206 The Grief of Jealousy

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May 31, 2025

Jealousy and grief are deeply intertwined emotions, often revealing a hidden loss in our relationships. The concept of ambiguous grief shows how emotional shifts can complicate self-perception. It’s fascinating to see how recognizing jealousy can help us appreciate what we value. The podcast explores the mythology of jealousy, emphasizing its role in personal growth. Listeners are encouraged to embrace these feelings and engage in community discussions to enhance emotional health.

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INSIGHT

Jealousy Contains Ambiguous Grief

Jealousy often involves grief due to the loss of exclusive attention and imagined futures in changing relationships.
This grief is ambiguous, tied to loss that is not always clear or final but deeply felt.

INSIGHT

Anticipatory Grief in Jealousy

Anticipatory grief occurs when we imagine losing our partner's time or attention before any actual loss.
This creates complex feelings because the loss is not certain or yet experienced.

ADVICE

Mourn Ambiguous Loss Actively

Practice mourning by actively acknowledging loss, even anticipated or uncertain ones.
Engage with the present fully to appreciate the relationship despite fear of loss.

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Jealousy and grief are deeply intertwined emotions. When we experience jealousy, we're experiencing a form of loss—whether it's the loss of attention, time, or even an imagined future–and often grief is hiding just beneath the surface of these experiences. Understanding this connection can help us navigate the complex emotional landscape of non-monogamy with more compassion for ourselves and our partners.

In this episode, we talk about:

— The concept of "ambiguous grief" and how it relates to jealousy in non-monogamous relationships

— Why jealousy often contains elements of grief, especially when we're experiencing changes in relationship dynamics

— How anticipatory grief works when we imagine potential losses before they happen

— The difference between grieving (the emotion) and mourning (the actions we take to process loss)

— Why jealousy can be viewed as an opportunity for appreciation rather than just a painful emotion to endure

— How jealousy can help us recognize what we truly value in our relationships

— The ways our personal triggers and vulnerabilities influence which aspects of jealousy hit us hardest

— Why the cultural conversation around jealousy needs to be much richer and more nuanced

— The value of sitting with jealousy rather than immediately trying to eliminate it

— How comparing ourselves to metamours can introduce envy into an already complex emotional mix

— The importance of learning how to mourn ambiguous losses in relationships

Resources mentioned in this episode:

— Joli's Recommended Reading List

— The Jealousy Resource Center

— The YouTube Playing With Fire Jealousy playlist

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Music: Dance of Felt by ⁠Blue Dot Sessions