ong provides practical strategies for discerning helpful from harmful perfectionism, emphasizing self-compassion. The episode explores how perfectionism manifests, including indecision and cultural influences, while offering parents advice on fostering resilience in their children.

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INSIGHT

Perfectionism's Hidden Double-Edged Reward

Perfectionism often looks like competence and gets reinforced by others, creating a double-edged sword.
That external approval can mask costs to relationships and authenticity.

ANECDOTE

Relief In A Messy Home

Jill described relief and closeness when a friend didn't tidy before a visit, which reduced comparison.
Seeing ordinary messiness created connection rather than competition.

ADVICE

Use Values As Your Litmus Test

Ask if your life matches your values to judge whether perfectionism helps or harms you.
Experiment in domains to see if perfectionism produces meaningful gains or just costs.

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Many of us make use of control agendas and get caught up in managing our experiences to be exactly the way we want them. Sometimes this is a good, rewarding type of behavior, but more often than not, perfectionistic behavior can leave you feeling stuck in a cycle of failure. Dr. Clarissa Ong, author of The Anxious Perfectionist, is an expert in the intersection of anxiety and perfectionism. On this episode of POTC, she and Debbie discuss this intersection and explore practical strategies for overcoming problematic, perfectionistic tendencies. Join us in this episode for advice on moving from rigidity into flexibility, practical strategies for distinguishing between helpful and harmful perfectionism, and so much more!

Listen and Learn:

Debbie and Jill discuss the double-edged sword of perfectionism
Dr. Ong’s personal experiences with perfectionism
Practical strategies for distinguishing between helpful and harmful perfectionism
The different forms of perfectionism and how they may present themselves
The intersection between anxiety and perfectionism
Contexts that can nurture or contribute to a person’s perfectionistic tendencies
Evidence-based advice for parents who don’t want to water the seeds of perfectionism in their children
How perfectionism can be like playing a game
What you lose when you’re trapped by perfectionism
Expert-approved advice on moving from rigidity into flexibility around perfectionism (and on helping your friends and loved ones do so as well!)
Practical advice for incorporating a little self-kindness into behaviors governed by perfectionism

Resources:

Read Clarissa’s book, The Anxious Perfectionist!
Follow her on Twitter, @ongclarissaw!
Check out Debbie, Yael, and Jill’s websites to access their offerings, sign up for their newsletters, buy their books, and more!

About Clarissa Ong:

Clarissa W. Ong, PhD, is a postdoctoral associate at the Center for Anxiety and Related Disorders at Boston University. She received her doctoral degree in clinical/counseling psychology from Utah State University, and completed her clinical internship at McLean Hospital/Harvard Medical School. Her research interests include acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT), process-based therapy, obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), hoarding disorder, and perfectionism. She has contributed to more than sixty peer-reviewed publications and a book. She has also received funding from the Association for Contextual Behavioral Science (ACBS). She and Dr. Michael Twohig recently published a self-help book on perfectionism, The Anxious Perfectionist.

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