The Modern Therapist's Survival Guide with Curt Widhalm and Katie Vernoy How Therapists Can Really Help Kids Who Are Being Bullied
How Therapists Can Really Help Kids Who Are Being Bullied
Curt and Katie chat about how therapists can support the targets of bullying. We explore what bullying actually is as well as what can be problematic in how it is typically addressed. We also discuss individual therapy strategies for kids who have been bullied. Curt and Katie also debate about whether the targets of bullying should change what makes them different to avoid getting bullied.
Transcripts for this episode will be available at mtsgpodcast.com!
In this podcast episode we talk about how therapists can effectively treat bullying in therapy
For Bullying Prevention month, we decided to dig into what bullying actually is and how therapists can treat bullying in therapy.
What is bullying actually?
- The definition of bullying and how it is described currently (i.e., teasing versus bullying)
- Target and aggressor (versus victim and bully) as more appropriate language to describe participants
- Three essential elements of bullying: ongoing behavior, behavior is intended to be harmful, and there is a power differential between the aggressor and the target
- The relevance of impact versus intention of behavior
- Numerous types of power imbalances that can be present
- Types: physical, verbal, social or covert, cyber bullying
What is problematic in how bullying is typically addressed?
“Aggressors have a more robust set of social skills. And it's being able to adapt more quickly to things that are socially changing, even in the moment. This also plays a role in the reporting on the people teasing them because the more socially adept kids are then better able to convince the adults around them. Oh, no, we were just playing. We were teasing back and forth.” – Curt Widhalm, LMFT
- Most bullying is not observed by adults
- Not moving past holding space
- Looking toward community interventions rather than individual
- Lack of understanding of what cyber bullying actually looks like (when you haven’t grown up as a digital native)
- Aggressors have a more robust set of social skills
Strategies for kids who have been bullied
“I think we also need to recognize that if we go too far in telling people not to be different, we are invalidating their identity. And if we don't go far enough, and we don't help them to be part of society, they may continue to get really harshly bullied, but either one is damaging.” – Katie Vernoy, LMFT
- Beyond ignoring (especially if there is an audience)
- Understanding what the target’s response means to the aggressor
- Not playing into what the aggressor is doing, escalating to forceful “stop,” seeking out a trusted adult (or multiple adults)
- Debate on whether a target should shift their behavior and change what makes them different
- Building confidence versus masking
- Safety now versus identity development
- Practicing responses to potential bullying statements in session
- Including targets in the planning process with adults
- The challenges with mediation within school settings (and the importance of follow up)
- Systemic or prevention programs that also address bystanders
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Resources for Modern Therapists mentioned in this Podcast Episode:
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Article: The 411 on Bullying
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Modern Therapist’s Survival Guide Creative Credits:
Voice Over by DW McCann https://www.facebook.com/McCannDW/
Music by Crystal Grooms Mangano https://groomsymusic.com/