Meltdowns That Keep Happening, Even When We're Doing Everything Right
Sep 12, 2023
auto_awesome
The podcast discusses strategies for addressing extended meltdowns in children, the challenges of power struggles with a three-year-old, understanding and connecting with a perceptive child's meltdowns, balancing independence and caregiving, and the importance of validating children's emotions.
25:58
AI Summary
AI Chapters
Episode notes
auto_awesome
Podcast summary created with Snipd AI
Quick takeaways
Understanding the child's perspective and intentions is essential in addressing meltdowns effectively.
True calm should come from within oneself, allowing for the acceptance and safe expression of a child's emotions.
Deep dives
Understanding the Perceptive Child's Need for Care and Connection
This episode delves into the challenges faced by a parent who consistently responds to their child's upset feelings, yet experiences extended and intense meltdowns. The perceptive nature of the child, who is intellectually capable and verbally expressive, contributes to the complexity of the situation. The host emphasizes the importance of understanding the child's perspective and intentions, rather than focusing solely on the parent's intentions. The parent is encouraged to consider that their child's request for assistance, like putting on their pull-ups, may stem from a need for caregiving and connection, rather than control or power struggles. The importance of being honest, direct, and in the present moment when communicating with the child is highlighted. Validating the child's feelings by reflecting what is known for certain is also emphasized, helping the child feel seen and understood.
Shifting Perspectives on Calm and Parental Intentions
The episode explores the concept of calm and its significance in parent-child interactions. The host suggests that true calm should come from within oneself, rather than being forced from the outside. She encourages parents to examine their intentions when engaging with their child's emotions, ensuring that they are not trying to 'make things go away' or fix every situation. Instead, parents are urged to trust that their child's emotions are a natural part of their development, and that providing a safe space for those emotions to be expressed can help children move through them more effectively. The importance of staying connected with the child's perspective and understanding that their emotions may not always align with the parent's interpretation is also emphasized.
Empathy, Acceptance, and Confident Momentum
This segment focuses on the significance of empathy and acceptance in challenging moments with a child. The host advises parents to genuinely accept their child's point of view and connect with them emotionally, particularly during times when the parent needs to redirect the child's attention or move them along physically. The concept of 'confident momentum' is introduced, which involves maintaining a sense of acceptance and connection while also addressing practical tasks. Parents are encouraged to trust their child and themselves more, allowing for rough patches and offering themselves grace during challenging phases of parenting.
A parent writes that she's feeling helpless and desperate about her 3-year-old's frequent, intense meltdowns, which sometimes last up to an hour. This mom says they usually "relate to control and power struggles where he tells me or my husband to do something." And although she remains calm, responds with empathetic words, assures him that it's okay to be mad, offers hugs, and tries to acknowledge his feelings, nothing seems to help. Often her responses seem to make him angrier. Understandably, she eventually loses her patience. "I will likely end up screaming at him because I literally can’t handle his screaming at me any longer, and then I feel the weight of the guilt for yelling at him..." Janet offers a slight shift in the parents' perspective and subtle adjustments they can make to their approach that she believes will help their spirited son move through his emotional flare-ups more easily.