The Stories We Tell Ourselves: How Meaning, Shame, and Assumptions Shape Our Relationships (Episode #97)

The Stories We Tell Ourselves: How Meaning, Shame, and Assumptions Shape Our Relationships Summary

In this episode of the Human Intimacy Podcast, Dr. Kevin Skinner and licensed clinical social worker Marianne Michaelis explore the powerful—and often invisible—stories we tell ourselves about who we are and how others see us. Even when people share the same experience, their interpretations can be radically different, shaped by past wounds, shame, fear, and unmet needs.

Through clinical examples, personal stories, and everyday moments of misunderstanding, they unpack how the brain naturally fills in gaps to create meaning—and how those meanings can quietly dictate our emotions, reactions, and relationships. The conversation highlights common shame-based narratives such as “I’m too much,” “I’m not enough,”or “I don’t matter,” and how these stories become internalized as truth over time.

Dr. Skinner and Marianne emphasize the importance of awareness, fact-checking, emotional ownership, and curiosity—both toward ourselves and others. Healing begins when we slow down, speak our stories in safe places, challenge old assumptions, and allow compassion to replace judgment. The episode closes with an invitation to approach others—and ourselves—with deeper curiosity, asking not “What’s wrong?” but “What’s the story?”

Resources & References

• Skinner, K. – Treating Trauma from Sexual Betrayal

• Tutu, D. & Tutu, M. – The Book of Forgiveness

• Brown, B. – I Thought It Was Just Me (But It Isn’t)

• Siegel, D. – Mindsight

• Human Intimacy Podcast – Episode on Emotional Ownership

• Journaling as a tool for emotional processing and self-reflection

• Concepts referenced:

  • Shame narratives

  • Emotional ownership

  • Fact-checking internal stories

  • Fight-or-flight responses and meaning-making

  • Compassion vs. judgment

• The Human Intimacy 2nd Annual Conference (discount 50% off Coupon Code = 50off