The podcast explores the concept of sturdy parenting, emphasizing the importance of being grounded and clear in challenging moments with children. It discusses the effectiveness of consequences and punishments in parenting and suggests alternative approaches focused on understanding the child's needs. The podcast also covers incorporating coaching skills into parenting and the support available through the Good Inside membership platform.
Sturdy parenting emphasizes being grounded, intentional, and connected to help children navigate emotions without relying on consequences or punishments.
Instead of relying on consequences, parents should focus on helping children develop essential skills and problem-solving abilities to promote positive change and growth.
Deep dives
Parenting with Sturdiness
Parenting is not about being gentle, but about being sturdy. The speaker emphasizes the importance of being grounded, intentional, and connected in parenting moments that require intensity and strength. Sturdiness in parenting means maintaining boundaries, acknowledging others' feelings and experiences, and not being overwhelmed by them. Sturdiness does not require harshness or punishment, but instead clarity, conviction, and confidence. The key is to provide a strong and stable presence for our children, helping them navigate their emotions and challenges without relying on consequences or punishments.
Teaching Skills, Not Imposing Consequences
The speaker challenges the idea that consequences and punishments are effective methods of teaching children. Instead, the focus should be on helping kids develop essential skills. When a child engages in undesirable behavior like name-calling, the speaker suggests addressing underlying emotions and discussing alternative ways to express those emotions. By connecting with our children and supporting their problem-solving abilities, we empower them to navigate challenging situations and learn from them. The goal is to promote positive change and growth, rather than relying on arbitrary consequences that do not teach lasting skills.
Letting Natural Arc of Events Unfold
The speaker advocates for allowing the natural consequences of actions to unfold in order to build resilience and independence in children. Instead of constantly stepping in to prevent negative outcomes, parents are encouraged to let their children experience the results of their own choices. By gradually removing ourselves from the equation and giving kids the opportunity to face the real-life consequences of forgetting things or not following routines, we enable them to develop the planning and problem-solving skills necessary to thrive in the long run. The focus should be on preparing our children for the challenges they will encounter as they grow older, rather than shielding them from every possible negative outcome.
The Good Inside approach to parenting is many things but gentle is not one of them. Good Inside parenting is sturdy. And sturdy parenting does not need consequences or punishments. In this episode, Dr. Becky hears situations from several parents where they aren't sure how to be the sturdy pilots their children need them to be.
Get the Good Inside App by Dr. Becky: https://bit.ly/4doeeE6 Follow Dr. Becky on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/drbeckyatgoodinside Sign up for our weekly email, Good Insider: https://www.goodinside.com/newsletter Order Dr. Becky's book, Good Inside: A Guide to Becoming the Parent You Want to Be, at goodinside.com/book or wherever you order your books. For a full transcript of the episode, go to goodinside.com/podcast To listen to Dr. Becky's TED Talk on repair visit https://www.ted.com/talks/becky_kennedy_the_single_most_important_parenting_strategy
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