Alain de Botton on the joy of being average (E218)
Oct 9, 2023
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Alain de Botton, author and philosopher, explores topics such as embracing averageness, the link between mental health struggles and deeper understanding, the obsession with fame, parenting, relationships, and the importance of emotional intelligence.
Embracing one's own averageness is the beginning of wisdom, as the insistence on always being special is a toxic mindset.
The ability to explore and acknowledge uncomfortable emotions is essential for personal growth and healthy relationships.
Self-awareness is a process that takes time and patience.
Mental breakdowns or crises can be viewed as a quest for knowledge, providing an opportunity for self-discovery and change.
Deep dives
The Importance of Accepting Averageness
Embracing one's own averageness is the beginning of wisdom, as the insistence on always being special is a toxic mindset. The world tricks us into believing that we must achieve incredible things to be validated, leading to constant pursuit of fleeting moments of happiness. The key to happiness is not achieving everything, but rather achieving what we feel we are capable of, and finding fulfillment in how our problems contribute to something interesting.
The Power of Being Ordinary
Society often values exceptionalism and sees being average as undesirable. However, being able to tolerate and embrace one's own averageness is a sign of wisdom and can lead to genuine happiness. The pressure to constantly strive for success and distinction can lead to toxic behavior and a sense of constant dissatisfaction. It is important to understand that everyone is flawed, and it is a personal journey to find fulfillment by embracing one's true self.
Exploring Uncomfortable Emotions
The ability to explore and acknowledge uncomfortable emotions is essential for personal growth and healthy relationships. Embracing anger, anxiety, and sadness can lead to a deeper understanding of oneself and more meaningful connections with others. Accepting that we are flawed and allowing room for these emotions can alleviate psychological burdens and lead to lighter, more authentic selves.
The Value of Patience and Self-Awareness
Self-awareness is a process that takes time and patience. Rushing to find answers or instant solutions to personal growth is counterproductive. Taking moments of reflection, being patient with oneself, and understanding that self-awareness often comes gradually can lead to deeper insights and a more fulfilling journey.
Embracing Crises as Opportunities
Mental breakdowns or crises can be viewed as a quest for knowledge, providing an opportunity for self-discovery and change. These moments of turmoil force us to confront aspects of ourselves that we may have been avoiding, leading to a deeper understanding of our true selves and the potential for growth and healing.
Changing Perspectives on Success and Happiness
Society often places emphasis on external markers of success, such as wealth, fame, and achievement. However, true success and happiness come from embracing individual potential and finding personal fulfillment. Redefining success as a journey unique to each person, rather than adhering to societal norms, can lead to a more authentic and fulfilling life.
Importance of Urban Design and Flexibility in Creating Beautiful Towns
The podcast highlights the importance of urban design and the flexibility to create beautiful towns. The speaker emphasizes that the current state of streets is a result of past bad urban design decisions, but it doesn't have to be that way. It is suggested that anyone, even a child, can play a role in designing a beautiful town if they have the opportunity. The discussion focuses on the need to humanize power structures, allowing individuals to have a say in shaping their surroundings.
Learning to Accept Critics and the Importance of Being Yourself
The podcast explores the idea of immunizing oneself against the need to impress others and instead focusing on self-improvement. It highlights that every choice we make in life will inevitably alienate someone, but that doesn't mean we made the wrong choice. The speaker emphasizes the need to let go of the desire for universal approval and acceptance, as it is a sign of making determined choices. The conversation also touches upon the importance of feedback, emotional literacy, and accepting that we are all a bit strange. The goal is to work on oneself and be kind to both oneself and others.
This episode encourages us to explore a deeper understanding of ourselves, our relationships, and why we should be seeking fulfilment not happiness.
Alain de Botton is an author and philosopher, known for co-founding The School of Life in 2008. The School of Life was created to fill a void in our current education systems with the teaching of emotional intelligence. Alain’s work also focuses on love, parenthood, mental health and the meaning of success. During this episode, Jake, Damian and Alain dive deep into each of these subjects, exploring what a life filled with the constant search for knowledge could look like.
Alain shares what we can learn from our mental health struggles and how they can be revealing a deeper truth. This conversation highlights how important it is to lean into uncomfortable emotions to truly understand ourselves. Alain challenges Jake and Damian’s perceptions of what high performance really looks like, debating whether the fight for success actually leads to a good life, and why we should be embracing averageness.
Within this conversation they discuss why we’re obsessed with fame, how to be a better parent, the benefits of a breakdown and how we can improve our relationships.
Find Alain’s new book ‘A Therapeutic Journey’ here: https://uk.bookshop.org/p/books/a-therapeutic-journey-lessons-from-the-school-of-life-alain-de-botton/7388674?ean=9780241642559
