Resolving Conflict Using IFS with David Hoffman

In today's episode, I chat with David Hoffman, a lawyer, mediator, and a founding member of Boston Law Collaborative. David was named "Lawyer of the Year" in Boston, and he even teaches at Harvard!

I love how he's using IFS to help people with conflict. We talk about how IFS has shifted his focus from getting people to settle, to helping them make Self-led choices.

We discuss:

• How does a lawyer and mediator bring the language of parts into a legal setting?
• What is the "reasonable reason" behind "unreasonable behavior" in conflict?
• How can we make decisions from a place of "Self-led" wisdom rather than from our "gladiator parts?"
• How can simply naming a part change the dynamic of a conversation? David shares an example of how saying "there's a greedy part" shifted a negotiation for the better.
• How does the IFS model help us understand ambivalence and the "negotiation within" that happens before we even enter a conflict?

"There's something we can do here to enable people to manage their conflicts more successfully and to be less fearful and less hateful in the world." —David Hoffman

I absolutely loved getting to know David and I'm so glad he's bringing the IFS model to a new audience. He's also offering a new six-week IFS training for lawyers and mediators this fall through the IFS Institute with guest appearances by Dick Schwartz, Mke Elkin, and Fatimah Finney.

Episode Sponsor:

This episode is sponsored by the Internal Family Systems institute. Join renowned attorney and mediator David Hoffman for a six-week live workshop starting this October. Explore how the IFS model can support lawyers, mediators, and conflict professionals to lead with more clarity, compassion, and Self — with special guest appearances by Dick Schwartz, Mike Elkin, and Fatimah Finney, this program offers practical tools for navigating client engagement, negotiation, and ethical decision-making. Space is limited and live attendance is required. Learn more and register now at ifs-institute.com.

About David Hoffman

David Hoffman, a mediator, arbitrator, and founding member of Boston Law Collaborative, has been a leading voice in bringing the Internal Family Systems (IFS) model to the legal community since 2010. He holds Level One IFS training and has co-presented with IFS founder Dr. Richard Schwartz. A plenary speaker at the 2022 IFSI Conference, his work has been featured in the Harvard Negotiation Law Review, where he authored a seminal article on "Mediation, Multiple Minds, and Managing the Negotiation Within." In addition to his private practice, he serves as the John H. Watson, Jr. Lecturer on Law at Harvard Law School, where he integrates the IFS model into his courses.

About The One Inside:

Check out The One Inside Substack community to access all episodes, exclusive extended interviews, replays of live events, meditations, and more.

Find The One Inside Self-Led merch at The One Inside store

Watch video clips from select episodes on The One Inside on YouTube

Follow Tammy on Instagram @ifstammy and on Facebook at The One Inside with Tammy Sollenberger.

Jeff Schrum co-produces The One Inside. He's a writer and IFS Level 2 practitioner who helps therapists create with clarity and confidence.

Are you new to IFS or want a simple way to get to know yourself? Tammy's book, "The One Inside: Thirty Days to your Authentic Self" is a PERFECT place to start.

Sign up for Tammy's email list and get a free "Get to know a Should part of you" meditation on her website

Tammy is grateful for Jack Reardon who created music for the podcast.

To learn more about sponsorship opportunties on The One Inside Podcast, email Tammy