Karen Part 2 of 3: How To Establish Limits and Teach Coping Skills

Parenting is a work in progress and the idea that you get to learn as you go is essential.  In today’s episode Karen, who is eager to learn returns for her second session as we unpack the complexities of parent-child relationships of her three children.  Karen is seeking advice on how to raise resilient children, how to set limits when it feels like your daughter’s best friend talks back to adults and when your kids fight in the grocery store. Understanding who your child is and understanding the situation you are dealing with can change your perspective and guide your parenting skills.

Time Stamps

3:10 Helping get kids off technology can range from connecting to your child to changing your expectations.  

4:18 The change in the parents behavior can have a direct impact on what the child does

5:25 Changing your perspective from what the child is doing to you vs what’s happening to the child

7:39 Change takes time - manage your expectations

9:08The difference between authoritative vs authoritarian -  Learning to be comfortable with your authority as a parent 

12:20 Human interaction is complex - assess the contributing factors including your child's vulnerabilities, expectations and beliefs

14:35 Missed opportunities - its like missing a train - there will be another one

16:19 Be “REAL” with your kids 

17:33 Name the elephant in the room - verbalize what’s going on

18:35 Put your foot on the brake - Stop trying to teach/rationalize and put your foot on the validation gas pedal

19:20 Expand your thinking - be more flexible - get rid of stereotypes

20:10 Stop after the validation - don’t talk so much

22:20 Parenting is often counterintuitive

24:24 Practice taking a non-judgmental stance

25:29 DON'T change the limit - Validate and help them express themselves more accurately - with plenty of examples 

28:25 FACE the challenge instead of avoiding the challenge

• Story of community service - giving back to others

31:37 How to raise resilient kids and teach them to cope with life's struggles 

36:40 Reinforcement - acknowledge what they experienced rather than praise

37:28 Coping skills are designed to keep the problem from getting worse (or from escalating) and learning to tolerate the discomfort

• 5,5,5, Skills -5 things you hear, 5 things you see, 5 things you feel

Resources:  

• ACCEPTS Skill in Dialectic Behavior Therapy
• IMPROVE Skill in Dialectic Behavior Therapy
• Self-Soothe Skill in Dialectic Behavior Therapy

Leslie-ism: The road to happiness is knowing how to handle the life’s struggles

For a full transcript of this episode and more information about the host visit https://lesliecoh`podcasts/ . Yo u can also follow Leslie’s work on Facebook,  Instagram, TikTok and YouTube. Join the conversation with your own questions and parenting experiences.

Credits: Is My Child a Monster? is produced by