032: Why Narcissism In The Church Is So Dangerous (with Chelsey Brooke Cole)

What does Narcissism look like when it puts on church clothes?! Narcissism and its effects are common in churches today, but the church is often the last place we would expect to find narcissistic people and behaviors.

Unfortunately, many modern church systems actually attract narcissistic leaders. But what does narcissism look like when it's in a church? How can we recognize spiritual narcissists and narcissistic systems? And when you recognize it, what should you do? We are joined in this episode of the Church Disrupted Podcast by Chelsey Brooke Cole, best-selling author of the book "If I'd Only Known" and narcissism expert. She and Jeff tackle these questions and more as they take a deep look at narcissism in churches and the devastating effects it can have on people. Connect with Chelsey and learn more about her work here! - https://www.instagram.com/chelseybrookecole/?hl=en - https://www.chelseybrookecole.com/ Get Chelsey's book here: https://rb.gy/4bhk89 Check Out the Recent USA TODAY article Chelsey Contributed to here: https://www.usatoday.com/story/life/health-wellness/2024/03/21/spiritual-narcissism-narcissists-at-church-yoga-class/73047346007/ THANK YOU to our podcast partner, the East TN Mentorship Association! Find out more information about what they do or connect with them at https://earnyoursanctuary.com/ . TELL THEM WE SENT YOU for a special rate that is ONLY for Church Disrupted Podcast listeners. Find out MORE about our podcast partners here: https://www.disrupted.church/sponsors. Want to support Church Disrupted financially? https://www.disrupted.church/give Find out more about the Church Disrupted Podcast at https://www.disrupted.church/. Please Subscribe and Share! TIMESTAMPS: 00:00 Introduction and Background 01:24 Defining Narcissism and NPD 11:24 Narcissism in Spiritual Environments 16:28 Can Systems be Narcissistic? 25:36 Blame Shifting and Villainizing 28:49 Reframing the Problem 30:01 Narcissistic Systems in Church 32:20 Twisting Scripture 33:13 Exploiting Tithing 34:12 Disagreement in Narcissistic Systems 35:03 Understanding Healthy Relationships 37:11 Making Church Trauma-Informed 38:13 Accountability in Narcissistic Systems 39:12 Moving On Without Accountability 40:08 Making Church Safe for Victims 41:08 Supporting the Abuser vs. the Victim 43:10 Restoring Pastors and Accountability 45:07 Expecting Reality, Not Assuming the Worst 46:17 Narcissists' Manipulation Tactics 48:16 Restoration and Accountability 49:05 Manipulating the Perception of Change 50:15 Expecting Accountability, Not Assuming the Worst 53:17 Toxic People and Healthy Boundaries 59:23 Narcissists' Reaction to Boundaries 01:00:37 Importance of Boundaries and Self-Care 01:01:06 The Importance of Setting Boundaries 01:02:03 The Charismatic Nature of Narcissists 01:03:00 Gaslighting and the Desire for Control 01:04:20 The Manipulation of Loyalty 01:06:46 Protecting Yourself Against Narcissism 01:07:18 Overcoming Guilt and Shame 01:08:30 The Importance of Documentation 01:14:39 Feeling and Processing Pain 01:24:30 Untangling the Narcissist's Voice