The dual control model explains how the brain processes sexual interest, with the sexual accelerator responding to sexy information and the brakes responding to potential threats or reasons not to be turned on.
Shifting the focus away from societal expectations and allowing oneself to explore pleasure in various forms can cultivate a healthier and more authentic relationship with one's own sexuality, promoting self-acceptance and self-discovery.
Deep dives
Understanding the Dual Control Model of Sexual Interest
The podcast introduces the dual control model, which explains how the brain processes sexual interest. The model consists of the sexual accelerator, which responds to sexy information in the environment, and the brakes, which respond to potential threats or reasons not to be turned on. The podcast emphasizes that changes in sexual interest are normal and influenced by the larger context, such as a global pandemic. It suggests that focusing on pleasure in one's life, rather than worrying about sexual interest, is key. The podcast also highlights the importance of recognizing and addressing the factors that hit the brakes, such as daily habits, stress, and external pressures. Overall, it aims to provide a new perspective on sexual interest and promote self-acceptance.
The Impact of Context on Sexual Interest
The podcast emphasizes that shifts in sexual interest are not indicative of personal flaws, but rather a response to changing contexts. It discusses how factors like the pandemic, daily habits, and external pressures can influence one's level of sexual desire. The podcast encourages individuals to assess their current context, identify the aspects they can control, and make changes accordingly. It suggests prioritizing pleasure in daily life, engaging in activities that bring joy, and allowing oneself to explore the many ways to experience pleasure outside of sexual activities. By understanding and adjusting one's context, it becomes possible to create an environment that supports a healthier and more positive sexual experience.
Addressing Guilt and Expectations around Sexual Interest
The podcast challenges the notion that individuals should constantly feel interested in sex, highlighting how societal pressure can negatively impact one's sexual experience. It emphasizes that there is no obligation to be interested in sex at all times and that feeling guilty about a decreased sexual desire can actually hinder arousal. The podcast encourages individuals to grant themselves permission not to be interested in sex for a while and to focus on other sources of pleasure and self-care. By shifting the focus away from expectation and allowing oneself to explore pleasure in various forms, individuals can cultivate a healthier and more authentic relationship with their own sexuality.
Practical Tips for Reconnecting with Sexual Desire
The podcast offers practical tips for individuals looking to reconnect with their sexual desire. It suggests making lists of what activates the sexual accelerator and what hits the brakes, allowing for a deeper understanding of personal triggers and obstacles. It recommends assessing the current context and identifying controllable factors that may be impacting sexual interest. By prioritizing pleasure in daily life, engaging in activities that bring joy, and gradually exploring one's own desires, individuals can create a more pleasurable and fulfilling sexual experience. The podcast reminds listeners that the goal is not always about novelty or orgasm, but rather about spending pleasurable time with one's own body, fostering self-acceptance and self-discovery.
The pandemic is really killing the mood and making it hard to prioritize pleasure. A listener calls in about losing the motivation to have sex, even with herself. To help answer the listener's question, Emily introduces groundbreaking research known as the "dual control model" and offers a simple but radical shift in the way we think about horniness.
If you have a question for Emily, call the Come As You Are hotline at (646) 397-8557 or send a voice memo to emily@pushkin.fm. Tell us your pronouns and pseudonym (pick a name, any name!) Your question might be answered on the show.
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Check out Emily’s free worksheets on her website to start applying the science of the dual control model to your own life.
