If You Can't Forgive Yourself, Do This One Thing | Stephan Speaks
Aug 23, 2025
Self-forgiveness can feel daunting, especially since we live with our mistakes constantly. Stephan Speaks reveals how others hurt us once, but we carry our own offenses eternally. He introduces a powerful letter-writing process that encourages deep emotional healing, addressing unresolved feelings. Unlike quick texts or voice memos, handwritten letters tap into our emotions more effectively. The conversation underscores the importance of confronting both big grievances and small oversights to find true release and clarity.
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insights INSIGHT
Why Self-Forgiveness Is Harder
We judge forgiving ourselves harder because we live with our mistakes and face them repeatedly in the mirror.
External offenders often commit one offense, while our own errors accumulate and intensify self-blame.
volunteer_activism ADVICE
Turn Mistakes Into Learning
Stop dwelling on mistakes and choose to learn from them instead.
Accept that everyone falls short and either learn or stay stuck in regret.
question_answer ANECDOTE
Stephan's Letter Commitment
Stephan shares a personal example of having written a forgiveness letter for a family member and recognizing a small unresolved issue years later.
He commits publicly to write and send that letter immediately while on the podcast.
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"We live with ourselves. That person can do that one thing and it can be very hurtful, but we may not see them again. But when we make our mistake, we have to live with that. We have to face ourselves in the mirror." - Stephan Speaks
Stephan Speaks gets brutally honest about why self-forgiveness feels impossible for most of us. While others can hurt us once and disappear from our lives, our own mistakes follow us everywhere - stacking up in our minds, replaying in quiet moments, creating a prison we can't escape. He reveals how we end up carrying multiple offenses against ourselves while that person who wronged us gets the luxury of just one. But here's where it gets fascinating: Stephan shares a specific letter-writing process that cuts through years of self-punishment, and Lewis actually gets him to commit to using it on something he's been avoiding in his own life.
What makes this conversation different is how practical it gets. This isn't about positive thinking or generic self-help mantras. Stephan breaks down exactly why voice memos and texts don't work for deep healing, why you can't skip steps in the process, and how your subconscious sabotages quick-fix attempts at forgiveness. He walks through the psychology behind why handwritten letters access parts of our emotional processing that digital shortcuts simply can't reach. You'll walk away with a clear roadmap for finally releasing the weight you've been carrying.
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