What You Think You Need That You Don’t Really Need
Aug 18, 2024
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The discussion delves into the intriguing distinction between acute and chronic anxiety. Listeners learn about the false threats that drive chronic anxiety, such as the need for approval and perfection. The hosts explore how these misconceptions can create emotional turmoil and impact relationships. With personal anecdotes and analogies, they encourage recognizing and articulating these false needs for personal growth. Ultimately, the conversation offers insights on achieving liberation from anxiety by embracing limitations and fostering genuine connections.
35:30
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Quick takeaways
Chronic anxiety stems from perceived, false needs like approval and perfection, leading to disproportionate reactions to situations.
Understanding the difference between acute and chronic anxiety helps individuals manage their anxieties and improve interpersonal relationships.
Deep dives
Understanding Acute vs. Chronic Anxiety
Acute anxiety is a response to real threats and danger, which sharpens senses and triggers adrenaline, allowing for a fight or flight response. An example shared involves a mother spotting a snake while hiking with her young sons, causing her to instinctively tell them to run for safety. In contrast, chronic anxiety arises from perceived threats that are not grounded in reality, often tied to false needs. The hosts emphasize the importance of differentiating between these types of anxiety to better understand personal experiences and reactions.
The Impact of False Needs
Chronic anxiety is exacerbated by false needs, which are beliefs about what one requires to feel safe and secure. These false needs create a sense of being in danger even when there is none, leading individuals to react disproportionally to situations. For instance, a person might feel threatened simply because someone approaches them after a presentation, primarily due to the false belief that everyone must always be pleased with them. This reaction highlights how chronic anxiety can distort reality and trigger unfounded fears.
The Contagious Nature of Anxiety
Chronic anxiety not only affects individuals but can also spread to others in their environment, creating a cycle of anxiety. This contagious nature means that one person's false needs and anxieties can impact the dynamics of interpersonal relationships and family life. For example, someone might change their behavior to maintain peace in a tense household, inadvertently increasing everyone else's anxiety. Recognizing this phenomenon encourages people to manage their own anxieties to foster healthier environments.
Identifying Core False Needs
The discussion identifies five core false needs that underlie many chronic anxieties: the need for approval, the need for perfection, the need to have all the answers, the need for control, and the need to be there for others. Each of these needs can lead individuals to overreact when challenged or unmet, affecting their behavior and relationships. The importance of assessing these needs and their impact helps individuals to differentiate between their genuine requirements and the societal expectations that amplify anxiety. By recognizing these patterns, individuals can work towards managing their anxiety and improving their overall well-being.
There are different kinds of anxiety, but there is one type of anxiety that always feels real in the moment when it is not. Unlike acute anxiety which is always based on a real threat, like when you have to swerve to avoid a car, chronic anxiety is always based on a false threat. Like making everyone happy, or doing it perfectly every time or always needing to be there for others.
In this episode Steve and Lisa dig into what do you think you need that you don’t really need? And they also help you identify the big 5 sources of false anxiety.