How Not To Suck At Divorce 182. Surviving Christmas When You Want a Divorce
Why the holidays amplify doubts. What to do instead of panicking.
If you're overwhelmed, exhausted, pretending you’re fine, or Googling “How to pretend I'm not miserable in my marriage and ruin Christmas?” this conversation is exactly what you need.
December hits differently when your marriage feels heavy. In this episode of How Not to Suck at Divorce, Morgan and Andrea break down why the holidays can push you into emotional overdrive and why that does not automatically mean you need to file for divorce today. From understanding the difference between a crisis moment vs. a clarity moment, to learning the now-iconic Pantry Party Plan, this episode gives you practical strategies to stay grounded, calm, and emotionally safe during one of the most triggering months of the year.
You’re Not Weak — You’re Overwhelmed
Andrea and Morgan open the episode with a message so many listeners need to hear:
You’re going to be okay.
Holiday stress isn’t proof that your marriage suddenly collapsed — it’s proof that December is a pressure cooker.
Friends. Traditions. Money. Kids. Expectations. Fake joy.
Your nervous system is maxed out, and that’s normal.
A crisis moment feels like:
- wanting to flee your house
- hiding in the pantry
- crying out of nowhere
- fantasizing about driving away and not coming back
- panic bubbling in your chest
These moments do NOT require divorce decisions.
A clarity moment feels like:
- “Yep… this marriage still doesn’t feel right.”
- annoyance, sadness, or distance
- noticing repeating patterns
- calm recognition of misalignment
Clarity = information
Crisis = not the time to act
This distinction alone saves listeners from major mistakes.
December will give you a moment where you need to step away — mentally or physically.
Andrea introduces the Pantry Party Plan, a simple, strategic grounding tool to stop panic from running the show.
Step 1: Set a timer.
- 3 minutes → small wobble
- 5–7 minutes → medium crisis
- 10 minutes → major meltdown prevention
Step 2: Exhale first.
Panic makes it nearly impossible to breathe in.
So start by pushing out all your air, then allow the inhale.
Step 3: Add your mantra.
Pick something that makes you laugh, relax, or feel powerful.
Andrea’s?
“Bitches ain’t shit.”
Find one that works for YOU.
🧘♀️ Why December Makes Everything Feel Worse
Morgan breaks down the legal + emotional side:
Emotional triggers:
- holiday traditions when you're unhappy
- forced family time
- pretending everything is fine
- loneliness in a room full of people
- constant “countdown” messaging
- financial pressure
Legal triggers:
- you feel like decisions MUST be made now
- you assume you need to file before year-end
- emotions wipe out logic
Reality:
Unless you are in a dangerous or urgent situation, you do NOT need to make major legal moves in December.
🗓 Give Every Big Feeling 24 Hours
December creates urgency — emails scream “LAST DAY!” and everyone feels squeezed.
But Morgan and Andrea give the rule:
WAIT 24 HOURS before acting on heavy emotions.
Your clarity returns when your nervous system stabilizes.
🛑 This is NOT the Time for Legal Lists
Unlike many episodes, this is NOT when you:
- list marital issues
- write notes for your attorney
- plan financial strategy
- make decisions about filing
This is the month of survival, not productivity.
Your only job: protect your head and heart.
🎁 Why Gift-Giving Can Actually Be Healing
Andrea shares how crafting a thoughtful teacher gift became an unexpected source of joy when nothing else felt good.
For some people, creating something for someone else can momentarily relieve the emotional load.
For others?
Like Morgan?
It’s stress-inducing.
Pick the lane that helps YOU.
📺 What to Watch When Holiday Movies Make You Cry
Avoid the emotional Hallmark specials.
Andrea recommends lighter options — like Nailed It — to give your brain a break from holiday perfection and family-togetherness fantasy scenes.
👥 You’re Not Alone — Join the HNTSAD Private Community
If you're feeling isolated, the private community offers:
- anonymity
- support from people who get it
- guidance from Morgan and Andrea
- a place to ask real questions
Plus: more tools on the website, including the Divorce Crash Course and other guides.
Our Divorce Crash Course was designed to hold your hand through the process and help you avoid major and expensive mistakes. Learn more here: https://www.hownottosuckatdivorce.com/divorce-crash-course
Our Family Wizard is another fantasitc resource for those who need help navigating the "fun" world of coparenting. Head to this landing page to see how we work closely with them to support our listeners! http://www.ourfamilywizard.com/notsuck
Friends, slide into our dms, we love love love hearing from you. We are always here to listen and help in any way we can. You've got this and we've got you.
Instagram: @hownotosuckatdivorce
Follow Andrea: @theandrearappaport
Follow Morgan: @divorceattorneychicago