241. Being Left Out: Navigating that Lifelong Ache
Sep 14, 2023
01:06:45
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The podcast explores the lifelong pain of being left out, discussing the impact, coping mechanisms, and navigating inclusivity. It delves into personal anecdotes, the difference between fitting in and belonging, and the complexities of exclusion in both children and adults. The speakers emphasize communication and empathy, avoiding self-abandonment, and the universal human experiences of inclusion and exclusion.
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Quick takeaways
Feeling left out is a universal human experience that doesn't reflect one's worth or likability.
True belonging comes from accepting and being accepted for one's authentic self.
Processing feelings of being left out can be an opportunity for personal growth and building supportive connections.
Deep dives
The Challenge of Feeling Left Out
Danielle calls in and discusses the difficult feeling of being left out, even as an adult. She shares her experience of feeling excluded by a group of coworkers and expresses her desire for inclusion. The hosts empathize with Danielle and acknowledge the pain of feeling left out, whether as a child or adult. They discuss the common experience of exclusion and offer insights into understanding and navigating this feeling. They emphasize the importance of self-acceptance, finding authentic connections, and exploring other potential avenues for friendship and belonging.
Navigating Left Outedness
The hosts explore the concept of fitting in versus belonging, drawing on Brené Brown's research. They discuss how attempting to fit in can lead to self-abandonment, while true belonging comes from accepting and being accepted for one's authentic self. They highlight the importance of not giving power to those who exclude or reject us, and encourage Danielle to focus on finding connections with people who value and accept her for who she is. They also suggest creating a 'friend tree' to widen her perspective and consider other potential friendships beyond the current group she feels left out from.
The Universality of Feeling Left Out
The hosts acknowledge that feeling left out is a universal human experience that can occur at any age or stage of life. They share personal stories of feeling excluded as adults and offer reassurance to Danielle that she is not alone in her feelings. They emphasize that feeling left out doesn't reflect one's worth or likability, but rather the natural human desire for connection. They encourage Danielle to find her own support system and offer empathy and understanding for her experience.
Processing Left Outedness in a Healthier Way
The hosts discuss strategies for processing feelings of being left out in a healthier way. They recommend reframing the experience as a form of growing pain and an opportunity for personal growth. They suggest reaching out to other potential connections and nurturing existing relationships where Danielle feels valued and accepted. They also emphasize the importance of having supportive friends or family members who can provide empathy and encouragement during times of feeling left out.
Challenges and Lessons Learned
The hosts acknowledge the challenges of feeling left out and the desire to fix or avoid these painful experiences. They encourage listeners to share their own experiences and strategies for handling left outedness in order to learn from one another. They emphasize the complexity of this feeling and highlight that it is natural and human. By sharing experiences and insights, they aim to provide support and understanding for those who have experienced or are currently experiencing feeling left out.