Dr. Reedy discuss a central theme in his book, distinguishing control from levels of structure and strictness. He talks about how controlling parenting is toxic and involves the use of emotional coercion (shame, fear, guilt, debate, lecturing). He talks about how boundaries come from a place of self-care and demonstrate healthy psychological boundaries. He explains that permissive parents tend to be controlling because they use emotions to manipulate children and to ask children to take care of parents' emotions—he explains how this dynamic leads to a lack of a sense of self in the child.
