How to Set Boundaries with Emotionally Immature People - The CLEAR Method w/ Jess Miller

Jun 17, 2025

In this engaging conversation, Jess Miller, a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and the creator of Mind Your Boundaries, discusses setting limits with emotionally immature people. She introduces her CLEAR method, a practical approach to communicating boundaries effectively. Jess shares personal experiences, including her own family estrangement, highlighting how early experiences shape emotional behaviors. The duo also explores how empathy and understanding can lead to healthier relationships, offering actionable tips for managing difficult family dynamics.

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INSIGHT

Traits of Emotionally Immature People

Emotionally immature people take reasonable boundaries as personal attacks and react defensively.
They exhibit hypersensitivity, blame-shifting, and inability to take accountability.

INSIGHT

Emotional Capacity Like Toddlers

Emotionally immature adults often have emotional capacities similar to toddlers.
They lack insight and the ability to understand others' feelings or be empathic.

ANECDOTE

Toxic Positivity in Family

Emma shares her experience with a family member using toxic positivity, lacking empathy skills.
She realized the person merely lacked emotional awareness rather than being mean-spirited.

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Jess's Free download- The CLEAR Method for setting boundaries with Emotionally Immature People

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Check out Jess's Book: Managing Overwhelming Parents & In-laws (Without Feeling Like The Bad Guy) https://bit.ly/MyBoundaryGuide

In this episode, we discuss setting boundaries with emotionally immature people, who often react defensively to reasonable requests. Joined by Jess Miller, a licensed marriage and family therapist and creator of Mind Your Boundaries, we explore common patterns of behavior among emotionally immature individuals and how to manage interactions with them. Jess shares her CLEAR method (Communicate value, Limit or boundary, Explain benefit, Assurance, Repeat boundary) for effectively setting boundaries. We also dive into personal examples, including Jess’s own experience with family estrangement, and how understanding emotional limitations can help in maintaining healthier relationships. Tune in to learn actionable techniques for managing difficult family dynamics and fostering emotional growth.

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Therapy in a Nutshell and the information provided by Emma McAdam are solely intended for informational and entertainment purposes and are not a substitute for advice, diagnosis, or treatment regarding medical or mental health conditions. Although Emma McAdam is a licensed marriage and family therapist, the views expressed on this site or any related content should not be taken for medical or psychiatric advice. Always consult your physician before making any decisions related to your physical or mental health. In therapy I use a combination of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, Systems Theory, positive psychology, and a bio-psycho-social approach to treating mental illness and other challenges we all face in life. The ideas from my videos are frequently adapted from multiple sources. Many of them come from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, especially the work of Steven Hayes, Jason Luoma, and Russ Harris. The sections on stress and the mind-body connection derive from the work of Stephen Porges (the Polyvagal theory), Peter Levine (Somatic Experiencing) Francine Shapiro (EMDR), and Bessel Van Der Kolk. I also rely heavily on the work of the Arbinger Institute for my overall understanding of our ability to choose our life's direction.

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