222. Jia Tolentino: The 1% of Life that Makes It All Worth It
Jun 27, 2023
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Jia Tolentino, author and essayist, joins the show to discuss the importance of accepting all sides of yourself, un-productivity, embracing shame, making real life bigger than internet life, finding energy in motherhood, and stopping late-night scrolling. They also talk about acid trips, shared sorority experiences, and Glennon's mug shot inspiring Jia's next show.
Motherhood is a journey of paradoxes, highlighting the value of unvalued aspects of life.
The speaker strives to balance motherhood with meaningful contributions to the world.
The speaker emphasizes the importance of unvalued time, stillness, and embodiment.
Deep dives
Motherhood and the Paradoxes of Existence
Motherhood is a journey filled with paradoxes - the simultaneous feeling of love and fear, the desire to be present in every moment, and the existential realization that life is fragile. The experience of birth, rather than being defined by love, is often a moment of revelation. Motherhood has led the speaker to question the value of time and productivity, and to embrace the unvalued aspects of life. It has also highlighted the importance of caregiving, a labor that is undervalued but critically important. The speaker strives to balance her role as a mother with her desire to contribute to the world in meaningful ways.
The Changing Relationship with the Internet
The speaker reflects on their evolving relationship with the internet. Initially, they found it exhilarating, a place of connection and freedom. However, as time went on, they began to question the corrosive effects of surveillance capitalism and the commodification of identity. The pandemic further highlighted the importance of physical presence and the limitations of the digital realm. The speaker has made a conscious effort to reduce their online engagement and prioritize real-life experiences. They have discovered that true pleasure and connection often lie outside the confines of the internet.
Exploring the Value of Doing Nothing
The speaker discusses the shifting perspective on the value of doing nothing. In a society that often prioritizes productivity and busyness, the speaker has recognized the importance of unvalued time. They have found that moments of stillness and quiet reflection can be the most valuable and nourishing. The speaker believes in the power of pleasure and embodiment, seeking experiences that bring joy and a sense of transcendence. The act of being fully present and embracing the unvalued aspects of life has become a guiding principle for the speaker.
The Complexity of Writing about Motherhood
Writing about motherhood is a complex endeavor for the speaker. They struggle to find language to fully capture the emotional and existential journey of being a mother. The speaker describes the experience as a mixture of love, revelation, and existential fear. They grapple with feelings of both pride and regret, contemplating the impact of their choices on their child's life and the world at large. The paradoxes of motherhood, the mixture of joy and sorrow, shape the speaker's writing and their exploration of the most precious aspects of life.
The Unvalued yet Essential Role of Caregiving
The speaker reflects on the unvalued nature of caregiving, particularly in relation to motherhood. Caregiving is recognized as a labor that is economically undervalued but universally important. The speaker challenges societal expectations and the focus on productivity by prioritizing caregiving and embracing the value of non-paid work. They contemplate the responsibility and emotional weight of being a caregiver, which extends beyond their own biological child to include a desire to care for others in their community.
Jia Tolentino joins us to discuss how to finally accept all sides of you:
Why your un-productivity matters most;
When your shame is good;
How to make your real life bigger than your internet life;
How to let motherhood energize you instead of drain you; and
How to stop scrolling in the middle of the night.
Plus, we talk acid trips, the sorority rush that Jia and Amanda shared, why Glennon’s friends track Jia’s words – and whether Glennon’s mug shot will inspire Jia’s next show.
About Jia:
Jia Tolentino is a staff writer at The New Yorker, a screenwriter, and the author of the New York Times bestseller Trick Mirror. In 2020, she received a Whiting Award as well as the Jeannette Haien Ballard Prize, and has most recently won a National Magazine Award for three pieces about the repeal of Roe v. Wade. Trick Mirror was a finalist for the National Book Critics Circle’s John Leonard Prize and the PEN Award and was named one of the best books of the year by the New York Public Library, the New York Times Book Review, the Washington Post, NPR, the Chicago Tribune, GQ, and the Paris Review. Jia lives in Brooklyn.