Something Positive for Positive People SPFPP 363: Transcending the Relationship Spectrum into Softness
In this episode of Something Positive for Positive People, I sit down with Holly Estrada, a sex worker and advocate for destigmatization, to explore her journey through relationships and personal growth. Holly shares how she transitioned from polyamory to emotional monogamy, tackled the stigma surrounding herpes in the sex work industry, and learned to embrace true vulnerability in her life.
We dive deep into what it means to create supportive relationships, navigate autonomy and boundaries, and grow from past experiences. Whether you're curious about non-monogamy, emotional availability, or the intersection of sex work and intimacy, this conversation offers powerful insights and relatable stories.
Quotes: QuotesOn Vulnerability and Emotional Availability
"I’m very scared of actual vulnerability and showing people what really affects me. So, I pick things that affect other people and mask them as vulnerability." – Holly Estrada
"I used herpes as an example of vulnerability because it’s what people see as a vulnerable thing, but the things I don’t talk about are where I’m really vulnerable." – Courtney Brame
"True vulnerability comes from asking for what I need and verbalizing my feelings, not just performing openness." – Courtney Brame
"Non-monogamy taught me communication and autonomy, but transitioning to emotional monogamy has given me a deeper sense of peace and fulfillment." – Holly Estrada
"In non-monogamy, I felt like I was holding onto multiple relationships by a thread, never fully present. But investing in one has made everything—especially the sex—better." – Courtney Brame
"You have to take the best of both monogamy and non-monogamy to co-create a relationship that aligns with your values." – Holly Estrada
"One of my boundaries was having full autonomy over my work and time. If someone can’t respect that, it’s not a relationship I can stay in." – Holly Estrada
"Being in a controlling relationship taught me that when someone resists your boundaries, they’re showing you they don’t respect your autonomy." – Holly Estrada
"Abusers often steer you away from people who would call them out or show you that their behavior isn’t okay. Maintaining a support system is vital." – Holly Estrada
"In the sex work industry, herpes isn’t stigmatized the same way. It’s seen as something that either you have or you might get—there’s no shame attached." – Holly Estrada
"Most people in the industry assume everyone has herpes and is managing it with antivirals, so it’s not treated as a big deal." – Holly Estrada
The difference between performative vulnerability and authentic emotional availability.
How romantic relationships can challenge us to grow emotionally by forcing us to confront our real needs and fears.
The role of self-awareness in creating deeper connections and understanding patterns from past relationships.
Holly’s transition from polyamory to emotional monogamy and how it reshaped her perspective on fulfillment and intimacy.
The pros and cons of both relationship structures and how they can teach communication, trust, and autonomy.
Courtney’s reflections on how non-monogamy helped him identify and choose what truly matters in a relationship.
The importance of setting clear boundaries and recognizing when they aren’t respected.
How abusers manipulate control by isolating their partners from supportive communities.
Steps to leave a controlling or abusive relationship and how friends and support systems can help.
The normalization of herpes in the sex work industry and how that mindset reduces stigma.
Why open conversations about testing and disclosure are key to reducing fear around herpes.
The lack of testing for herpes in standard STI panels and what that means for awareness.
How past relationships (including marriage or polyamory) can shape your understanding of what you need and want.
The significance of integrating lessons from different relationship styles into your current dynamics.