Being Well with Forrest Hanson and Dr. Rick Hanson

Dealing with Emotionally Immature People (and Parents) with Dr. Lindsay Gibson

Apr 15, 2024

01:18:11

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Dr. Lindsay Gibson discusses emotional immaturity, its origins in childhood, and its impact on adult relationships. They explore role-self vs. authentic self, setting boundaries, and recognizing emotionally immature individuals. Practical tools for managing relationships and establishing healthy patterns are shared.

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Quick takeaways

Growing up with emotionally immature parents can lead to developing a 'role-self' and adapting behaviors to elicit desired responses in adulthood.

Understanding the difference between role-self behaviors and genuine emotional expression can enhance authentic connections in relationships and promote emotional maturity.

Recognizing and overcoming emotionally enmeshed relationships is essential for regaining connection to one's true self and establishing healthy boundaries for personal growth.

Deep dives

Understanding Emotional Immaturity

Emotional immaturity is a concept related to reacting to life at an emotional level that may not correspond to one's actual age. It involves handling emotional responses as if one is psychologically younger, despite intellectual and social development. This discrepancy can lead to challenges in managing stress, intimate relationships, and emotional reactions. People can exhibit emotionally immature behavior under stress, highlighting the dynamic nature of emotional maturity.

Exploring Emotional Immaturity in Children and the Role of Parenting

02:04

Navigating Emotional Immaturity in Relationships

02:32

Navigating Emotional Dynamics and Childhood Patterns

02:05

Choosing Safety Over Authenticity and Behavioral Patterns

01:06

Introduction

5min

Understanding Emotional Immaturity in Children and its Impact on Parenting

17min

Exploring Childhood Adaptations and Adult Relationships

18min

Skincare, Probiotics, Air Purifiers, and Doctor Booking Recommendations

5min

Navigating Relationships with Emotionally Immature Individuals

24min

Understanding Emotional Immaturity and Its Impact on Relationships

9min

Building Self-Reliance and Self-Efficacy in Relationships

2min

Dr. Lindsay Gibson joins the podcast to share her groundbreaking work on emotional maturity. Forrest and Dr. Gibson explore how growing up with emotionally immature caregivers can affect our adult relationships, and what we can do to recover from these experiences, build healthier patterns, and disentangle from emotionally immature people. They start by discussing what emotional immaturity means, some of its key characteristics, and the consequences of growing up with emotionally immature parents. They then talk about how we can move away from “role-self” and develop a deeper connection with who we really are. You’ll learn practical tools for recognizing emotionally immature people, managing your relationships with them effectively, and establishing healthy boundaries.

About our Guest: Dr. Lindsay Gibson is a clinical psychologist and the author of a number of books including Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents and Disentangling from Emotionally Immature People. Her most recent work is the Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents Guided Journal.

You can watch this episode on YouTube.

Topics:

0:00: Introduction

1:20: What is emotional immaturity?

7:25: Affective realism and involuntary coping mechanisms

14:00: An example of a childhood with emotionally immature caregivers

18:50: The “role-self,” and how children respond to a parent’s lack of empathy

25:15: Receiving guidance from the authentic self

29:25: How the role-self affects relationships in adulthood

41:25: Healthier relationships by connecting with the authentic self

50:10: Letting go of healing fantasies in adult relationships

56:10: Guilt, emotional coercion, fear of loneliness, and finding optimal distance

1:02:55: How to identify with yourself as a secure base

1:06:20: Recap

Offer from Dr. Rick: If you'd like to improve your self-worth, check out Rick's new 4-hour, live online workshop. You'll learn methods and practices that can actually change your brain and your habits, so you start nurturing your sense of worth and belonging. Our listeners can get 20% off with coupon code BeingWell20: https://selfworthworkshop.com/

Forrest is now writing on Substack, check out his work there.

Support the Podcast: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link.

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