Sex for Saints Episode 359 - Why "Do You Love Me" Is the Wrong Question
Mar 7, 2025
The discussion challenges the question, 'Do you love me?' and reveals how it creates blame and frustration in relationships. Instead, it encourages asking, 'Am I loving them well?' to shift focus and prevent transactional dynamics. Practical tips include prioritizing your partner's needs and practicing gratitude. The host outlines five steps to improve perspectives and communication. The episode concludes by imagining a relationship built on abundant trust and deeper intimacy as partners learn to love well.
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The Question Misplaces Responsibility
- Asking "Do you love me?" shifts focus onto your spouse and makes them responsible for your feelings.
- That question often masks the real experience: I don't feel loved right now.
Scorekeeping Turns Love Transactional
- Focusing on being loved makes relationships transactional and invites scorekeeping.
- Keeping tally of favors or affection produces resentment and conditional love.
Control The Love You Give
- You cannot control whether your spouse loves you, but you can control how you love them.
- The Biblical command focuses on our action: we are commanded to love others, not demand proof of their love.