Dr Nan Wise: Why Sex Feels Like a Chore and What to do About It

Aug 5, 2025

Ask episode

Chapters

Transcript

Episode notes

You’re not in the mood. You’re not even in the mood for life. The spark is gone, your libido left the chat, and if one more person tells you to “just relax” or “get out of your head,” you might actually scream.

In this episode, I’m joined by the brilliant Dr. Nan Wise, neuroscientist, sex therapist, and author of Why Good Sex Matters, to talk about something no one’s saying out loud: what happens when pleasure disappears. This isn’t just about sex. It’s about the loss of joy, connection, curiosity, and vitality that so many women feel in perimenopause and beyond.

We talk about the real reasons your body shuts down, why pleasure is a biological need, and how stress, trauma, and social media are hijacking your brain chemistry. And, most importantly, we get into what you can actually do about it.

Here’s what we dive into:

What “rage at your partner’s touch” is really telling you
Why pleasure plummets in midlife, and how to bring it back
The difference between feeling blah and actual anhedonia
What “healthy hedonism” means and how to reclaim it
How dopamine, play, and connection shape your mood and sex drive
The orgasm-a-day challenge (yes, it’s a thing)
How your brain is your best pharmacy, and how to activate it
What to do when you feel numb, depleted, and disconnected
Why good sex has nothing to do with performance and everything to do with presence

This episode is about reconnecting with yourself in a world that’s constantly pulling you away. Whether you’re partnered or not, sexual or not, hormonal or not, you deserve to feel alive. And Dr. Nan is here to help you find your way back.

Thank You To Our Sponsor:

Timeline Nutrition: If you’re feeling tired, foggy, or drained during perimenopause, Timeline’s Mitopure Gummies support your energy from the inside out. Powered by clinically proven Urolithin A, they help your cells clean out damaged mitochondria and build new, stronger ones. If you’d like to give it a try, visit timeline.com/drcarrie and get 20% off.

✍️ FREE GUIDES:

Hormones 101 Cheat Sheet: https://drcarriejones.kit.com/hormones101
The Perimenopause & Menopause Labs Test Checklist: https://drcarriejones.kit.com/labtestchecklist
The Symptoms of The Perimenopausal Transition (WTF…) Ebook: https://drcarriejones.kit.com/perimenopausesymptom
Which Stage of Perimenopause Am I In? Ebook: https://drcarriejones.kit.com/stagesofperimenopause

LETS CONNECT:

Dr. Carrie Jones:

Website: www.drcarriejones.com

Newsletter:https://drcarriejones.kit.com/newsletter IG: dr.carriejones

TikTok: @drcarriejones Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@drcarriejones

Guest: Dr. Nan Wise Website: https://askdoctornan.com/

Instagram: @askdoctornan