Why Do So Many Men Suffer in Silence? w/ Dr Ryan McKelley

Ryan McKelley is a professor at the University of Wisconsin-La Crosse. He is at the forefront of men's mental health research and education. McKelley's expertise in clinical psychology, adds valuable insights to discussions on masculinity. His coaching focuses on men's emotional well-being. In this episode of the Men's Therapy podcast, host Marc Azoulay explores McKelley's journey. He shares McKelley's insights on modern masculinity. 

McKelley's personal story highlights the challenges many men encounter with masculinity. His experience reflects the complexities of these struggles. As he grew up, he experienced both traditionally masculine and feminine activities. Despite this, he felt pressure to conform to certain ideals. The expectations around him shaped his view of masculinity. He focuses on internal gender roles. Ryan says, "I was an athlete, but I wasn't in like the team baseball or football or basketball," he shares. "I think I was always even aware that those weren't even kind of as masculine sports go."

McKelley became aware of gender expectations early in life. His struggles with depression deepened this awareness. These experiences motivated him to research men's mental health. "I suffered a pretty significant depressive episode in seventh grade," he reveals, "and probably about every 10 years... I would have benefited from seeking help."

Unpacking Male Depression

McKelley's research shows how men experience and express emotional distress. His work emphasizes the distinct challenges men face in dealing with their emotions. He explains, "Girls and women are socialized to internalize their mood symptoms... Men tend to externalize." This externalization can manifest as:

1. Distraction through video games or overworking
2. Substance use
3. Irritability and anger
4. Denial of emotional struggles

"Nobody knew I was depressed," McKelley admits, reflecting on his own experiences. "I was a master at hiding it." This ability to mask depression is common among men. It often leads to a buildup of emotional distress that can have serious consequences.

Challenges of Male Vulnerability

McKelley focuses on the challenge many men have in showing vulnerability. He introduces the concept of the "male emotional funnel." He explains that societal expectations limit the emotions men feel comfortable expressing.

"We all come to the world with a full range of human emotions," McKelley states. "And then through adolescent development, it's like a funnel at the end. There's only like a couple that we, society let them have."

This restriction of emotional expression can lead to what McKelley calls "mask depression." Men become adept at hiding their emotional struggles, often at great personal cost.

Redefining Masculinity

McKelley advocates for a more flexible, or "malleable," approach to masculinity. He explains, "Masculinity has just gone in all these different directions... it changes based on all these different levers." This understanding allows for a more nuanced and compassionate view of men's experiences.

He emphasizes the importance of teaching men mindfulness and self-compassion. He says, "Being able to experience physical sensations, thoughts, emotions, and then even our physical surroundings non-judgmentally and with curiosity." This approach can help men develop greater emotional intelligence and resilience.

The Way Forward

McKelley emphasizes the importance of a more compassionate approach to men's mental health. He argues that viewing emotional growth as bravery, not weakness, can encourage more men to improve themselves.

"We need to figure out ways to develop that," he says. He refers to compassion and empathy for men's experiences. He advocates for teaching men self-compassion. This involves showing them how to apply self-kindness. And a sense of common humanity to themselves. "By doing this, men can better practice self-compassion," highlights McKelley.

Conclusion

Ryan McKelley's insights provide a guide for understanding the unique challenges men face today. His work helps address these issues. He promotes a flexible view of masculinity. He emphasizes emotional intelligence can improve men's mental health. Emphasizing self-compassion is also crucial. Together, these approaches create a healthier, more supportive environment for men's personal growth.

About Ryan McKelley

Dr. Ryan McKelley is a professor at the University of Wisconsin-La Crosse. He specializes in men's mental health and masculinity studies. He has a PhD in clinical and counselling psychology. Dr. McKelley has dedicated his career to understanding the challenges faced by men. His coaching and research focus on male depression. He guides on resistance to help-seeking behaviours. He emphasizes the development of more flexible approaches to masculinity.

Besides his academic work, Dr. McKelley is an accomplished speaker and educator. He has delivered a TED talk on men and masculinities. He also works in the corporate sector. He has collaborated with major companies like Google and Walmart through Lyra Health. He aimed to improve workplace mental health initiatives. Dr. McKelley uses a multifaceted approach to men's mental health. He combines academic research, clinical practice, and corporate consulting. This blend of methods establishes him as a leading expert in masculinity studies. His work focuses on men's emotional well-being.

Resources Mentioned

1. Helping Boys Become Connected Men -Ted Talk by Ryan McKelley
2. University of Wisconsin-La Crosse - where Ryan teaches
3. "The Masculine Self" by Chris Kilmartin and Andrew Smiler - Ryan uses in his courses
4. Ryan's website
5. Ryan's LinkedIn

Connect with Ryan On:

Website

LinkedIn