Psychologists Off the Clock

Trauma and PTSD leave a lasting imprint on how we see ourselves and navigate the world, which is why Debbie sits down with returning guest Dr. Robyn Walser for this episode, a clinical psychologist and expert in evidence-based treatment for PTSD, to explore the path to trauma recovery. Robyn unpacks the principles of exposure therapy, the importance of processing traumatic experiences, and insights from her new book, which she co-authored with Darrah Westrup, You Are Not Your Trauma. This conversation offers a deep understanding of PTSD, the wide-ranging effects of trauma, and how healing involves redefining one’s relationship to past events rather than being retraumatized by them. Listen and Learn:Breaking free from trauma’s grip and reconnecting with the deeper, fuller self beyond itWhy understanding the true meaning of trauma matters and how misusing the word can impact healingUnderstanding how trauma, whether single events or complex, can cause avoidance, disrupt life, and impact relationshipsHow trauma’s fear cycle traps you and how changing your relationship to thoughts frees you to live againReclaiming your life by embracing fear and living your values fully through trauma recovery in ACTEmbracing the natural flow of trauma memories helps you process and regain freedomUsing written exposure therapy helps you safely process trauma by revisiting and writing about itHow structured, flexible exposure therapy in Robyn and Darrah’s new book, You Are Not Your Trauma, helps you process trauma and build lasting resilienceResources: Coming Soon—You Are Not Your Trauma: An Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Guide for Healing from Within by Robyn Walser and Darrah Westrup: https://bookshop.org/a/30734/9781462557899Robyn’s Website: https://robynwalser.com/Connect with Robyn on Social Media: https://www.instagram.com/walser.robyn/https://www.facebook.com/theheartofacthttps://www.linkedin.com/in/robynwalser About Robyn D. WalserRobyn D. Walser, Ph.D., is an internationally recognized clinical psychologist, educator, and author. She is the Director of Trauma and Life Consultation and Psychology Services, Assistant Professor at the University of California, Berkeley, and Director of Research at Bay Area Trauma Recovery Clinical Services. Dr. Walser has contributed significantly to the dissemination of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) and holds a pivotal role in implementing ACT in one of the US's largest national healthcare systems. She also works at the National Center for PTSD, where her work focus is on trauma recovery, depression, and moral injury. A writer and scholar, Dr. Walser has co-authored nine influential books on ACT, including the widely respected The Heart of ACT: Developing a Flexible, Process-Based, and Client-Centered Practice Using Acceptance and Commitment Therapy. Her research and clinical expertise have made her a sought-after voice in advancing the application of ACT to address a variety of complex psychological challenges. Since 1997, Dr. Walser has led ACT workshops worldwide, bringing her passion for process-based, experiential learning to therapists and clinicians. Known for her compassionate and client-centered approach, Dr. Walser’s teaching emphasizes the integration of evidence-based practices with human connection and flexibility. Whether through her books, articles, or live training, Dr. Walser continues to influence the evolution of ACT and inspire professionals in their pursuit of effective, transformative therapy. To learn more about her work, visit robynwalser.com.Book: You Are Not Your Trauma: An ACT Guide for Healing from Within by Robyn D. Walser and Darrah WestrupRelated Episodes: 383. What My Bones Know: C-PTSD with Stephanie Foo279. ACT for Healing Black Racial Trauma with Jennifer Shepard Payne 313. ACT-Informed Exposure for Anxiety with Brian Pilecki and Brian Thompson355. What is EMDR with Jamie Marich 77. Acceptance and Commitment Therapy with Jill Stoddard   320. Anger and Forgiveness with Robyn Walser 106. Therapy from “The Heart of ACT” with Robyn Walser98. Narcissism with Avigail Lev and Robyn Walser  49. Empowering Women with Robyn Walser345. Writing for Personal Growth with Maureen Murdock See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

If you've been feeling like alcohol just doesn’t fit your life anymore, this conversation with Casey Davidson, a Life and Sobriety Coach, might really speak to you.  Casey opens up about her personal journey of becoming alcohol-free, talks you through the benefits and challenges of sobriety, and clears up some common myths along the way.You’ll come away with takeaways about the impact alcohol can have on your mental and physical health, how social norms and marketing can negatively influence drinking habits, and why approaching sobriety with curiosity and self-compassion can make all the difference in your journey. We hope the personal stories combined with practical insights in this episode will be an inspiring and relatable resource for anyone exploring a more mindful relationship with alcohol.Listen and Learn: How Casey broke free from nightly wine, ditched mommy wine culture, and found freedomHow high-functioning people can unknowingly rely on alcohol, and what waking up at 3 AM really meansAlcohol disrupts joy, sleep, and mood. See what changes when you give it up for just 30 daysNavigating sobriety without hitting rock bottom, plus mindset shifts, social fears, and partner dynamicsWhy the term "alcoholic" can be misleading, and how redefining sobriety empowers choiceHow non-alcoholic drinks can fit joyful routines without the triggersThe lasting benefits of 30, 60, and 100 days sober, like better sleep, mood, and self-careWhy trying to moderate drinking often traps you in a craving cycle, and quitting frees your mind and sparks new creativityResources: Casey’s website: Hello Someday Coaching - https://hellosomedaycoaching.com/The Hello Someday Podcast For Sober Curious Women - https://hellosomedaycoaching.com/podcast/ Good Morning America asked Casey how I saved $48,000 by not drinking alcohol!: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EyrfQMv5waU&authuser=0Connect with Casey on Social Media:https://www.linkedin.com/in/caseydavidson/https://www.instagram.com/caseymdavidson/https://facebook.com/hellosomedayAbout Casey McGuire Davidson: Casey McGuire Davidson is a Life & Sobriety Coach and the host of the Top 100 Mental Health Podcast, The Hello Someday Podcast for Sober Curious Women. As an ex-red wine girl who spent 20 years climbing the corporate ladder while holding on tightly to her love of wine, Casey’s passionate about helping busy women stop drinking and create lives they love without alcohol. Her work has been featured on Good Morning America, NPR, HuffPost, The New York Times and NBC News.Related Episodes176. Fair Play with Eve Rodsky202. The Addiction Inoculation with Jess Lahey206. Fair Play Part 2 with Eve Rodsky233. Dopamine Nation with Anna Lembke247. Find Your Unicorn Space with Eve Rodsky286. Not Drinking Tonight with Amanda White316. Understanding Addiction with Judith Grisel402. Harm Reduction for Addiction with Kristin DempseySee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Why do so many kids seem unmotivated at school, and what can we do about it? In this episode of Psychologists Off the Clock, we’re taking a look at what’s really going on with student engagement, especially during those tricky adolescent years. Our guests, Rebecca Winthrop and Jenny Anderson, co-authors of The Disengaged Teen, join Emily to break it all down. From the four types of learners—the Passenger, Achiever, Resistor, and Explorer—to how we can help kids tap into curiosity and motivation, this conversation is full of eye-opening insights for both parents and educators. They also unpack the pressures of today’s achievement culture, the influence of tech and AI, and most importantly, how parents and teachers can support teens in becoming more confident, engaged learners.Listen and Learn: Why Rebecca Winthrop and Jenny Anderson wrote a game-changing book to fix the student disengagement crisisWhy only 4% of teens feel truly engaged in school, and what you can do to change thatWhat true engagement looks like in your teen How boosting your child’s engagement in learning can improve grades, motivation, and mental healthWhy the “age of achievement” hoop-jumping is harming your child and how to shift toward true agencyHow your child can shift between four learning modes and how you can help them thriveSpotting if your child’s stuck in “passenger mode” and igniting their true learning sparkHow your neurodivergent or struggling child can unlock support and build resilienceHow your well-meaning expectations might be fueling your child’s harmful perfectionismTurning your child’s “resistor mode” into growth by truly understanding and supporting themWhy your child’s curiosity and choices spark real learning skills that grades and rules can’t teachHow your curiosity and relationship with your child can transform their learning mindsetResources: The Disengaged Teen: Helping Kids Learn Better, Feel Better, and Live Better:https://bookshop.org/a/30734/9780593727072Jenny’s website: https://www.jennywestanderson.org/ Rebecca’s website: https://www.rebeccawinthrop.com/Connect with Rebecca on social media: https://www.instagram.com/drrebeccawinthrop/?hl=enhttps://x.com/rebeccawinthrop?lang=enhttps://www.linkedin.com/in/rebecca-winthrop-b36b0617Connect with Jenny on social media: https://uk.linkedin.com/in/jennyandersonnythttps://x.com/jwestanderson?lang=enhttps://www.instagram.com/jennyandersonwrites/?hl=en About Rebecca Winthrop and Jenny AndersonRebecca Winthrop is a leading global authority on education, the director of the Center for Universal Education at Brookings and an adjunct professor at Georgetown University. She is dedicated to ensuring that every child has the opportunity to thrive in life, work, and as an engaged citizen. She leads cutting-edge research and initiatives aimed at transforming education systems around the world to better support children's learning and development. Rebecca is a trusted advisor to both school communities and national and international organizations. Her expertise is sought by many including parent networks, schools, district education leaders, the White House, the United Nations, and Fortune 500 companies. Rebecca's work is centered on developing and advocating for evidence-based strategies that bring people together—families, educators, policymakers, and companies—to help children maximize their potential. She holds a PhD from Columbia University’s Teachers College, an MA from its School of International and Public Affairs, and a BA from Swarthmore College.Jenny Anderson is an award-winning journalist, author, and speaker with more than 25 years of experience. Her work has appeared in some of the world’s leading publications, including The New York Times, where she was on staff for 10 years, TIME, The Atlantic, the Wall Street Journal and Quartz.Related Episodes:369. Good News About Adolescence with Ellen Galinsky344. Differently Wired Kids with Deborah Reber332. Middle School Superpowers with Phyllis Fagell324. Toxic Achievement Culture with Jennifer Wallace319. Autonomy-Supportive Parenting with Emily Edlynn272. Middle School Matters with Phyllis FagellSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

What’s a skill that can instantly improve your relationships, communication, and even your influence? In this episode, Yael talks with Caroline Fleck, a licensed psychologist and author of Validation, to unpack exactly that. Caroline explains what validation really is, how it’s different from empathy or sympathy, and why it can be so powerful in both personal and professional relationships.  They walk you through how validation first gained traction in therapy, especially in dialectical behavior therapy, and Caroline shares simple techniques like attending, copying, and proposing that anyone can use. You’ll get Caroline’s take on the challenge of validating someone when you strongly disagree, the role of self-disclosure in connection, and how our understanding of emotions has shifted from classic microexpressions to a more nuanced view of emotional experience. If you’re looking for practical ways to build better relationships and truly connect, this episode is full of insight. Listen and Learn:  What is validation? Why feeling truly seen and accepted is the key to deeper trust, love, and real connection in your life How invalidation can be toxic to your relationships and how empathy and validation actually heal them Can validation help you connect with someone even if you don’t agree or relate to their situation? How accepting someone else's view first can actually boost your influence and get you heard more often The simple act of repeating exact words in conflict helps fights cool down and allows real conversations to happen Why messing up shows you’re trying to truly understand, and how that keeps the connection real Why you don’t have to agree with someone’s whole view to validate it; just find the part that makes sense How to be open, but balanced, to create space for real connection and trust to grow Resources:  Validation: How the Skill Set That Revolutionized Psychology Will Transform Your Relationships, Increase Your Influence, and Change Your Life https://bookshop.org/a/30734/9780593541210 Visit Caroline’s website: https://drcarolinefleck.com/ Connect with Caroline on social media:  https://www.linkedin.com/in/carolinefleck/ https://www.instagram.com/carolinefleckphd/ https://www.youtube.com/@Dr.CarolineFleck https://www.tiktok.com/@drcarolinefleck  Boogie Board Tablet on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/stores/page/B551B3AA-1FD5-4BBA-AB25-58D0F67052FE?ingress=0&visitId=8be7808f-e257-437b-b72f-b8e79fd8fca9  Study on empathic effort versus accuracy How Emotions Are Made by Lisa Feldman Barrett The Autistic Brain by Temple Grandin About Caroline Fleck:  Dr. Caroline Fleck is a licensed psychologist, writer, and corporate consultant who has served as a supervisor and consultant for some of the most rigorous training programs in the country, including Dr. Marsha Linehan’s program at the University of Washington, the Department of Psychiatry at Stanford Medical Center, and the VA Palo Alto. She is a respected voice in psychology and has been featured in national media outlets, including The New York Times, Good Morning America, and The Huffington Post. Her new book, which we’re here to discuss, is the first of its kind to make the specialized validation skills therapists master to get through to anyone available to everyone. Related Episodes: Episode 120: Use DBT Skills to Regulate Emotions and Be More Effective in Relationships with Matthew McKay Episode 241. Emotion Coaching Skills for Families with Mindy Solomon Episode 282. Toxic Positivity with Whitney Goodman Episode 397. The Mindful Path to Intimacy with James Cordova Episode 408. Connecting like a Hostage Negotiator with Gary Noesner Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoicesSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

In a world constantly demanding our attention and energy, have you ever felt trapped between the crucial need to care for yourself and the undeniable urge to care for those around you?  Well, for this conversation, Debbie gets into that very dilemma with Dr. Jordan Quaglia, as he challenges us to move beyond the 'either/or' of self-care and explore his revolutionary 'We Care' approach.  Jordan, who is the author of Self-Care to We Care: The New Science of Mindful Boundaries and Caring From an Undivided Heart, gives his take on the research on balancing self-care with caring for others and emphasizes the importance of holding both self-care and compassion for others simultaneously and offers practical strategies for setting healthy boundaries and integrating self-care into daily life. Come join Debbie and Jordan to redefine what it means to care! Listen and Learn:  Why balancing care for others and self-care isn’t an either-or and the hidden choices in between When self-care crosses into avoidance or indulgence, it may signal disconnection rather than renewal Finding balance when caring for others overrides your own needs In moments of tragedy, do you become the superhero or collapse from the hurt? The We Care framework to transform self-care and caring for others into one balanced practice in everyday life Transform overwhelming empathy into sustainable compassion that fuels your action and protects your well-being How care-based boundaries protect your energy while deepening connection, not guilt Balancing self-care and caring for the world work together to fuel your resilience and action Resources:  From Self-Care to We-Care: The New Science of Mindful Boundaries and Caring from an Undivided Heart: https://bookshop.org/a/30734/9781645473473 Jordan’s website: https://www.jordanquaglia.com/ Connect with Jordan on LinkedIn and Instagram:  https://www.linkedin.com/in/jordanquaglia  https://www.instagram.com/mindfulboundaries/?hl=en About Jordan Quaglia Jordan Quaglia, PhD, has spent over a decade researching and teaching on topics such as mindfulness, compassion, and boundaries. He is an associate professor of psychology at Naropa University, where he directs the Cognitive and Affective Science Laboratory and is research director for its Center for the Advancement of Contemplative Education. A recognized expert in the science of compassion, he has been designated as a research fellow by the Mind & Life Institute, a Contemplative Social Justice Scholar for Contemplative Mind in Society, and a panelist for multiple United Nations Day of Vesak conferences. In addition to his research, Jordan co-developed and regularly teaches an eight-week compassion training curriculum for hundreds of individuals. He lives with his wife in Boulder, Colorado. Book: From Self-Care to We-Care: The New Science of Mindful Boundaries and Caring from an Undivided Heart Related episodes:  374. Developing and Deepening Connections with Adam Dorsay  360. The Laws of Connection with David Robson  262. Hope and Values in Dark Times 254. Cultivating Compassion for a Lasting Connection with Michaela Thomas 234. The Power of Us with Dominic Packer  201. Fierce Compassion with Kristin Nef 105. The Self-Care Prescription with Robyn Gobin 75. Mindful Self-Compassion with Christopher Germer 65. Self-care, Kindness, and Living Well with Kelly Wilson  46. Altruism and the Flow of Compassion with Yotam Heineberg 32. Social Connection: Exploring Loneliness and Building Intimacy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoicesSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

True strength and success lie in how well we can come together and support one another and how well we can stand side by side to move forward as a collective.  That powerful message comes straight from our guest, Dr. Lakeysha Hallmon, who is the author of No One Is Self-Made: Build Your Village to Flourish in Business and Life, and it perfectly sets the tone for this deeply honest and inspiring conversation with Jill. They talk about why we’re not meant to do life or business solo, the power of building your “village,” and how real success comes from community, not isolation. If you’ve ever wondered who you need in your corner, how to find your purpose, or how to stop carrying the weight alone, this one’s for you. Hit play on this conversation to find out what being “village made” really means and why it just might change the way you show up in the world. Listen and Learn:  Why the "self-made" myth is harmful and how being "village-made" redefines success How neuroscience proves we're wired for community and why it's vital for well-being Why being communal is especially critical for marginalized communities to overcome systemic barriers Are purpose and alignment the driving forces behind building a thriving community? "Life assignments" you can put into practice reveal your true purpose The six essential roles needed to build your "village" and how they contribute to collective success How to attract your "village" by showing up authentically and setting intentions in new spaces The crucial difference between individual and "village-made" values, and how they shape community Key "village-made" values like sharing space with those who shine and radical inclusivity When to keep grinding and when surrendering opens doors you never expected Channelling your anger into action and the "village verbs" that empower community building Resources:  Find Lakeysha and buy her book, No One is Self-Made, at https://drkeyhallmon.com/noism/ or get it at our POTC bookshop: https://bookshop.org/a/30734/9780063315891  Connect with Lakeysha on social media: http://www.linkedin.com/in/lakeysha-hallmon-ed-d-52680215a https://www.instagram.com/drkeyhallmon   Debbie’s article on asking for help: https://psyche.co/guides/how-to-ask-for-help-without-discomfort-or-apology About Lakeysha Hallmon Dr. Lakeysha Hallmon has transformed the lives of thousands of Black entrepreneurs across the world through her flagship brand The Village Market, and sister organizations The Village Retail, a storefront featuring premier Black-owned brands and nonprofit Our Village United, which revitalizes small businesses by providing funding and technical services. Her love of community, paired with her mantra, Support Is a Verb, inspires Black entrepreneurs everywhere and the communities who support them with intention. As an award-winning expert in education and business development, Hallmon’s innovative village model has become highly sought-after and has facilitated 8.3 million dollars in sales to Black businesses. Related Episodes 116. Building a Meaningful, Values-based Life with Jenna LeJeune 138. Exploring Existence and Purpose: Existentialism with Robyn Walser 234. The Power of Us with Dominic Packer 273. A More Just Future with Dolly Chugh 285. What Do You Want Out of Life? Values Fulfillment Theory with Valerie Tiberius 329. The Power of Curiosity with Scott Shigeoka 370. Freedom, Energy, and Power with Emma Seppälä 371. Uniting Toward a Better Future with Diana McLain Smith Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoicesSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

It’s easy to forget how much doing something creative can lift your mood. Whether you're painting, building something, or just doodling for fun, creating is good for your brain and your mental health!  In this conversation, Debbie interviews bestselling author Kelly Corrigan, along with her daughter and coauthor, Claire Corrigan Lichty. They talk about their new children’s book, Marianne the Maker, which highlights how creativity and hands-on making can support well-being for kids and adults alike. Listen in to hear about Kelly and Claire's experience working together as a mother-and-daughter duo, and learn how to incorporate everyday creativity to lift spirits, spark connection, and bond families! Listen and Learn: How can engaging in small creative acts help restore mental clarity and emotional balance during times of stress or uncertainty? Why is creativity not just a luxury but a scientifically backed, essential part of human well-being that can help both children and adults access better mental health? Actively supporting children's creativity by observing their interests and making space at home that reflects and encourages those passions Why is it valuable for families to create a home environment that normalizes creativity and engaged leisure, and how does this foster long-term cognitive and emotional development in kids? The benefits of creative hobbies as a form of active rest highlight their role in reducing mental fatigue, enhancing focus, and providing a healthy escape from cognitive overload How writing, even in imperfect or irregular ways, can serve as a powerful tool for mental clarity and emotional release during stressful times The importance of unstructured time and creative making in fostering self-entertainment, well-being, and resisting cultural pressures to constantly be productive The importance of sharing creative work for values-driven reasons rather than external validation Resources: Kelly’s website: https://www.kellycorrigan.com/  Podcast: Kelly Corrigan Wonders: https://www.kellycorrigan.com/podcast Book: https://www.mariannethemaker.com/ https://bookshop.org/a/30734/9780593206096  Social Media:  Kelly on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/kellycorrigan/  Kelly on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kellycorrigan/  Claire on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/claire.lichty/ Kelly’s TED Talk, To Love Is to Be Brave: https://www.ted.com/talks/kelly_corrigan_to_love_is_to_be_brave  Kelly’s New York Times Op Eds:  https://www.nytimes.com/2021/09/05/opinion/parenting-college-empty-nest-pandemic.html https://www.nytimes.com/2019/08/13/well/family/advice-to-my-college-freshman.html https://www.nytimes.com/2021/11/24/opinion/thanksgiving-family-forgiveness.html https://www.nytimes.com/2019/10/22/well/family/college-applications-parents-children-advice.html Your Brain on Art (book mentioned in this interview):  https://bookshop.org/p/books/your-brain-on-art-how-the-arts-transform-us-susan-magsamen/18580097  If you want to write and could use some writing prompts and guided writing exercises, check out Debbie’s Guided Journaling Substack here: https://guidedjournaling.substack.com/  Debbie’s article on letting kids be bored: https://www.drdebbiesorensen.com/blogposts/2020/5/15/parents-get-ready-for-the-summer-of-boredom Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoicesSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Raising grounded, thoughtful kids in today’s chaotic world is no small task. In this episode, Emily talks with award-winning journalist and author Melinda Wenner Moyer about her new book, Hello, Cruel World: Science-Based Strategies for Raising Terrific Kids in Terrifying Times. Melinda shares practical, research-based tools to help parents guide their children through media influence, bias, and the challenges of social media and technology. It’s a powerful conversation filled with real-world strategies for raising compassionate, critical-thinking kids who can thrive, even when the world feels upside down. Listen and Learn: How can parents raise compassionate, resilient kids when the world feels increasingly chaotic and uncertain? Understanding how bias and polarization form in kids is key to raising thoughtful, inclusive humans Why kids develop biased thinking and how family conversations can counter social media's influence How listening to your kids can reduce extremism, build empathy, and shape a better future Ways to talk with your kid about bias and hate language, even if they don't open up easily The importance of getting your kids to team up with diverse friends on projects to help them see past biases Teaching kids media literacy helps them think critically Research often misrepresents social media harm, but parent-child bonds shape kids’ real tech experience Managing kids’ tech means by balancing connection, autonomy, and open talks, not just strict rules Melinda’s hope for parents embracing open talks and respect, shaping a stronger, kinder generation Resources: Hello Cruel World!: Science-Based Strategies for Raising Terrific Kids in Terrifying Times: https://bookshop.org/a/30734/9780593719367 Melinda’s website: https://www.melindawennermoyer.com/ Melinda’s Substack: https://melindawmoyer.substack.com/  Connect with Melinda on social media:  https://www.instagram.com/melindawmoyer/?hl=en https://www.facebook.com/melindawennermoyer/ https://www.linkedin.com/in/melindawennermoyer  Emily’s Substack article about Netflix’s Adolescence: https://emilyedlynn.substack.com/p/the-two-problems-with-netflixs-adolescence?r=8nx18 About Melinda Wenner Moyer Melinda Wenner Moyer is an award-winning journalist whose work explores the intersection of science and everyday life. She’s known for her deep dives into subjects that have both scientific and societal implications, addressing issues that are relevant to parents, families, and the general public. Melinda is a contributing editor at Scientific American magazine and a regular contributor and former columnist at The New York Times. Her first book, How To Raise Kids Who Aren’t Assholes, was published in July 2021 and won a gold medal in the 2022 Living Now Book Awards. Her second book, Hello Cruel World!: Science-Based Strategies for Raising Terrific Kids in Terrifying Times, will be published on May 27, 2025. She lives in New York's Hudson Valley.  Related Episodes: 390. Raising Empowered Girls in a Sexist World with Jo-Ann Finkelstein 381. Reimagining Boyhood with Ruth Whippman 382. The Anxious Generation? The Conversation We Should Be Having About Kids, Technology, and Mental Health 377. How to Raise a Citizen with Lindsey Cormack 317. Growing Up in Public with Devorah Heitner 256. Social Justice Parenting with Traci Baxley 214. How to Raise Kids Who Aren’t Jerks with Melinda Wenner Moyer 398. Finding Joy in Your Relationship with Money with Elizabeth Husserl Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoicesSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

What if the ability to negotiate with a hostage-taker was also a skill that could improve relationships in everyday life? Gary Noesner, who is a former FBI chief negotiator and author of 'Stalling for Time,' which deep dives into his experiences and the lessons he's learned about human nature and effective communication over his 30-year career, joins Yael for this episode. You’ll hear how patience, empathy, and active listening aren't just crisis tools; they're essential for everyday connection too. Gary also reflects on the evolution of negotiation tactics, the significance of emotional control, and the value of building genuine relationships. Listen and Learn:  How active listening transformed hostage negotiation, from trading demands to truly hearing the pain beneath Why most hostage-takers aren’t criminals but people in crisis, and how listening changes everything How sitting with uncertainty and leading with empathy defuses crises more than force ever could Why slowing down negotiations and investing in human understanding can save lives in high-stakes crises Understanding even the most difficult people can defuse conflict and open the door to real influence The Waco Siege and how it exposed a clash of FBI strategies and what it taught us about negotiation, power, and restraint What strategies do elite negotiators use to maintain composure in high-pressure situations and handle their emotions without assuming undue responsibility? How humility, likability, and relationship-building can defuse conflict at home, work, or in crisis Resources:  Stalling for Time: My Life as an FBI Hostage Negotiator https://garynoesner.com/ Yael’s newsletter post about connecting like a hostage negotiator Kate Murphy’s book with a profile of Gary: Why Won’t You Listen to Me? Jamie Holmes’ book with a profile of Gary: Nonsense Connect with Gary on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/gary-noesner-1a2480b Connect with Gary on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/pages/Stalling-for-Time/148979708465038 Connect with Gary on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/garynoesner/?hl=en About Gary Noesner:  Gary Noesner retired from the FBI in 2003 following a 30-year career as an investigator, instructor, and negotiator. A significant focus of his career was directed toward investigating Middle East hijackings in which American citizens were victimized. In addition, he was an FBI hostage negotiator for 23 years of his career, retiring as the Chief of the FBI’s Crisis Negotiation Unit, Critical Incident Response Group, the first person to hold that position. In that capacity, he was heavily involved in numerous crisis incidents covering prison riots, right-wing militia standoffs, religious zealot sieges, terrorist embassy takeovers, airplane hijackings, and over 120 overseas kidnapping cases involving American citizens. He has written a book about his FBI negotiation career, which was published by Penguin Random House in 2010, entitled Stalling for Time: My Life as an FBI Hostage Negotiator.    The book is being used in part as the basis for a six-part mini-series on Waco that will air on the Paramount Network on January 24, 2018. Related Episodes: 255. Influence is Your Superpower with Zoe Chance 276. Assertive Communication Skills with Randy Paterson 392. Outraged with Kurt Gray 403. Conflict Resilience with Bob Bordone and Joel Salinas Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoicesSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Today’s episode is one you’re really going to want to lean into because Michael is talking all about radical listening with Robert V. Biswas-Diener. If you’ve ever felt like traditional ‘active listening’ just doesn’t cut it, this conversation is going to open your ears and your mind in a whole new way. They chat about key ideas from Robert and his coauthor Christian Van Nieuwerburgh's book, Radical Listening: The Art of True Connection, such as why traditional active listening often falls short and what it means to really show up for someone through listening with intention, how to adapt your listening style depending on the situation, how culture can shape communication, and why staying curious might be one of the most powerful tools in your toolbox. This conversation is for anyone who wants to have deeper, more meaningful conversations with friends, coworkers, or anyone you care about! Listen and Learn: Why does radical listening go beyond traditional active listening, and how does focusing on intention transform the way we pay attention in conversations? How does your listening intention, whether to validate, learn, or fix, shape what specific cues and details you focus on during a conversation? How can well-intentioned behaviors like comparing, competing, or offering advice become obstacles to effective listening and connection? The importance of aligning your listening intention with the speaker's intention to create a true connection in a conversation How you can use internal and external skills, like calming your mind or staying present, to become a better listener Noticing different types of silence to help you understand what's really happening in a conversation Understanding cultural differences, and letting go of the “awkward pause” to help you listen more openly How you can accept someone’s perspective without agreeing with it, and still create a more respectful and open conversation Why the way you ask questions matters, and why you want to ask ones that help the other person open up, not just satisfy your own curiosity How can interjecting, when done thoughtfully, show deep engagement in a conversation without being rude? Resources: Radical Listening: The Art of True Connection: https://bookshop.org/a/30734/9781523007196 Robert's LinkedIn:  https://www.linkedin.com/in/robert-biswas-diener-a860289/ Robert’s websites https://robertdiener.com/ and https://positiveacorn.com/  Christian’s website: https://coachonamotorcycle.com/ Parking Cars in America, 1910-1945: A History https://relationalriffs.substack.com/p/why-listening-is-a-superpower https://hiddenbrain.org/podcast/are-you-listening/ About Robert Biswas-Diener: Dr. Robert Biswas-Diener is a researcher, author, and consultant with 75 peer-reviewed academic articles, and he has over 27,000 citations.  His previous books include The Upside Of Your Dark Side (New York Times bestseller, 2014) and the 2007 prose award winner, Happiness.  He has presented keynotes to Lululemon, Deloitte, Humana, AARP, The World Bank, and others.  In 2024, Thinkers50 named Robert one of the “50 most influential executive coaches in the world”.  He lives in Portland, Oregon, enjoying drawing and rock climbing. Related Episodes: 393. Supercommunicators with Charles Duhigg 353. Ask Great Questions with Jeff Wetzler 360. The Laws of Connection with David Robson 191. Conversations that Connect with AJ Harbinger Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoicesSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.