S18, Ep8 Dawn French on fertility, friendship and being an anti-perfectionist
Oct 20, 2023
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Dawn French, actor, comedian, and bestselling author, joins Elizabeth Day to discuss anti-perfectionism, friendship, grief after her father's suicide, infertility, and the decision to adopt her daughter. They also touch on the influence of military families on comedians and the empowerment of owning and embracing mistakes.
Embrace failure as a learning experience, finding growth and joy in the process of improving.
Reclaim power and embrace self-deprecating humor to liberate oneself from shame and the pressure to be perfect.
Value authenticity, set boundaries, and prioritize self-acceptance over external approval or criticism.
Deep dives
Embracing Failure and Learning from Mistakes
Dawn French discusses the importance of embracing failure and learning from mistakes. She believes that owning mistakes and wearing them as badges of honor liberates us from the shame associated with failure. French emphasizes the valuable lessons learned from failures, highlighting that success does not always offer the same opportunities for growth. By reframing failure as a learning experience, she encourages people to embrace their mistakes and find joy in the process of growing and improving.
Reclaiming Power Through Self-Deprecation
French talks about adopting an 'anti-perfection' mindset, reclaiming power by embracing self-deprecating humor. She believes that by owning and mocking our mistakes, we can liberate ourselves from shame and the pressure to be perfect. French discusses how her book 'The Twat Files' and her use of the word 'twat' in the title is her way of reclaiming power and admonishing herself without denigrating herself. She explains that by owning the word, she removes its negative connotations and finds a sense of empowerment and self-acceptance.
Authenticity, Boundaries, and Self-Worth
French emphasizes the importance of authenticity and being true to oneself. She discusses the need to set boundaries and not rely on the approval of others for one's self-worth. French emphasizes the importance of knowing oneself and valuing one's own love and self-acceptance. She encourages robust debate, embracing the edges of one's thoughts, and standing up for one's opinions in a time of cancel culture. French believes in embracing who we are and not giving too much power to external approval or criticism.
Dealing with Grief and Loss
French reflects on the grief she experienced after her father's suicide and how she has processed and dealt with it over time. She shares how understanding her father's mental health struggles has allowed her to forgive and find peace. French acknowledges the complex emotions that come with grief, the mixture of love, pride, and pain in remembering her father. She also discusses finding love and support in her chosen family and friends, emphasizing the importance of knowing one's own self-worth and not solely relying on the approval of others.
The Journey of Infertility and Adoption
French opens up about her journey with infertility and the decision to pursue adoption. She discusses the challenges and emotional toll of undergoing IVF treatment and the accompanying pressures and insensitivity from others. French highlights the importance of going through the grief and closure process before embarking on the adoption journey. She shares the transformative experience of adopting her daughter Billy, emphasizing the joy and fulfillment it brought to her life. French encourages discussion and destigmatization around infertility and adoption, aiming to provide hope and support to others going through similar experiences.
I know, I know, we don't normally release episodes on a Friday but when you're offered DAWN FRENCH, you release an episode on whatever blimmin' day of the week you can (and preferably all seven of them).
I am so delighted to welcome the actor, comedian and bestselling author Dawn French to the podcast. She joins me to talk about being - in her words - 'a bit of a twat', anti-perfectionism, why so many comedians come from military families, how friendship doesn't mean you don't feel jealous and, of course, her lifelong professional and platonic partnership with Jennifer Sauders.
We also talk about the death of her father by suicide and what this taught Dawn about grief and survival. And she opens up movingly about years of infertility followed by the decision to adopt her daughter, Billie.
An amazing conversation with an amazing person. Thank you so much, Dawn.
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The Twat Files by Dawn French is out now and available to buy here.
Dawn French Is A Huge Twat (the live show) is touring the UK through the rest of the year. Book your tickets here.