Psychologists Off the Clock

Think about the times you’ve assumed someone’s behavior revealed exactly what they were thinking. Nicholas Epley, our guest for this episode, explains this as correspondence bias and, through his book Mindwise, teaches us about the concept of correspondence bias and explains how we often believe that a person's actions correspond directly to their mental state. You’ll hear about his research into social cognition and how it reveals that while humans are generally adept at reading others, we frequently overestimate our accuracy. The episode also covers practical experiments on how engaging with strangers can significantly boost our happiness, despite our fears and misconceptions, and the importance of curiosity in overcoming social anxieties and making positive first impressions. Listen and Learn: How our unique “sixth sense” of mind reading, our ability to understand, predict, and connect with others’ invisible thoughts, shapes human connection and survivalWhy our ability to read other people’s minds is far less accurate than we think, and what makes understanding others such a difficult challengeWhy we often overestimate how well we understand those closest to us, and how even long-term partners are not as accurate at reading each other’s thoughts and feelings as they believeWhat drives our brains to form first impressions in an instant, how overconfidence shapes the way we read others, and why moment-to-moment cues like facial expressions play a bigger role in social interactions than we often realize?How can you make a great first impression without overthinking body language or tricks, simply by staying curious and genuinely interested in the person you’re talking to?How correspondence bias makes us assume people’s actions reflect their true thoughts and feelings, why this can lead to misjudgments, and how showing confidence, curiosity, or kindness can positively influence how others respond to youCan striking up a conversation with a stranger boost happiness more than staying to yourself, even though we usually expect the interaction to go badly?Resources: Mindwise: Why We Misunderstand What Others Think, Believe, Feel, and Want: https://bookshop.org/a/30734/9780307743565 Nicholas’ website: https://www.nicholasepley.com/About Nicholas EpleyNicholas Epley is the John Templeton Keller Distinguished Service Professor of Behavior Science and Director of the Center for Decision Research at the University of Chicago Booth School of Business. He studies social cognition—how thinking people think about other thinking people—to understand why smart people so routinely misunderstand each other. He teaches an ethics and well-being course to MBA students called Designing a Good Life. His research has been featured by the New York Times, Wall Street Journal, CNN, Wired, and National Public Radio, among many others, and has been funded by the National Science Foundation and the Templeton Foundation. He has been awarded the 2008 Theoretical Innovation Award from the Society for Personality and Social Psychology, the 2011 Distinguished Scientific Award for Early Career Contribution to Psychology from the American Psychological Association, the 2015 Book Prize for the Promotion of Social and Personality Science, and the 2018 Career Trajectory Award from the Society for Experimental Social Psychology. Epley was named a "professor to watch" by the Financial Times, one of the "World's Best 40 under 40 Business School Professors" by Poets and Quants, and one of the 100 Most Influential in Business Ethics by Ethisphere. He is the author of Mindwise: How We Understand What Others Think, Believe, Feel, and Want, and of a forthcoming book to be published in the fall of 2026 tentatively titled, Dare to connectRelated Episodes413. Validate with Caroline Fleck393. Supercommunicators with Charles Duhigg374. Developing and Deepening Connections with Adam Dorsay360. The Laws of Connection with David Robson329. The Power of Curiosity with Scott ShigeokaSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Sometimes saying “yes” too much can really take a toll on you. In this episode, Jill chats with Dr. Sunita Sah, a bestselling author and Cornell professor, about her book Defy: The Power of No in a World That Demands Yes. They break down how constant compliance can affect your emotions, mind, and body, and share strategies for recognizing when it’s time to push back. Sunita introduces the concept of a ‘Defiance Compass’ to help guide people in acting according to their values. You’ll also learn about the difference between going along with something and truly giving consent, how anxiety can arise in difficult situations, and why practicing small acts of defiance can prepare you for bigger, high-stakes moments. Listen and Learn: How can redefining "defiance" from a negative act of resistance to an alignment with true values help us better understand the balance between compliance, consent, and social pressure?Why is defiance better understood as a staged process on a continuum rather than a simple yes/no choice, and how does recognizing tension help us navigate compliance?Distinguishing between true expert intuition and bias-driven gut feelings when making decisions in uncertain situationsWhy is it so difficult for people to resist compliance and obedience in high-pressure situations, and how can practicing defiance help us prepare to say no and prevent harm?How can we recognize the difference between true consent and mere compliance, and what essential elements are needed to ensure a genuine "yes"?Navigating situations where we technically have the freedom to say no, but psychological pressures like insinuation anxiety or fear of consequences make it difficult to speak upHow do insinuation anxiety and the sales pitch effect interact to increase pressure to comply, even when consent is technically present?Overcoming the tension and fear of non-compliance to act in alignment with our values using tools like the Defiance CompassHow you can practice defiance as a skillResources:Defy: The Power of No in a World That Demands Yes: https://bookshop.org/a/30734/9780593445778Sunita’s Website: https://www.sunitasah.com/Connect with Sunita on Social Media:https://www.instagram.com/drsunitasahhttps://www.linkedin.com/in/drsunitasah/https://www.tiktok.com/@drsunitasah About Sunita SahDr. Sunita Sah is a national bestselling author, an award-winning professor at Cornell University, and an expert in organizational psychology. She leads groundbreaking research on influence, authority, compliance, and defiance. A trained physician, Dr. Sah practiced medicine in the United Kingdom and worked as a management consultant for the pharmaceutical industry. She currently teaches executives, leaders, and students in healthcare and business.Dr. Sah is also a sought-after international speaker and consultant, an advisor to government agencies, and a former Commissioner of the National Commission on Forensic Science. Her multidisciplinary research and analyses have been widely published in leading academic journals and media outlets, including The New York Times, Los Angeles Times, Harvard Business Review, and Scientific American. She lives with her husband and son in New York.Related Episodes:211. Subtract with Leidy Klotz276. Assertive Communication Skills with Randy Paterson305. The Power of Saying No with Vanessa Patrick311. Nobody’s Fool with Daniel Simons and Christopher Chabris394. Sunlight is the Best Disinfectant with Andrea Dunlop and Mike Weber399. Likable Badass with Alison FragaleSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Alissa Jerud, a licensed clinical psychologist and author of Emotion-Savvy Parenting, shares insights on emotional regulation in parenting. She emphasizes balancing firm limits and warmth, while managing both parents' and children's emotions. Jerud introduces practical tools like the CARE model to navigate intense situations and explains the challenges of blending various parenting styles. She also highlights the importance of accepting children's emotions and the benefits of teaching emotional expression to foster healthy connections.

If you’re stuck in an unhealthy relationship and wondering whether it’s right for you or you’re recently facing the pain and confusion of a breakup, we invite you to tune into this episode with John Kim, also known as the Angry Therapist, to explore his viewpoint on relationship endings. John lays out how breakups or ‘relationship expirations’ as he coins them, can serve as powerful catalysts to kickstart your own personal growth, and highlights the importance of self-reflection, healthy boundaries, and meaningful connection with yourself and others. Speaking from his own experiences, as well as insights and stories from his latest book, Breakup on Purpose, you’ll hear why John sees breakups as not just painful endings but meaningful rites of passage that can offer space to learn and evolve. Listen and Learn:Breakups, while painful, can be a powerful catalyst for personal growth when approached with reflection and ownershipShifting how we view breakups from failures to “expired relationships” helps us embrace healing and rewrite the narrative around endingsHow to balance knowing when to work through relationship challenges versus when it’s healthy to walk awayWhy breakups are a natural rite of passage and essential for personal growthWhy humility and self-reflection are essential but often difficult steps toward personal growthHealing from a breakup involves embracing the pain with compassion, finding purpose beyond the relationship, and transforming personal loss into growth and a greater meaningful journeyHow society places too much importance on romantic love as the sole source of meaning and fulfillment and elying on one romantic partner to fulfill all needs is unrealistic and sets people up for disappointmentBreakups have distinctive types that require different responses and healing strategiesHow to balance self-comfort with avoiding behaviors that hinder healing after a breakup by setting personal limits and gradually re-engaging with lifeThe importance of meaningful connection, whether through community, close relationships, or personal passions, as a vital part of recovery, especially for introvertsThe cycle of rupture and repair in relationships is essential, teaching us how to build deeper connection, resilience, and emotional safetyResources:John’s Website: https://www.theangrytherapist.com/John’s Books: Break Up On Purpose: https://bookshop.org/a/30734/9780063275331 Single On Purpose: https://bookshop.org/a/30734/9780062980731 Connect with John on Socials: https://www.facebook.com/john.kim.1650/https://www.linkedin.com/in/theangrytherapisthttps://www.instagram.com/theangrytherapist/Power of Discord by Ed Tronick and Claudia Gold: https://bookshop.org/a/30734/9780316488877 Man’s Search for Meaning by Victor Frankl: https://bookshop.org/a/30734/9780807060100 About John KimJohn Kim, widely known as 'The Angry Therapist.' John is a licensed therapist, engaging speaker, fellow podcaster, and best-selling author whose works include 'It's Not Me, It's You,' 'Single. On Purpose,' and 'I Used to Be a Miserable F*ck.' What makes John's approach unique is how he shares therapeutic wisdom through his blog and Instagram, using authenticity and transparency to connect with and support people on their personal journeys.Related Episodes:117. Bearing Unbearable Loss: A Conversation about Grief with Joanne Cacciatore126. Surviving Break-Ups and Divorce: How to Mend a Broken Heart, with Debbie and Yael186. Set Boundaries Find Peace with Nedra Tawwab249. How to be Single and Happy with Jenny Taitz343. Heartbreak with Florence WilliamsSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Phil Lane, a licensed clinical social worker and author of The Narrative Therapy Workbook for Self-Esteem, dives into the power of storytelling in this insightful discussion. He reveals how the narratives we carry can shape our self-esteem, often leading to unrecognized beliefs that hold us back. Phil introduces techniques like scaffolding and deconstruction to help rewrite personal stories. He emphasizes the importance of shared experiences in healing and how embracing a multi-genre approach can transform perceptions and foster deeper connections.

The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk has become a go-to book for understanding trauma, but not everyone agrees with its approach. In this episode, journalist and author of Acceptance: A Memoir, Emi Nietfeld joins us to talk about The Body Keeps the Score and how it influenced the world of trauma therapy. Bringing both her personal experience and sharp insight to the table, she enlightens us on trauma treatment and why popular narratives around resilience and recovery often miss the mark, especially when they lean more on storytelling than science.We get into where the book falls short, especially around science and why proven methods like CBT and prolonged exposure therapy deserve more attention. Emi also opens up about how those treatments personally changed her life.It’s an honest look at trauma, what really works, and how we can do better, both personally and as a society.Listen and Learn:Why true resilience isn't about toughness alone but about community, care, and real support systemsHow the mental health system often fails kids by ignoring family dysfunction and why real change starts with seeing the full context, not just labeling the childWhy positive thinking isn't enough for trauma recovery and how validating, supportive therapy makes all the difference when you're ready to speak your truthAvoiding trauma memories in therapy can cause more harm and what effective healing requiresHow popular trauma books like “The Body Keeps the Score” can fuel shameChallenging the "addicted to trauma" label and how oversimplified narratives can stigmatize survivors and ignore systemic causes of violenceHow trauma research can be misrepresented, especially about cognitive behavioral therapy’s real effectivenessUsing structured prolonged exposure therapy to help you safely face trauma and build resilienceWriting a memoir can unearth painful truths, but honest storytelling sparks real healing and self-acceptanceWhy popular trauma books feel like belief systems—and why we need solutions beyond therapyResources: Emi’s Book Acceptance: https://bookshop.org/a/30734/9780593489499 Emi’s website https://www.eminietfeld.com/ and her Substack https://eminietfeld.substack.com/ Connect with Emi on LinkedIn https://www.linkedin.com/in/emi-nietfeld/ and Instagram https://www.instagram.com/eminietfeld/ Mother Jones article: https://www.motherjones.com/media/2024/12/trauma-body-keeps-the-score-van-der-kolk-psychology-therapy-ptsd/ Slate article: https://slate.com/technology/2024/08/sexual-assault-treatment-talk-therapy-prolonged-exposure-recovery.htmlArticle mentioned on trauma theory as a belief system: https://beiner.substack.com/p/the-truth-about-trauma-bessel-vanAbout Emi NietfieldEmi Nietfeld is an author, journalist, and speaker. She is the author of Acceptance (Penguin Press ‘22), a memoir of her journey through foster care and homelessness, interrogating the true meanings of resilience, ambition, and success. After graduating from Harvard in 2015, she worked as a software engineer, an experience she wrote about in her viral New York Times essay, “After Working At Google, I’ll Never Let Myself Love a Job Again.”She’s passionate about mental health, helping young people navigate their careers, and the connection between engineering and creativity. A dynamic, sought-after speaker, she can be found on podcasts, leading conference keynotes, and speaking at universities and companies alike.Her essays have appeared in The New York Times, New York Magazine, The Atlantic,  and other publications, been nominated for the Pushcart Prize, noted in The Best American Essays, and taught in classrooms from high schools to MFA programs.Related Episodes: 416. Trauma and PTSD Treatment with Robyn Walser383. What My Bones Know: C-PTSD with Stephanie Foo279. ACT for Healing Black Racial Trauma with Jennifer Shepard Payne 313. ACT-Informed Exposure for Anxiety with Brian Pilecki and Brian Thompson355. What is EMDR with Jamie Marich 77. Acceptance and Commitment Therapy with Jill Stoddard    See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Trauma and PTSD leave a lasting imprint on how we see ourselves and navigate the world, which is why Debbie sits down with returning guest Dr. Robyn Walser for this episode, a clinical psychologist and expert in evidence-based treatment for PTSD, to explore the path to trauma recovery. Robyn unpacks the principles of exposure therapy, the importance of processing traumatic experiences, and insights from her new book, which she co-authored with Darrah Westrup, You Are Not Your Trauma. This conversation offers a deep understanding of PTSD, the wide-ranging effects of trauma, and how healing involves redefining one’s relationship to past events rather than being retraumatized by them. Listen and Learn:Breaking free from trauma’s grip and reconnecting with the deeper, fuller self beyond itWhy understanding the true meaning of trauma matters and how misusing the word can impact healingUnderstanding how trauma, whether single events or complex, can cause avoidance, disrupt life, and impact relationshipsHow trauma’s fear cycle traps you and how changing your relationship to thoughts frees you to live againReclaiming your life by embracing fear and living your values fully through trauma recovery in ACTEmbracing the natural flow of trauma memories helps you process and regain freedomUsing written exposure therapy helps you safely process trauma by revisiting and writing about itHow structured, flexible exposure therapy in Robyn and Darrah’s new book, You Are Not Your Trauma, helps you process trauma and build lasting resilienceResources: Coming Soon—You Are Not Your Trauma: An Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Guide for Healing from Within by Robyn Walser and Darrah Westrup: https://bookshop.org/a/30734/9781462557899Robyn’s Website: https://robynwalser.com/Connect with Robyn on Social Media: https://www.instagram.com/walser.robyn/https://www.facebook.com/theheartofacthttps://www.linkedin.com/in/robynwalser About Robyn D. WalserRobyn D. Walser, Ph.D., is an internationally recognized clinical psychologist, educator, and author. She is the Director of Trauma and Life Consultation and Psychology Services, Assistant Professor at the University of California, Berkeley, and Director of Research at Bay Area Trauma Recovery Clinical Services. Dr. Walser has contributed significantly to the dissemination of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) and holds a pivotal role in implementing ACT in one of the US's largest national healthcare systems. She also works at the National Center for PTSD, where her work focus is on trauma recovery, depression, and moral injury. A writer and scholar, Dr. Walser has co-authored nine influential books on ACT, including the widely respected The Heart of ACT: Developing a Flexible, Process-Based, and Client-Centered Practice Using Acceptance and Commitment Therapy. Her research and clinical expertise have made her a sought-after voice in advancing the application of ACT to address a variety of complex psychological challenges. Since 1997, Dr. Walser has led ACT workshops worldwide, bringing her passion for process-based, experiential learning to therapists and clinicians. Known for her compassionate and client-centered approach, Dr. Walser’s teaching emphasizes the integration of evidence-based practices with human connection and flexibility. Whether through her books, articles, or live training, Dr. Walser continues to influence the evolution of ACT and inspire professionals in their pursuit of effective, transformative therapy. To learn more about her work, visit robynwalser.com.Book: You Are Not Your Trauma: An ACT Guide for Healing from Within by Robyn D. Walser and Darrah WestrupRelated Episodes: 383. What My Bones Know: C-PTSD with Stephanie Foo279. ACT for Healing Black Racial Trauma with Jennifer Shepard Payne 313. ACT-Informed Exposure for Anxiety with Brian Pilecki and Brian Thompson355. What is EMDR with Jamie Marich 77. Acceptance and Commitment Therapy with Jill Stoddard   320. Anger and Forgiveness with Robyn Walser 106. Therapy from “The Heart of ACT” with Robyn Walser98. Narcissism with Avigail Lev and Robyn Walser  49. Empowering Women with Robyn Walser345. Writing for Personal Growth with Maureen Murdock See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

If you've been feeling like alcohol just doesn’t fit your life anymore, this conversation with Casey Davidson, a Life and Sobriety Coach, might really speak to you.  Casey opens up about her personal journey of becoming alcohol-free, talks you through the benefits and challenges of sobriety, and clears up some common myths along the way.You’ll come away with takeaways about the impact alcohol can have on your mental and physical health, how social norms and marketing can negatively influence drinking habits, and why approaching sobriety with curiosity and self-compassion can make all the difference in your journey. We hope the personal stories combined with practical insights in this episode will be an inspiring and relatable resource for anyone exploring a more mindful relationship with alcohol.Listen and Learn: How Casey broke free from nightly wine, ditched mommy wine culture, and found freedomHow high-functioning people can unknowingly rely on alcohol, and what waking up at 3 AM really meansAlcohol disrupts joy, sleep, and mood. See what changes when you give it up for just 30 daysNavigating sobriety without hitting rock bottom, plus mindset shifts, social fears, and partner dynamicsWhy the term "alcoholic" can be misleading, and how redefining sobriety empowers choiceHow non-alcoholic drinks can fit joyful routines without the triggersThe lasting benefits of 30, 60, and 100 days sober, like better sleep, mood, and self-careWhy trying to moderate drinking often traps you in a craving cycle, and quitting frees your mind and sparks new creativityResources: Casey’s website: Hello Someday Coaching - https://hellosomedaycoaching.com/The Hello Someday Podcast For Sober Curious Women - https://hellosomedaycoaching.com/podcast/ Good Morning America asked Casey how I saved $48,000 by not drinking alcohol!: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EyrfQMv5waU&authuser=0Connect with Casey on Social Media:https://www.linkedin.com/in/caseydavidson/https://www.instagram.com/caseymdavidson/https://facebook.com/hellosomedayAbout Casey McGuire Davidson: Casey McGuire Davidson is a Life & Sobriety Coach and the host of the Top 100 Mental Health Podcast, The Hello Someday Podcast for Sober Curious Women. As an ex-red wine girl who spent 20 years climbing the corporate ladder while holding on tightly to her love of wine, Casey’s passionate about helping busy women stop drinking and create lives they love without alcohol. Her work has been featured on Good Morning America, NPR, HuffPost, The New York Times and NBC News.Related Episodes176. Fair Play with Eve Rodsky202. The Addiction Inoculation with Jess Lahey206. Fair Play Part 2 with Eve Rodsky233. Dopamine Nation with Anna Lembke247. Find Your Unicorn Space with Eve Rodsky286. Not Drinking Tonight with Amanda White316. Understanding Addiction with Judith Grisel402. Harm Reduction for Addiction with Kristin DempseySee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Why do so many kids seem unmotivated at school, and what can we do about it? In this episode of Psychologists Off the Clock, we’re taking a look at what’s really going on with student engagement, especially during those tricky adolescent years. Our guests, Rebecca Winthrop and Jenny Anderson, co-authors of The Disengaged Teen, join Emily to break it all down. From the four types of learners—the Passenger, Achiever, Resistor, and Explorer—to how we can help kids tap into curiosity and motivation, this conversation is full of eye-opening insights for both parents and educators. They also unpack the pressures of today’s achievement culture, the influence of tech and AI, and most importantly, how parents and teachers can support teens in becoming more confident, engaged learners.Listen and Learn: Why Rebecca Winthrop and Jenny Anderson wrote a game-changing book to fix the student disengagement crisisWhy only 4% of teens feel truly engaged in school, and what you can do to change thatWhat true engagement looks like in your teen How boosting your child’s engagement in learning can improve grades, motivation, and mental healthWhy the “age of achievement” hoop-jumping is harming your child and how to shift toward true agencyHow your child can shift between four learning modes and how you can help them thriveSpotting if your child’s stuck in “passenger mode” and igniting their true learning sparkHow your neurodivergent or struggling child can unlock support and build resilienceHow your well-meaning expectations might be fueling your child’s harmful perfectionismTurning your child’s “resistor mode” into growth by truly understanding and supporting themWhy your child’s curiosity and choices spark real learning skills that grades and rules can’t teachHow your curiosity and relationship with your child can transform their learning mindsetResources: The Disengaged Teen: Helping Kids Learn Better, Feel Better, and Live Better:https://bookshop.org/a/30734/9780593727072Jenny’s website: https://www.jennywestanderson.org/ Rebecca’s website: https://www.rebeccawinthrop.com/Connect with Rebecca on social media: https://www.instagram.com/drrebeccawinthrop/?hl=enhttps://x.com/rebeccawinthrop?lang=enhttps://www.linkedin.com/in/rebecca-winthrop-b36b0617Connect with Jenny on social media: https://uk.linkedin.com/in/jennyandersonnythttps://x.com/jwestanderson?lang=enhttps://www.instagram.com/jennyandersonwrites/?hl=en About Rebecca Winthrop and Jenny AndersonRebecca Winthrop is a leading global authority on education, the director of the Center for Universal Education at Brookings and an adjunct professor at Georgetown University. She is dedicated to ensuring that every child has the opportunity to thrive in life, work, and as an engaged citizen. She leads cutting-edge research and initiatives aimed at transforming education systems around the world to better support children's learning and development. Rebecca is a trusted advisor to both school communities and national and international organizations. Her expertise is sought by many including parent networks, schools, district education leaders, the White House, the United Nations, and Fortune 500 companies. Rebecca's work is centered on developing and advocating for evidence-based strategies that bring people together—families, educators, policymakers, and companies—to help children maximize their potential. She holds a PhD from Columbia University’s Teachers College, an MA from its School of International and Public Affairs, and a BA from Swarthmore College.Jenny Anderson is an award-winning journalist, author, and speaker with more than 25 years of experience. Her work has appeared in some of the world’s leading publications, including The New York Times, where she was on staff for 10 years, TIME, The Atlantic, the Wall Street Journal and Quartz.Related Episodes:369. Good News About Adolescence with Ellen Galinsky344. Differently Wired Kids with Deborah Reber332. Middle School Superpowers with Phyllis Fagell324. Toxic Achievement Culture with Jennifer Wallace319. Autonomy-Supportive Parenting with Emily Edlynn272. Middle School Matters with Phyllis FagellSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

What’s a skill that can instantly improve your relationships, communication, and even your influence? In this episode, Yael talks with Caroline Fleck, a licensed psychologist and author of Validation, to unpack exactly that. Caroline explains what validation really is, how it’s different from empathy or sympathy, and why it can be so powerful in both personal and professional relationships.  They walk you through how validation first gained traction in therapy, especially in dialectical behavior therapy, and Caroline shares simple techniques like attending, copying, and proposing that anyone can use. You’ll get Caroline’s take on the challenge of validating someone when you strongly disagree, the role of self-disclosure in connection, and how our understanding of emotions has shifted from classic microexpressions to a more nuanced view of emotional experience. If you’re looking for practical ways to build better relationships and truly connect, this episode is full of insight. Listen and Learn:  What is validation? Why feeling truly seen and accepted is the key to deeper trust, love, and real connection in your life How invalidation can be toxic to your relationships and how empathy and validation actually heal them Can validation help you connect with someone even if you don’t agree or relate to their situation? How accepting someone else's view first can actually boost your influence and get you heard more often The simple act of repeating exact words in conflict helps fights cool down and allows real conversations to happen Why messing up shows you’re trying to truly understand, and how that keeps the connection real Why you don’t have to agree with someone’s whole view to validate it; just find the part that makes sense How to be open, but balanced, to create space for real connection and trust to grow Resources:  Validation: How the Skill Set That Revolutionized Psychology Will Transform Your Relationships, Increase Your Influence, and Change Your Life https://bookshop.org/a/30734/9780593541210 Visit Caroline’s website: https://drcarolinefleck.com/ Connect with Caroline on social media:  https://www.linkedin.com/in/carolinefleck/ https://www.instagram.com/carolinefleckphd/ https://www.youtube.com/@Dr.CarolineFleck https://www.tiktok.com/@drcarolinefleck  Boogie Board Tablet on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/stores/page/B551B3AA-1FD5-4BBA-AB25-58D0F67052FE?ingress=0&visitId=8be7808f-e257-437b-b72f-b8e79fd8fca9  Study on empathic effort versus accuracy How Emotions Are Made by Lisa Feldman Barrett The Autistic Brain by Temple Grandin About Caroline Fleck:  Dr. Caroline Fleck is a licensed psychologist, writer, and corporate consultant who has served as a supervisor and consultant for some of the most rigorous training programs in the country, including Dr. Marsha Linehan’s program at the University of Washington, the Department of Psychiatry at Stanford Medical Center, and the VA Palo Alto. She is a respected voice in psychology and has been featured in national media outlets, including The New York Times, Good Morning America, and The Huffington Post. Her new book, which we’re here to discuss, is the first of its kind to make the specialized validation skills therapists master to get through to anyone available to everyone. Related Episodes: Episode 120: Use DBT Skills to Regulate Emotions and Be More Effective in Relationships with Matthew McKay Episode 241. Emotion Coaching Skills for Families with Mindy Solomon Episode 282. Toxic Positivity with Whitney Goodman Episode 397. The Mindful Path to Intimacy with James Cordova Episode 408. Connecting like a Hostage Negotiator with Gary Noesner Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoicesSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.