21. Rescuing Women from Bad Sex with Sheila Gregoire
Jul 12, 2021
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Sheila Gregoire, an author and expert on sexual well-being within Evangelical Christianity, discusses misconceptions surrounding marriage and sexuality. She highlights findings from her groundbreaking survey of Christian women's sexual satisfaction. Sheila debunks myths that prioritize male pleasure and emphasizes women's needs. The conversation touches on unrealistic expectations placed on women, the role of men in fostering intimacy, and the ongoing need for open dialogue about female desires. Her insights call for a revolutionary shift in how sexuality is approached in faith communities.
Sheila Gregoire's research reveals alarming trends among Christian women, emphasizing the need for mutual pleasure and intimacy in sexual relationships rather than obligation.
The critique of popular Christian marriage books highlights damaging myths surrounding women's sexuality, which can foster unhealthy dynamics in marriages.
Men are encouraged to actively listen to their wives and create a supportive environment that normalizes open discussions about sexual needs and desires.
Deep dives
The Reality of Sexuality in Christian Culture
Christian culture often treats discussions surrounding sex as taboo, which leaves many individuals, especially women, feeling misunderstood and ashamed of their own sexual needs. Sheila Gregoire argues that the traditional narrative that sex is primarily for men has harmful consequences, making women feel obligated to perform sexual duties without consideration of their own pleasure. By shedding light on these issues, she emphasizes that sexual experiences should be mutual, pleasurable, and based on genuine intimacy, rather than duty. This shift is vital to fostering healthier perspectives on sexuality within Christian communities.
The Findings of a Comprehensive Survey
Sheila Gregoire and her team conducted the largest national survey on sex among Christian women, with over 20,000 participants. The results revealed alarming trends, showcasing that many women felt their sexuality was dictated by outdated teachings that prioritize male pleasure. A significant percentage of women reported experiencing sexual pain or dissatisfaction, largely due to damaging beliefs instilled by popular Christian texts. By highlighting these findings, Gregoire aims to encourage more open and constructive discussions about sex and relationships within the faith community.
The Dangers of Duty Sex
A pervasive belief in the idea of 'duty sex' tends to trap women into sexual encounters where they feel obligated rather than desired. This mentality often leads to significant issues, such as feelings of resentment and disconnection. Gregoire challenges men to reconsider their mindset around sex, advocating for a more mutual approach that values women's experiences. Understanding that sex should be an enjoyable and intimate act for both partners is crucial in dismantling the harmful dynamics surrounding obligation in sexual relationships.
Critique of Popular Christian Sex Literature
Many popular Christian sex and marriage books perpetuate harmful myths and misconceptions about women’s sexual needs and experiences. Authors such as Emerson Egrich and Mark Gunger present deeply flawed messages, suggesting that women's reluctance to engage in sex is what leads to men's struggles with lust and pornography. Sheila's critique exposes the dangerous implications of such teachings, which can enable abusive dynamics within marriages and further stigmatize women's experiences. By encouraging critical analysis of these texts, Gregoire seeks to empower both men and women to advocate for healthier narratives regarding sex and relationships.
A Call for Empathy and Understanding
Gregoire emphasizes the importance of men actively listening to their wives and understanding the root causes of their sexual dissatisfaction. Instead of pressuring their partners into sex, men should strive to create an environment where open discussions about needs and desires are normalized. Acknowledging and addressing the psychological barriers women face, such as guilt and obligation, is key to fostering deeper connections within marriages. By advocating for vulnerability and communication, Gregoire believes that couples can work towards a healthier, more fulfilling sexual relationship.
Sheila Gregoire, author of TheGreatSexRescue and the Facebook page To Love, Honor and Vacuum, is back to break down the misleading issues in Evangelical literature about marriage and sex. Beginning with her background, Sheila explains how the book TheGreatSexRescue became one of the first comprehensive scientific surveys on Evangelical Christian women’s sexual mental well-being and pleasure. Sheila and Tim explore the myths and harmful influences of these well known marriage books by Evangelical Christian authors.
Show Notes
Sheila, begins by giving background on how her venture into the world of Christian women’s sexuality began. She explains how the book The Great Sex Rescue came about. Her research for the book used the first of its kind scientific survey to gauge women’s sexual satisfaction, women’s marriage health and women’s overall view of sex. Sheila, identifies four problems within the literature of well known Christian authors: The most damaging being sex is primarily for men, women were experiencing pleasure 47% less than the rate of their husbands, physical explanations for lack of pleasure not addressed, and myths about women’s sexuality. Sheila, goes on to explain how those books were not scientifically analyzed but used faulty interpretation of the data of peer reviewed material. Tim and Sheila look at the myths promoted in these well known books such as: Men have no self-control and therefore their wives must satisfy their sexual needs without a consideration of their own, issues of consent in marriage exploited by these authors, the dehumanization of men by portraying them as sex crazed maniacs, and how a woman’s painful intercourse isn’t tied to her need for non-intercourse stimulation.