Java with Juli - Making Sense of God and Sex

The Love Language that Matters Most with Dr. Gary Chapman, #592

25 snips
Jan 5, 2026
Dr. Gary Chapman, a renowned pastor and author of The Five Love Languages, joins the conversation to delve deeper into how understanding love languages can still leave us feeling disconnected. He shares a personal story highlighting the miscommunication that arises when partners need different types of love. Chapman emphasizes the importance of learning and adapting to one another's languages, discusses the metaphor of the 'love tank,' and underscores the need for deep listening in relationships. He also reflects on sustaining curiosity in long-term marriage.
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INSIGHT

Love Languages Are Distinct Needs

  • People feel loved in different ways, so what makes one person feel loved won't necessarily work for another.
  • Learning and speaking another person's love language meets their core emotional need to feel loved.
ANECDOTE

Words Of Love vs. Acts Of Service

  • Early in Gary Chapman's marriage he repeatedly said "I love you" but didn't help with chores.
  • His wife revealed her love language was acts of service when she asked, "If you love me, why don't you help me?"
ADVICE

Don't Use 'That's Just Me' As An Excuse

  • Don't refuse to learn a partner's love language by claiming "that's just how I am."
  • Choose the attitude of love and be willing to change behaviors to meet your spouse's needs.
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