Synergistic Stepparenting Podcast #4: #1 Cause of Disconnect in Your Stepparenting
Hello stepparents! In this episode I’ll be delving into a topic that I’ve found to be the cornerstone of most things in life. I call it showing up. Find the FULL show notes for this episode at synergisticstepparenting.com/4.
Have you ever felt like you can’t seem to say or do the right thing?
Like everything you say is causing more conflict and aggravation?
Maybe it seems like there’s a disconnect with your spouse, your stepchild, or with members of your blended family. When this happens it feels so frustrating, painful, and isolating.
Well, it maybe that you’re not showing up.
I know what you’re thinking … GASP. How dare you?
But, before you shut off your radio, computer, iPhone or whatever device you’re listening on – please, let me explain …
For a long time, I thought showing up meant just that - physically getting myself somewhere.
I’m sure many of you have probably heard of showing up. You might have heard the famous quote by Woody Allen who said, “Eighty percent of success is showing up.” Or perhaps have seen other iterations of it, such as “Showing up is half the battle.”
But after years of trying that, I noticed that my results weren’t good. As if something was missing. Even though I was physically present, things weren’t quite landing in conversations and the meaningful connections I craved weren’t being made.
My desire to understand and figure it out swelled. I built more awareness of these instances and reflected on my actions and outcomes. And a light bulb went off ...
Though I was physically present, I wasn’t actually showing up. Not the way I wanted to.
I wasn’t showing up by bringing ALL of me to the table.
I began to deepen my knowledge and understanding of this concept. I discovered that everything in our world is energy, including you and me. And I believe that energy is really powerful when it’s activated and directed towards a specific purpose and goal.
When you intentionally concentrate your energy towards something, whether wanted or unwanted, it influences the results you achieve.
So, when I was struggling to communicate a proposed solution for a new project at work or helping my stepdaughter problem-solve an issue with a friend, the reason I was having a hard time was because I wasn’t fully engaged in the experience … I’m talking mind, body and soul.
Typically, I tend to be a very passionate person. People have often told me how magnetic I am when I’m in my element and speaking about a topic that is close to my heart. My energy has even been described as contagious.
But I’ll admit, I have trouble conjuring up that much fervor for topics I’m not as devoted to. Such as, offensive foot odor and fashion tips on braiding back-hair.
And when you’re not completely engaged are the times you tend to go into autopilot – which your brain is naturally wired to do.
What does it take to fully show up?
I learned that there are 2 major factors …
First … approaching every opportunity with curiosity. Prioritize the goal of understanding. Whether it’s understanding the other person more or understanding where your own feelings about the situation are coming from.
Second … responding from the heart with your entire being to the whole situation. This requires vulnerability and a willingness to be open.
It’s not surprising that you don’t often show up this way because it requires more of your already taxed energy. Especially so at the beginning, when you’re starting to train yourself to do things in a new way.
For the rest of the show notes go here.
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