The Human Intimacy Podcast

The Stories We Tell Ourselves: How Meaning, Shame, and Assumptions Shape Our Relationships Summary In this episode of the Human Intimacy Podcast, Dr. Kevin Skinner and licensed clinical social worker Marianne Michaelis explore the powerful—and often invisible—stories we tell ourselves about who we are and how others see us. Even when people share the same experience, their interpretations can be radically different, shaped by past wounds, shame, fear, and unmet needs. Through clinical examples, personal stories, and everyday moments of misunderstanding, they unpack how the brain naturally fills in gaps to create meaning—and how those meanings can quietly dictate our emotions, reactions, and relationships. The conversation highlights common shame-based narratives such as “I’m too much,” “I’m not enough,”or “I don’t matter,” and how these stories become internalized as truth over time. Dr. Skinner and Marianne emphasize the importance of awareness, fact-checking, emotional ownership, and curiosity—both toward ourselves and others. Healing begins when we slow down, speak our stories in safe places, challenge old assumptions, and allow compassion to replace judgment. The episode closes with an invitation to approach others—and ourselves—with deeper curiosity, asking not “What’s wrong?” but “What’s the story?” Resources & References Skinner, K. – Treating Trauma from Sexual Betrayal Tutu, D. & Tutu, M. – The Book of Forgiveness Brown, B. – I Thought It Was Just Me (But It Isn’t) Siegel, D. – Mindsight Human Intimacy Podcast – Episode on Emotional Ownership Journaling as a tool for emotional processing and self-reflection Concepts referenced: Shame narratives Emotional ownership Fact-checking internal stories Fight-or-flight responses and meaning-making Compassion vs. judgment The Human Intimacy 2nd Annual Conference (discount 50% off Coupon Code = 50off  

  Emotional Ownership: Understanding and Responding to Your Inner World Summary In this timely episode, Dr. Kevin Skinner and MaryAnn Michaelis explore one of the most essential—and most avoided—skills in relationships: emotional ownership. As the holiday season intensifies stress, loneliness, old family wounds, and relational tension, the ability to understand and take responsibility for our internal world becomes even more vital. Together, they break down what emotional ownership looks like and what it does not look like. Using real-life examples, including a vulnerable story from Dr. Skinner, the conversation highlights how quickly couples slip into blame, shame spirals, and reactive “hot” responses. MaryAnn emphasizes the role of tone, kindness, and Gottman’s concept of positive sentiment override, while Dr. Skinner demonstrates how owning one’s emotional experience opens the door to connection rather than conflict. Listeners will learn: Why people often don’t know what they feel—and why that’s okay How holiday dynamics intensify emotional triggers The difference between owning an emotion and shifting responsibility How tone and delivery change everything in difficult conversations How shame, avoidance, and catastrophizing block intimacy Why slowing down your internal experience leads to deeper connection How emotional ownership becomes the foundation of relational safety, trust, and maturity The episode ends with practical guidance on taking responsibility for your own emotions, choosing kindness, and knowing when deeper therapeutic work is needed. Dr. Skinner and MaryAnn invite listeners to reflect honestly on their emotional patterns and make conscious choices that lead to healthier, more intimate relationships. Resources Mentioned Books & Authors Desmond Tutu & Mpho Tutu — The Book of Forgiving Explores the fourfold path to forgiveness, including moving through anger, grief, and acceptance. John Gottman — Research on Bids for Connection & Positive Sentiment Override Essential relationship frameworks explaining how couples build or deplete emotional trust. Dr. Kevin Skinner — Treating Trauma from Sexual Betrayal A clinical guide to understanding trauma responses, emotional dysregulation, and healing after betrayal. Concepts & Clinical Frameworks Emotional Ownership vs. Emotional Shifting Taking responsibility for internal experience rather than blaming or projecting. Tone & Delivery in Conflict How softening your approach changes relational outcomes. Fight–Flight–Freeze–Fawn Responses Understanding physiological reactions to emotional threat. Shame Spirals Patterns where individuals turn against themselves in moments of relational stress. Betrayal Trauma Responses & Trigger Cycles Why certain relational moments evoke intense reactions. Therapeutic Support Individual Therapy When emotions feel overwhelming, confusing, or out of control. Couples Therapy For recurring patterns of blame, avoidance, or emotional disconnection. Links Human Intimacy Conference – 50% Off Through December 2025 (Coupon Code: 50off) 2nd Annual Human Intimacy Conference 2026 (Coupon code available on website; offer valid through Dec 31, 2025) Human Intimacy Podcast Homepage https://www.humanintimacy.com/podcast Human Intimacy Main Site https://www.humanintimacy.com  

The Somatic Experience: How the Body Stores Trauma and the Path to Physiological Healing In this powerful episode of the Human Intimacy Podcast, Dr. Kevin Skinner and MaryAnn Michaelis, LCSW, explore the essential connection between trauma, physiology, and healing through a somatic lens. Drawing on the work of Peter Levine, Bessel van der Kolk, Deb Dana, and polyvagal theory, they highlight how trauma is not only a psychological experience but a physical one stored in the muscles, nervous system, and internal energy of the body. Dr. Skinner and MaryAnn discuss why individuals—especially betrayed partners—often disconnect from their bodies after chronic stress, betrayal trauma, or overwhelming life experiences. They examine how fight, flight, and freeze responses affect the nervous system, how chronic cortisol disrupts mood and metabolism, and why many trauma survivors struggle to sense or interpret their own physiological cues. Through stories, research, and lived experiences, the hosts illustrate how the body keeps the score and how healing requires learning to listen to internal sensations rather than pushing them aside. They offer practical tools such as somatic tracking, Peter Levine’s completion techniques, trauma-informed yoga, breathing exercises that access the vagus nerve, and movement-based approaches for releasing stored energy. The episode includes a guided somatic check-in where listeners rate their tension level and are invited into a simple three-minute breathing practice designed to lower physiological arousal. Dr. Skinner and MaryAnn also normalize the experience of increased anxiety during quiet moments and suggest alternative vagus nerve–based exercises and sound-based practices (like the “vu” exhale) to support regulation. They close by emphasizing self-compassion, intentionality, and noticing “glimmers” of safety as signs that the body is returning to calm. Listeners are also invited to deepen their healing journey by attending the 2nd Annual Human Intimacy Conference, where leading experts will share tools for recovering from sexual betrayal, infidelity, and building deeper, safer relationships. References & Resources (Updated) Key Authors & Theories Peter A. Levine, PhD Waking the Tiger: Healing Trauma — foundational work on Somatic Experiencing and how trauma is stored and released through the body. Bessel van der Kolk, MD The Body Keeps the Score — seminal text on how trauma affects the nervous system, brain, and body. Stephen W. Porges, PhD Polyvagal Theory — explains the body's hierarchy of safety, fight/flight, and shutdown responses. Deb Dana, LCSW The Polyvagal Theory in Therapy — introduces “glimmers” and practical tools for nervous-system regulation. Practices Mentioned Trauma-Informed Yoga Somatic Experiencing (SE) Vagus Nerve Stimulation / “Basic Exercise” (Polyvagal-based) Breathwork for parasympathetic activation Sound-based regulation (e.g., “vu” exhale with hand on abdomen) Movement-based release (running in place, shaking, kicking safely, dancing) Grounding and body-scan exercises Human Intimacy Resources HumanIntimacy.com – Articles, courses, and assessments on betrayal trauma, recovery, and deeper connection. 2nd Annual Human Intimacy Conference – Coupon Code: 50%off —A live event featuring leading experts (including Dr. Kevin Skinner and colleagues) focused on healing from sexual betrayal and infidelity, rebuilding safety and trust, and creating deeper, more connected relationships. Human Intimacy Intensives – Including betrayal trauma intensives and couples intensives that incorporate trauma-informed yoga and somatic work.

The Transformative Power of Gratitude: How Noticing the “Why” Deepens Connection In this Thanksgiving-week episode of the Human Intimacy Podcast, Dr. Kevin Skinner and MaryAnn Michaelis explore the healing power of gratitude—both in everyday life and in relationships. What begins as a simple conversation about what they’re grateful for quickly deepens into an exploration of why certain people, moments, and memories hold meaning. Drawing on the work of Dr. Martin Seligman, Dr. Skinner emphasizes that identifying the “why” behind our gratitude—not just naming the object of it—creates a more emotionally rich and neurologically uplifting experience. MaryAnn highlights the reality that family can be both a source of deep gratitude and profound pain. For those who lack supportive family relationships, they offer practical ways to find gratitude in mentors, ancestors, teachers, or meaningful communities—the “tribes” we discover along the way. Together, they reflect on how gratitude acts as a natural antidepressant, shifting our emotional state, reducing stress, increasing joy, and strengthening attachment bonds. Listeners are invited to slow down, reflect on the people who have shaped them, and express gratitude in intentional, meaningful ways—especially during the holiday season. Dr. Skinner closes with a heartfelt message of appreciation for listeners, along with a reminder that practicing gratitude is one of the most powerful tools for healing, connection, and resilience. Resources Mentioned & Related Readings Books & Research Referenced Martin Seligman – Flourish; research on gratitude, positive psychology, and well-being Brené Brown – The Gifts of Imperfection, Daring Greatly (concepts of shame, worthiness, and connection) Thich Nhat Hanh – Teachings on connection, compassion, and human interdependence John Gottman, PhD – Research on positive sentiment override and gratitude in relationships Robert Emmons, PhD – Leading researcher on gratitude as a psychological tool Stephen Porges, PhD – Polyvagal Theory (connection, co-regulation, and emotional safety) Therapeutic Concepts Referenced Gratitude journaling The “why” exercise from Martin Seligman Gratitude as a natural antidepressant Finding your tribe / community-based support Intergenerational resources (ancestral resilience) Practical Tools & Strategies Write down what you are grateful for and why it matters Gratitude lists (daily or weekly) Expressing gratitude directly to loved ones Identifying people from past or present who modeled love, stability, or compassion Using gratitude to shift emotional states and reduce anxiety or depression Human Intimacy Resources Human Intimacy Conference 2026 (Coupon Code: Black-Friday discount mentioned in episode) HumanIntimacy.com for courses, podcasts, and healing resources Upcoming episodes focused on healing, connection, and relationship resilience

Seeing Your Blind Spots: Why We Make the Choices We Do In this powerful and reflective episode of the Human Intimacy Podcast, Dr. Kevin Skinner and MaryAnn Michaelis explore why people make choices that go against their values—especially in the aftermath of trauma, betrayal, and emotional flooding. Drawing from clinical experience, Internal Family Systems (IFS) language, trauma reenactment, arousal templates, and the science of human behavior, they unpack the subconscious forces that drive unwanted patterns. The discussion highlights how “firefighter” parts act impulsively to stop emotional pain, why unresolved trauma often leads to repeated relational patterns, and how blind spots develop from both early experiences and generational learning. Dr. Skinner and MaryAnn explore how shame, fear, secrecy, and lack of boundaries contribute to destructive behaviors—whether as the betrayed or the betrayer. The heart of this episode centers on building self-awareness, humility, and character development through honest reflection. Listeners are invited to pause, examine the choices they’re making, recognize patterns that no longer serve them, and take courageous steps toward change. Whether you’re working through betrayal trauma, navigating recovery, or wanting to become a better version of yourself, this conversation offers insight, compassion, and a path forward. Resources Mentioned & Recommended Human Intimacy Courses RISE: Hope and Healing After Sexual Betrayal A comprehensive online course to help betrayed partners navigate trauma, rebuild emotional safety, and understand the healing journey. Reclaim: Healing from Pornography and Rebuilding Your Life A structured recovery program addressing unwanted pornography use, shame cycles, and rebuilding intimacy. Books & Frameworks Referenced Internal Family Systems (IFS) – Richard Schwartz Understanding “firefighter” parts and internal protective systems. Trauma Reenactment Concepts – Judith Herman, Bessel van der Kolk Insight into repeated relational and behavioral patterns tied to past trauma. Arousal Template Research – Dr. Kevin Skinner Clinical insights into how early sexual experiences shape adult behavior. Character Development Approach – Inspired by Benjamin Franklin’s virtues A model for intentional growth and self-refinement. Additional Human Intimacy Resources Human Intimacy Podcast Archive HumanIntimacy.com – Articles, assessments, and healing tools Second Annual Human Intimacy Conference – March 13–14, 2026 (registration link in show notes)

The Cost of Judgment: Seeing Ourselves and Others Through Compassion Summary: In this episode of the Human Intimacy Podcast, Dr. Kevin Skinner and MaryAnn Michaelis explore the nature of judgment—how we judge ourselves, others, and the world around us. They unpack how the brain’s natural tendency to predict and protect can lead us to make judgments based on incomplete stories or past experiences. Through real-life examples, including therapy sessions and group work, they illustrate how judgment can distort perception, breed resentment, and disconnect us from others. Dr. Skinner and MaryAnn emphasize that judgment often arises when we lack understanding of a person’s story. By shifting from judgment to curiosity—asking “What happened to you?” instead of “What’s wrong with you?”—we open space for empathy and healing. They also explore how self-judgment impacts individuals, especially betrayed partners who internalize blame, and how learning to suspend judgment fosters emotional freedom and connection. The discussion integrates insights from Byron Katie’s “The Work” and Dr. Bruce Perry & Oprah Winfrey’s “What Happened to You?”, encouraging listeners to question their assumptions and replace self-condemnation with self-compassion. The episode closes with a reflective invitation: identify a situation or person you’ve judged, and ask, “What’s the story behind this thought, emotion, or behavior?” Resources Mentioned: The Work by Byron Katie — Four powerful questions to challenge judgments and distorted beliefs. What Happened to You? Conversations on Trauma, Resilience, and Healing by Dr. Bruce D. Perry & Oprah Winfrey — Exploring how understanding personal stories transforms compassion and connection. The Betrayal Bond by Dr. Patrick Carnes — Understanding trauma bonds and how early experiences shape adult patterns and self-judgment. Compassionate Accountability: A Field Guide to Building Connection and Trust by Dr. Nate Regier — For learning how to balance accountability with empathy. HumanIntimacy.com — Explore upcoming courses and events, including Rise: Hope and Healing from Sexual Betrayal, Reclaim: Healing from Pornography and Rebuilding Your Life, and the Human Intimacy Conference (March 13–14, 2026).

  Resilient Couples: How to Stay Strong Through Life’s Hardest Challenges Summary: In this inspiring episode of the Human Intimacy Podcast, Dr. Kevin Skinner and MaryAnn Michaelis, LCSW, explore what it means to build resiliency as individuals and as couples—especially in the face of life’s most difficult challenges. Drawing from personal experiences, research, and decades of clinical work, they discuss the essential components of resilience: adaptability, emotional regulation, flexibility, and hope. The conversation delves into why emotional self-awareness is the foundation of resilient relationships, how couples can “fight well,” and what it means to create safety before deeper connection can occur. They reference experts such as Dr. Al Siebert, Dr. Dan Siegel, Dr. Stephen Porges, and Dr. Martin Seligman, offering insights into the neurobiology of resilience and the relational skills that sustain connection through adversity. Listeners will walk away with practical strategies to strengthen their emotional core, improve communication, and cultivate hope—even in seasons of deep pain or uncertainty. Key Takeaways: Resiliency begins with emotional regulation and self-awareness. Adaptability and flexibility are learned skills that sustain connection. Safety is the foundation for relational repair after trauma. Emotional intelligence helps us stay curious and connected rather than reactive. Hope is a neurological process—and a critical part of healing together. Resources Mentioned: The Survivor Personality – Dr. Al Siebert The Body Keeps the Score – Dr. Bessel van der Kolk Polyvagal Theory – Dr. Stephen Porges The Whole-Brain Child & Mindsight – Dr. Dan Siegel Emotional Intelligence – Dr. Daniel Goleman The Hope Circuit – Dr. Martin Seligman Treating Sexual Addiction: A Compassionate Approach – Dr. Kevin Skinner HumanIntimacy.com – Courses: Companionship Course, Rise: Hope and Healing from Sexual Betrayal, and Reclaim: Healing from Pornography  

Permission to Feel: Creating Safety for Emotional Intimacy Episode Summary In this powerful episode, Dr. Kevin Skinner and MaryAnn Michaelis explore one of the most important — and misunderstood — aspects of healing after betrayal: emotional experience and expression. Many of us have been conditioned to suppress emotions, especially those that feel scary, overwhelming, or “unacceptable” — such as anger, fear, grief, or shame. Often, our logic steps in and says, “You shouldn’t feel that,”creating an internal shut-down that prevents emotional processing and healing. Drawing on neuroscience, attachment theory, and therapeutic insights, Dr. Skinner and MaryAnn discuss: Why we feel before we think — and what that means for trauma responses The cultural discomfort with strong emotions and how this affects relationships How betrayal trauma conditions many partners to distrust their internal emotional cues The science of tears — and how crying releases different emotional chemicals Jill Bolte Taylor’s “Brain Huddle” — an integrated approach to emotional awareness How emotional safety enables true relational intimacy Why our job is not to fix emotions, but to be with the person experiencing them What prevents couples from sharing emotions — and how to rebuild that trust Listeners are invited to approach their inner world with curiosity instead of judgment, give themselves permission to feel, and begin courageous conversations about how emotions are shared within their relationship. 📝 Listener Assignment Ask your partner (or journal independently if the conversation does not feel safe yet): “When I share emotion with you, what is it like for you?” “When you share emotion with me, here’s what it’s like for me…” The goal isn't to fix — but to begin understanding, witnessing, and honoring each other’s emotional worlds. 📚 References & Resources Books & Theoretical Models Goleman, D. (1995). Emotional Intelligence. Bantam Books. Johnson, S. (2019). Attachment Theory in Practice: Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) with Individuals, Couples, and Families. Guilford Press. Taylor, J. B. (2021). Whole Brain Living: The Anatomy of Choice and the Four Characters That Drive Our Life.Hay House. LeDoux, J. (1996). The Emotional Brain: The Mysterious Underpinnings of Emotional Life. Simon & Schuster. van der Kolk, B. (2014). The Body Keeps the Score. Penguin Books. Neuroscience Articles LeDoux, J. (2000). Emotion circuits in the brain. Annual Review of Neuroscience, 23, 155–184. Trimble, M. R., & Pryce, C. R. (2022). Biology of tears and emotional expression. CNS Neuroscience & Therapeutics, 28(12), 1779–1789. Related Human Intimacy Resources Rise: Hope & Healing from Sexual Betrayal Podcast Reclaim Podcast The free Human Intimacy Companionship Course (includes worksheets for episodes 80–90)

When You Want Change & Your Partner Isn’t Ready Summary What happens when one partner is ready to change—but the other isn’t? In this episode of the Human Intimacy Podcast, Dr. Kevin Skinner and MaryAnn Michaelis explore how couples navigate this difficult space. Drawing from the Stages of Change model, they explain how relationships often resist change to maintain balance (homeostasis), and why transformation inevitably brings discomfort. Through live role-play, Kevin and MaryAnn demonstrate both ineffective and healthy ways to approach hard conversations—showing how to express needs, respond to defensiveness, and create safety for vulnerability. They unpack the Drama Triangle, attachment patterns, and the power of differentiation—knowing your truth while staying connected. Listeners will learn how to prepare for meaningful dialogue, set boundaries with compassion, and build trust through accountability and follow-through. Resources Free Companion Worksheet: Available in the Human Intimacy Podcast Course at HumanIntimacy.com → Courses → Free Courses → Human Intimacy Podcast Companion. Frameworks Discussed: Stages of Change — Prochaska & DiClemente Drama Triangle — Stephen Karpman Attachment “Dance” — Dr. Sue Johnson Four Horsemen — Drs. John & Julie Gottman Differentiation — Dr. Murray Bowen Recommended Reading: Hold Me Tight — Sue Johnson The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work — John Gottman The Dance of Anger — Harriet Lerner The State of Affairs — Esther Perel

Stages of Change: Understanding How Real Transformation Happens Summary: In Episode 88 of the Human Intimacy Podcast, Dr. Kevin Skinner and MaryAnn Michaelis explore the Stages of Changemodel developed by James Prochaska and his colleagues, outlined in the book Changing for Good. Together, they walk through the five stages—pre-contemplation, contemplation, preparation, action, and maintenance—showing how these principles apply to both personal recovery and relationships affected by betrayal. Dr. Skinner highlights that change rarely happens instantly; it’s often a back-and-forth process requiring awareness, preparation, and consistent effort. MaryAnn adds depth by describing how fear, shame, and uncertainty can stall progress, especially when one partner is ready to change and the other is not. The episode provides practical insights into how both betrayed partners and those seeking recovery can understand where they are in the process—and what steps will help them move forward. Listeners will come away with a better understanding of how real, sustainable transformation unfolds and how to support themselves or their partners through the often nonlinear journey of change. Resources Mentioned: Book: Changing for Good by James Prochaska, John Norcross, and Carlo DiClemente Podcast: Reclaim: Healing from Pornography and Rebuilding Your Life Podcast: Rise: Hope and Healing from Sexual Betrayal Tool: 12-Step Recovery Programs and Sponsor Support Concepts Referenced: The Stages of Change Model (Prochaska & DiClemente) “Proper Preparation Prevents Pain” – on emotional readiness for change Automaticity and habit formation (66-day model for lasting behavioral change) Understanding relapse and stress triggers